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This topic contains 801 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 day ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 751 through 765 (of 802 total)
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  • #321703

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Good morning. Yes, you’ve been running the show for quite some time, but it is only the beginning. The move with your husband to someplace else, may be The opportunity to settle into a life that you will be running more and more so, until before you know it- you can feel that sigh of relief all through, finally.

    It is a very good thing that your husband is who  he is, making it possible for you to run your life in the context of the relationship with him. I cannot stress enough  how very, very important, crucial really, that there is a Zero Aggression Policy in your marriage.

    I think that this has to be your number one priority: to run your own life!

    anita

    #321707

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    You are right, you are absolutely right.  Thank you for reiterating this.

    Guess what? You’re the first person I have told:

    My husband gave his resignation today for this job. This exhausting, terrible, soul sucking job!

    Congratulations to him – and us!

    #321713

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I am delighted, a feeling of excitement ran through me, so pleased! Congratulations to him and to you. And I am the first person you told? I am honored!

    anita

    #321717

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes! You know how I value our connection!

    I haven’t told my work yet.  I haven’t been so vocal about all of these forthcoming changes with my friends because I am avoiding what old CC would do: take everyone’s input and diminish her own voice.

    This is the decision of myself and husband, no more.  And thus there is no need to bring on too many voices at this time.  Simplicity is key.

    Our talks though, that is entirely different!

    #321719

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    You makes perfect sense to me. And I too value our connection, very much so. Your decision to not tell friends so to not hear “too many voices”- excellent, “Simplicity is key”- yes it is. Running your own life means hearing your own voice, so better prevent unecessary noise that will do nothing but distract you from your own voice.

    anita

    #321723

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Unnecessary noise prevention! Yes!

    How are you doing? How have you been feeling?

    #321727

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I am fine, doing my own “Unnecessary noise prevention!”- I like living here, quiet. Sometimes when I wash dishes and it makes noise, I get startled!

    A neighbor who moved away, having seen me walk the loops for years now, gave me his late wife’s treadmill. I accepted it because there are days where ice and slush cover the roads and I walked anyway, but now I have this option. Didn’t think that I needed a treadmill in the house before, but I like it, already tried it several times.

    anita

    #321729

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Good option to have! Why not! the treadmill I mean

    Noise prevention is key, no matter what neighborhoods we live in right? Living in NYC does not mean I have more internal noise in my head, and living in the mountains does not mean less.  It is all in the state of mind.

    You reiterated several times the zero aggression policy with my husband.  How important, and how rewarding.

    Having the flu and then traveling to CA and going to meetings and interviews – well that is a bonding experience if I ever had one.  The care and concern he took for me, and the way we were able to “power through” together was amazing.

    I didn’t make that week about anyone else except him.  Yes, there some hiccups – but I quickly re-centered myself.

    In your Ursula post, you mentioned that when others take my time, my roar gets louder – indeed it does.

    It feels like they are scraping an already empty pot.  During this flu week I learned how to assert myself and my needs and boundaries.  The other party did not necessarily understand – but it didn’t matter this time.  It did NOT matter.

    The other thing is that although that whole time was frenzied, we managed to take our time.  How ironic! It is because we made time for our thoughts, not those outside of ourselves.  No one else was involved.

    We are in between 2 jobs.

    1- San Diego

    2- Newport Beach/Orange county

    Location wise – love love love SD.

    Job wise, both different in many ways.

    I wonder what location you like better… I will tell you more about the jobs in my next post

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by  Cali Chica.
    #321737

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Weather wise, definitely San Diego (I am sure you are not referring to the east side (or north, don’t remember, maybe both where is it very hot), love that weather. Orange county- hot and traffic very congested, very crowded. Spending hours and hours on the freeways, stuck, is not fun!

    And yes, noise is often internal, of course. Except if you live in an apartment or in a house close to other houses and the neighbors are very noisy- that noise-pollution, or noise invasion is a real problem objectively, for anyone I think.

    Tell me more about the jobs, will you?

    anita

    #321739

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I agree.

    We will be in Southern OC in the coastal area, so weather will be similar to SD.  Yet, I prefer the vibe in SD much more – and the breezy aspect.  The people are also less uptight – for many different reasons that are varied.

    So the jobs – I am only focusing on his jobs here, as my jobs are secondary at this time as i have many more options in both areas.  The decision will be based on what the best is overall of course.

    1- San Diego

    There is a large surgical group that is looking to hire an additional surgeon as there is a need due to patient volume.  It is in a great location and we would be able to live in one of the many amazing coastal beach towns and commute will be easy.

    The surgeons in the group are very laid back and family oriented.  We spend a good amount of time with them, and they try hard to maintain a work life balance from what we experienced. Financially they seem to do pretty well, and are not killing themselves to work too too crazy.

    Overall theme: laid back

    1- Newport Beach

    As you know an affluent area, with a more competitive edge.  Likewise the job is similar.  This opportunity is very different.

    There is a well known, renowned surgeon let’s call him B, that has built this large empire almost.  He himself has operated on many celebrities, and has an incredible reputation.  He is in his 60s.  Over the years he has hired younger surgeons and taking them on as almost an apprentice so to speak.  Hiring them, supporting them with a salary, helping them get busy.  In a year or 2 these surgeons then are able to be more independent.  Financially this practice does much better, but of course it is more work it seems and more entrepreneurial.  Someone like my husband would spend a year or 2 ramping up his practice, and then be independently able to thrive – as the plan would be.  He would have financial opportunities to make a cut of what the whole practice makes, which appears to  be quite lucrative.  B is very well connected and wants to take me on as a pain management and wellness doctor/expert – and help develop my career as well.  With him I would have opportunities to do so- and many of the things we have talked about in the past years.

    Overall theme: “go getter”

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by  Cali Chica.
    #321743

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Isn’t B the same surgeon you wrote about before, you and husband already visited him a couple of years ago, when in CA? The problem then was that the financial offer was such that husband will not be taking money home for ages, something you felt was not fair?

    anita

    #321745

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Excellent question.  no he is not, in fact that surgeon we visited 2 years ago used to work for this current one, B – small world, we learned of this during our visit- but that one went off on his own from B.  This current surgeon B stated that the other wasn’t so great, and went off on his own to build a name and wanted his own “empire”.  I do believe this as we got a weird vibe from that other one at the end of it all, he seemed money hungry and wanted younger surgeons to make himself more succesful it seems – and decided to not pursue it.

    Of course have to take everything with a grain of salt when meeting new people, whatever B says.

    B is already extremely successful on his own, has an incredible name and practice, and will look to retire in the next 5-8 years or so.  He wants to continue to expand his brand and what he has built.  He last hired a young surgeon 3 years ago, whom we met.  And is looking to now add someone new as his volume continues to grow.

    In both of these scenarios it won’t be that way of not having money until later on –  as he will be supported financially with a salary day one.  That prior surgeon was asking for a lot of overhead costs from my husband to be paid in the first year – even while he would be ramping up and not so busy yet with patients as he would be new. That prior surgeon appears to be someone who wants to use younger surgeons.

    Neither of these practices expect this, they are fair, and will support financially in the first year of ramping up

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by  Cali Chica.
    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by  Cali Chica.
    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by  Cali Chica.
    #321757

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    As you know I have no background in medicine or business. Yet, I have some understanding in human behavior. So this is what I think:

    I like the San Diego offer because it is “a large surgical group… laid back and family oriented.. they try hard to maintain a work life balance.. not killing themselves to work to crazy”. They are financially doing well and I can’t imagine patient volume declining in the future because many millions of people live in Southern CA, many are wealthy, and I can imagine people from the San Fernando Valley and Ventura County willing to travel to San Diego for specialized surgery.

    “Overall theme: laid back” together with the “many amazing coastal beach town and commute will be easy”- sounds right for me, so very different from the nyc work environment. And for you- you too need a laid back kind of life.

    On the other hand, Newport Beach, I do not like because the “renowned surgeon.. B”, having built “this large empire almost… He himself has operated on many celebrities, and has an incredible reputation”, reads to me like a man with a huge ego, excited by his reputation and list of celebrities that impress almost everyone. I imagine he expects the young surgeons that he takes under his wing to be look up to him as The One, the ruler of his Empire. And I imagine that these young surgeons are not likely to share what they really think and feel about working under him, not good for their reputation, since he already has The reputation. I don’t like the idea of your husband to find himself being B’s b***. (I may be carried away, but this is as direct as I think I should be, to make my point). Your husband worked too hard in his life and suffered enough in nyc being dismissed by supervisors there, to end in a submissive role in CA.

    “B .. wants to take me on as a pain management and wellness doctor/ expert- and help develop my career as well”- makes me cringe, makes me think of the promises Hollywood celebrities make young actresses, if only the actress.. well, you know.

    My point, you and your husband are medical doctors, no reason to get yourselves into the stink of celebrity egos and politics, which is what the Newport Beach offer reads to me. Better the humane, fair, family oriented group in San Diego.

    Again, I may very well be carried away here, but this is what comes to my mind at this point.

    anita

    #321793

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your feedback.  I like when you are direct and honest – that is what talking like this is all about!

    So a lot of what you stated is correct.

    Especially the aspect of this man having an ego, and knowing this prestige of his will attract young surgeons.

    However, he also has a reputation for being a great surgeon and a good man – based on some of the other colleagues we know in the area.  The ruler, one, of the empire is correct though.

    As far as younger surgeons being the minions.  The surgeon who joined a few years ago was helped by B to get busy.  He is now independently busy and takes home the money he makes after paying the overhead.  That is it.  So the busier the surgeon is the better he will do, as busy as he wants to be in a way.

    The amount that my husband or any other one would share from the gross outcome of the whole practice will be based on percentages signed in a contract.  We are not looking to become like B, just want my husband to have more flexibility in his life and ability to make use of his talent.  Which he would be able to do in both practices.

    As far as my opportunity.  B would employ me and I would get referrals for pain management, I would then be able to send surgical candidates to my husband – further enhancing his productivity when those situations arise.  It isn’t exactly like the actress situation as I would be a contracted physician in his group, just like another pain management doctor he has from 10 years ago who is saturated and has a need to share with another doctor now.  I have a phone call with this physician next week.

    Yes what you said about SD is ABSOLUTELY correct – in the sense of more laid back, less ago, and family oriented.  We will review the numbers and contracts for both to see growth potential and all – and also compare different details.  In San Diego my husband may have to be on call certain times, in Newport – will not.

    There is a lot to consider and there is at least a month to go back and forth, more phone calls, talks, thoughts, etc.

    First and foremost – there are 2 great options!

    #321797

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I think that I was carried away by my sentiment regarding ego and celebrity culture/ politics of power and misuse of power. The biggest difference is perhaps in that contract you mentioned (“based on percentages signed in a contract”)- I assume you and husband will have the best legal input by the appropriate attorney regarding that contract, seeing that different possible future scenarios are covered there.

    “B.. has built this large empire… B stated that the other wasn’t so great, and went off on his own.. wanted his own ’empire'”- this doesn’t have a good feel to me: empires, rulers.. got to be minions somewhere in there. Hope the Contract or contracts take care of that aspect, the misuse of power. I mean, think of the Roman Empire, was there a single ruler who was “a good man”, I wonder.

    I know nothing about law, business, business-law and medicine, so I wasn’t able to follow everything that you mentioned.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 751 through 765 (of 802 total)

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