Dear Felix,

I think i’ll start with creating a positive image and trying physical exercise in my housing complex that i mentioned before.

Good, let me know how it is going!

And do u think i’ve had this hobby of laying lazy in my room due to my parents keep relieving me from duties?

Yes, I think it’s related because if your parents believe that you’re rather incapable and have low expectations of you, you will lack motivation to do anything. You’ll adopt that same negative image of yourself and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I also believed that my self confidence issue isnt only caused my parents, but also rather due to the opinion of most girls in my highschool days… like their “criteria” on boys (which is taller than them, etc)… i always keep their opinion in mind…

Yes, we as teens are very much affected by the opinion of our peers, and very much want to be liked by them. But someone who has a healthier base from childhood won’t be so strongly affected by their peers, and their self-confidence won’t be crushed if their peers don’t like them. But if our confidence is low to begin with, the rejection by peers will be a horrible blow to our self-esteem, and it might even push us into depression. So the base of self-confidence that we receive in childhood is super important…

As for those questions that I’ve asked you pretty early into our conversation, you’ve answered them already. Your family situation is clearer, and it’s more or less clear how the core wound was formed. It all boils down to developing more self-esteem, and you can do that by applying those 3 principles from my previous post.

Note: I regret saying “ugly” in my post. I don’t believe anyone is ugly! I should have said imperfect, as all of us are imperfect. And I should have said overweight rather than fat. That was insensitive and disrespectful of me. Sorry!

dear whoever will read this…

im about to tell the my relationship story. i dont have anyone to talk to so i hope somone can give me their advice.

when i first met him i was still blocked off from beibg abused in my last relationship. i had an arrational fear of abandoment from him. i felt it was too good to be true. i even asked him to be mean to me. i felt like thats what i deserved. i started to feel like i was my ex and he was me.. even though i didnt abuse him i just had so much trauma i never thought anyone could love me…

anyway 5 months into our relationship i became pregnant and had an abortion. i was only 16 and it was my first experience w anything like this. so it all was alot for me and him too.. so i just blirted out that i didnt love him anymore even though i knew i did. more than anything. i love him so much..

after that things changed. and i knew it was my fault. it was built up resentment n fear and i wanted him back and i told him i was going to change. and i did. i developed my self love and self worth. but then he almost started treatinf me the way i treated him.

and ive allowed it for so long but its been almost a year and now he just flat out disrespects me and completely doesnt care either.. and he broke up with me recently after i confronted him about commenting on qnotger girls pic. i am very spiritual and this feels like good old karma. but what i did wasnt on purpose  and i wasnt purposely treating him the way i was.. i just was scared of exactly what im feeling right now. i miss him i want him back but when i text him he makes me feel so stupid. hell make plans to hangout and then tell me hes busy..

last minute ans it hurts. but somewjere deep inside of me tells me this is all my fault and i shouldnt feel upset or vixtimized because he was great at one point. what should i do ? his whole family tells me hes a liar and selfish and warn me that he can really minipulate people who allow him to.. so idk if its that or that i really am just gettibg back what i did. i feel like ive been making up for that one mistake but all of the times hes let me down. went behind my back cheated or lied has been swepr under the rug because of something i did when i was way younger and had alot of self healing to do. which ive done. i love him and he means alot to me but im tired. but then i think that i dont deserve to b tired or upset because of what i did. almost everyone tells me that what hes doing is wrong (even knowing the whole story) but i just cant help but feel if i never did tgat wed be ok today. but he also couldce Been more understanding I told him that I didn’t love him but as soon as we’re on the car ride home I told him that I didn’t mean that and that my mom’s at anniversary death was coming up and I was going through the loss of my first child he didn’t believe me and didn’t talk to me for weeks and we finally got back together and everything is fine but then again he changed it hasn’t changed back since it’s just progressively been getting worse. I love him but should I have to stay paying for that mistake I made or just let things be what they are and go our separate ways I miss him so much and I want to see him but I’m trying to put myself first then I feel that I don’t deserve that either because I was the one who messed up

I know my grandma is not the best in this story might be long and confusing but I hope you all got the just of it and can help me as much as you can any type of advice from men or women would be helpful I have an open ear and I’m willing to accept thank you

Dear Felix,

So i should just exercise in my room to make my body sweat?

you can buy a couple of dumbbell weights, or the rod with weights, and lift that in your room. You can exercise by the window, to have enough oxygen. I imagine you can also lift weights in the garden, since it doesn’t require a lot of space and moving around, so you probably wouldn’t disturb your father. Although 2 dumbbells doesn’t replace going to the gym, it’s a beginning, and you’ll feel better. Once the lockdown is over, you can continue in the gym.

Also, if I remember well, you said that sometimes your father goes for a jog – is he still doing that? Maybe you can join him, so you wouldn’t feel scared of the dogs?

if i really use braces i think the dentist will sacrifice that one tooth (backwards position) to be able to place the braces

how do you mean “sacrifice” your tooth? If your tooth is bent, can’t it be straightened by the braces?

As a person who frequently feels regret… So in the future, every time i feel regret doing something… i should just let it be and don’t think much about it? Even though it’s a part of humans emotion?

Regret is a normal human emotion, and sometimes healthy too, e.g. if we realize that we’ve hurt someone, and we decide never to do it again. Regret should lead us to change our behavior, but it’s only healthy if we also forgive ourselves for the wrong-doing we did. Beating ourselves up for something we did and never forgiving ourselves is not a good kind of regret.

A while ago you asked me about some instagram posts that you felt embarrassed about. I told you that if you’ve mislead people into believing that you’ve been working hard on a housing project, while you haven’t, you can feel regret about it (a healthy regret), realize it was a wrong thing to do, but also forgive yourself and move on. Beating yourself up forever for having made that post would be an unhealthy and destructive form of regret.

You’ve also expressed regret for admitting to your girlfriend/crush that you love her and for crying when she refused you. In this case you haven’t really hurt anybody’s feelings, you didn’t do anything wrong, you simply showed honest emotions. You showed vulnerability. Being yourself and being vulnerable isn’t a wrong-doing, and therefore regretting it isn’t a healthy thing, but it’s actually self-condemnation and it’s destructive.

To sum up, this is how I see regret: A healthy regret is accompanied by self-forgiveness and a positive behavior change, while unhealthy regret comes with self-condemnation and getting stuck in the past and ruminating about the past.

Can you see the difference between the two?