Dear itzelmoonkiks:

You are welcome. Have a safe trip to Canada, when you do travel. Your feelings for him are, indeed, very strong. Post anytime!

anita

Dear papercut:

It is truly impossible for you to win in this situation- you can’t fight and “triumph tradition and culture” when the woman you love has already submitted to tradition and culture. You can’t be a solo fighter and win; to win, the fight has to be fought by you and her, the two of you together.

I am not surprised that she gave in to her family, her parents, primarily. They have been with her longer than you have, instilled in her the strong desire to win their approval and the fear of their disapproval. Your willingness to do anything so to win her parents’ approval cannot bring you triumph because they already disapproved of you for things you cannot change about yourself, and they have chosen another man for her.

As painful as it is for you, as strongly as you feel for her, there is nothing for you to do but do all that you can to heal, over time, from this emotional devastation. Do post again, any time you need to.

anita

Oh man, stay clear from brown families unless you are 100% certain they are not the traditional usual brown family. It is a very selfish culture. The parents think that forcing their kids to do what the parents want is whats best for the kids. Until they come out of the dark ages you will rarely win over the parents. Be extra careful, even if Dad and Mom seem “liberal” they will convince the kid to boot you at any hint of discord in the relationship. In short, STAY AWAY.

Hello Mr. Wong,
I’m sorry for such late reply, But i feel like sharing some words with you being a south Indian girl and i guess and shortly don’t waste your life for her. Please.. Regardless of whatever race we all come from, love is a universal language . When we love someone we do it above all differences, race and origin i dunno how suddenly during marriage it is all an issue. If the girl was strong, there is no force that could have stopped you both from being together. We are in 21st century and even for South Indian culture and that is just BS (forgive my language). I can understand how true your love was when you say you are ready to change your life style etc., If we cant accept our loved ones for who they are then what is the point of love? Good things comes to those who wait. I’m pretty damn sure someone who loves you more than anyone in this world is just out there. Its better you don’t keep in touch with her anymore focus on your life. All the best!

Ive been following Shantigirl stories since be that girl. So he did and told me to wait for him and said will divorce her and marry me after he come back.

I really dont know what to do and hopeless and being sick for a month now. I tried to forget him but not able to do so. He still text me every single day and keep telling me he loves me and will not forget our dreams. 🙁

There is no logic in this. Only culture and tradition. I question how much indian people really love their children. Or what their idea of love is. Sure the divorce rate in this country is low but how about their socio-economic situations? Could it be that the way that these people are forced to follow traditions be a major contributor to this? I have a lot of questions about this country and I am truly inspired to dig deeper into the issues.

My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago because I pressured him to tell his parents about us. We were together 7 months. He would tell me that he loved me and would fight to be with me if they tried to arrange him but I can sense fear in him whenever this topic would come. I needed to know the truth about what would really happen because I couldn’t bare the thought of being together longer only to have him leave me if he couldn’t really fight. Sadly, I was right. I am deeply devastated and broken hearted. I feel this is an injustice to human beings in general. To them, it is normal and they accept this way of life. To me, it is betrayal, irresponsible, and can cause someone’s future or even their life. I can see that these men are raised to be the perfect men to be your life partner which can create an illusion for us women who are mere victims to their character.

I currently have a love/hate curiosity for this country and I am in the process of finding my higher purpose in life as a result of this experience. I will forgive because I do not understand and I doubt I ever will. I just don’t want to waste my time trying to understand a country I am not raised in. Instead, I will learn to love a country that has raised children who show us love and deep heartache all at once. I truly want to adopt a child from this country and raise him to change this culture if possible. This is to help stop this injustice I feel. That’s just an idea. I have many more but I think I have written enough for now.

I’m sorry for all your losses. All of you that went through this including myself do not deserve this. I think we need to raise more awareness on this issue. I have a burning desire for this. I hope all of you can channel this heartache into a similar cause.

Sincerely,

Cherisse

Dear Cherisse:

I think that if I was to consider dating a man who was raised in an arranged-marriage culture and who is still in contact with his parents who still practice this custom, I would first make sure that the parents are interested in me as a wife to their son, first thing. I will not develop a relationship with the man unless I met his parents first and got their approval.

And yes, when you have a relationship with a man who is engaged or married to another woman, it is an affair, by definition, and it is infidelity, by definition, regardless of the reasons behind the engagement/ marriage.

I hope you recover from your heartache.

anita

Hi Everyone,.

I have read all of these and it’s really sad to know that you lose your love because of arranged marriage.

I met an indian guy in online dating app and I asked him about this. He told me that arranged marriage is only done when they don’t have someone they love. And that is opposite to what I have read in here.

Even if he told me not to worry about this,. I am still having doubts. So right now I am not sure if I would accept his feelings for me.

-Shyn