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This topic contains 868 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 day, 11 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 781 through 795 (of 869 total)
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  • #322517

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica, my friend:

    “the similarities just continue”- yes they do, amazing. And “we must be careful”, we must not do her bidding.

    Will be going for my walk next. I hope you and husband have a good day, looking forward to talking with you next time.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  anita.
    #322749

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Good Morning Anita,

    Brrr! Quite cold today! All over the US! I am glad you have the option for the treadmill now, to exercise during those blistering cold days coming up.  That was a good decision.

    I thought about what you stated: we must be careful not to do their bidding.

    I thought about it a lot, and thought about how so many actions in my past were in fact “doing her bidding.” Like an obedient little messenger, sent out in the world to “right all the wrongs” done to her.  Her bidding indeed.  Thank you for telling me this phrase.

    ——–

    I thought about something else as well.  I didn’t write about it to you yesterday as it first entered my mind as I wanted to contemplate it first.

    So, have you ever felt scared to rely on inner circle? As in YOUR inner circle, as in your husband.  Feeling that if you rely on this this one person predominantly – god forbid something happens, what will happen?!

    As in, putting too much weight on one person, and then something happens to them god forbid (theoretically) then you will feel so alone?

    So Ursula never said these words outright, but she mentioned often about people who are left with no one.  I am not trying to phrase it like her, and I don’t exactly have her words in mind.

    In my example, let’s say I become very good at focusing on inner circle – my husband (for now, perhaps children in the future).  But god forbid something happens – then would I ever feel “foolish” for that?

    Now as you can tell this is more of a rhetorical question, I don’t truly believe this – but interestingly it crossed my mind, whether it was Ursula’s words or my own.

    I know in reality – we are MEANT to focus on our own families and inner circles.  That is how society propagates forward.  That is also how the Animal Kingdom works.  Protect your own.  There is a reason this has been the way in nature and pre-modern society.  Sure societies in the past may have been more collective, including large families and “takes a village” mentality.

    Just some food for thought…your thoughts.  If you feel uncomfortable with this topic – we can talk about something else.

    #322755

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    You are welcome. Better no longer be Ursula’s “obedient messenger, sent out in the world to ‘right all the wrongs’ done to her”- for one, Ursula is the one doing wrong to others, including having done wrong to her own obedient messenger!

    Regarding the rest of your post, I want to understand better: when Ursula mentioned often about “people who are left with no one”, she was angry with the people doing the leaving, correct? Did she mentioned that in regard to her husband… others, any examples?

    anita

     

    #322761

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, Ursula was the “wrongest” of all – not the “fairest” of all as she thought.

    I know the second part of my post was a bit confusing, as it a jumbled thought I had myself.

    It went something like this:

    If one (say you or I) relies entirely on another and is in many ways dependent on that person (say a husband) – then if something was to happen to this person – would they then be devastated? and regret relying on this one sole person?

    #322763

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cai Chica:

    This is too general. In general, of course you shouldn’t rely entirely on husband, and it is wise to know what to do in case he can’t function, to adequately prepare for possibilities. I am sensing something else here though, Super Cali Chica maybe, feeling she has to be Super because no one else is, something like that, a roar maybe about not being able to rest and just be, because others are not dependable?

    anita

    #322777

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, it is too general.

    I don’t think others are not dependable – as in nowadays I see how dependable they truly are! For example, my own husband, my in laws.  Rock hard dependable and reliable people.  Unlike Ursula’s voice and brainwashing.  In fact it was SHE who was not dependable!

    I am not sure what I was trying to say, and now it is slipping my mind.  But I do like what you stated above, and I will elaborate on that as it is giving me some good fuel on this cold morning.

    You know Anita, you wrote about how CC has to be Super (perhaps) because others are not dependable.  I thought about how CC would feel if she lived this way, she would drive herself to sheer exhaustion.  I am watching her from the outside.  She is never resting, always trying to be in control.  She never truly enjoys her life – I see her decade after decade.  At work, at home, with children, without.  Nothing ever changes.  She always feels the same.

    It makes me think about the times when I used to tell you, there is never a sigh of relief – I always feel the same.  It makes sense to me now.  It is not that now all of a sudden I feel this sigh per se.  It is more that I can see the contrast.

    I see the days during which I hold on tightly to everything with a strong fist, unable to let go.  And other days, where I ebb and flow.  When I do not. I notice this even this past week.

    Like I told you, I have tried not to over think or ruminate about the jobs – we are gathering more information bit by bit.  I notice my tendency to “do.” To always do something.  Filling spaces, filling time with things to do.  Feeling a sense of accomplishment of this, but often it is just compulsive.  I have gotten much better about this, and I notice it now – if I am doing something just for that sake of doing it – I immediately stop.

    You know, we aren’t “supposed to feel” certain when we are faced with certainty.  Of course not.  BUT the difference I know now, is that we also aren’t “supposed to” be overwhelmed with anxiety and a feeling of now now now, must know now, must do now.  That is the difference I know now.  That difference is huge.

    addendum:

    I didn’t mean to quickly change subjects or avoid what I was saying earlier.  It is more that nowadays I notice that I am much better at removing unnecessary thoughts from my head.  Does that make sense? It’s almost like I can think about something, and when I realize it is not pertinent or a good use of my mental energy, I have gotten better of almost shaking it out of my head.  Not forcibly – but more of, “no need for you to hold residence in my brain..bye bye.”

    Hopefully this practice can continue when larger, and less pleasant things occur.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  Cali Chica.
    #322783

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I just opened the front door so to get a feel for the cold you are talking about (warm inside because of the woodstove from last night)- cold indeed but will get much colder than that.

    You are doing very well, being mindful and operating differently. I think you are continuing the Influenza Lesson (I think is how you referred to it, or something similar), taking on one task at a time, whenever possible, that is, and dealing with just what it is that’s in front of you, “removing unnecessary thoughts”. So, being aware that this is what you are doing, and it is a good thing, I am not going to bring up anything unnecessary to you, be it whatever it is that you consider unecessary at any one time.

    Whatever you bring up- I will aim at responding to just that one thing.

    anita

    #322785

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you, that makes sense – but also feel free to “be yourself” and bring up topics that are of interest to you if you wish. Do not worry that you are adding anything that is “unnecessary” as we both know very well we can converse easily – and know, if and when a topic may not fit the correct timing as well.  (good mindsets as well as boundaries)

    Yes, will get much colder for sure.  It is “feels like 15 today” at least above zero!

    So I wanted to ask you since this morning: How are you Anita? I want to hear about you.  How have you been, what is going on in the world and mind of Anita?

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  Cali Chica.
    #322795

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    You are welcome and thank you! What is going on in my world and mind- I keep doing the same thing I started so long ago and I can’t perceive doing anything else: learn about the human mind: human motivation, behavior, difficulties, what happened there in childhood, how we keep re-living the same internal life experience of those formative years (but forget how it was and get lost because of that disassociation). I read from others, I go back to myself, an outside-in, inside-out non-academic kind of learning.

    Other than that, I still go to the taproom once in a while (a Thanksgiving event for owner, servers and special customers.. that’s us) is coming up. I also like to travel to the city up north, and sometimes I get bored, I want something new, recently, that is, some kind of restlessness.

    anita

    #322797

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am glad for someone like you, someone who has such a great amount of time learning about human behavior.  I especially like your point about “re-living the same internal life experience of those formative years.”

    I was reading over the weekend, a lot about Indian culture.  The concepts of so many people married off before they are even true adults, and then living through unfulfilled marriages, and then dumping their un-fulfillment, anger, resentment, “feeling robbed” onto their children.  Many of which (even those apart of the extreme cases like my mother) feeling like their children owe them something for making this “ultimate sacrifice.” “I suffered all this for what, so that YOU could make me fulfilled.”

    Which of course is impossible.  It was enjoyable to read about this generally vs. relate it all to Ursula.  Seeing cultural trends, seeing societal trends.  Seeing the similarities and differences in human behavior in different regions.

    I wonder what it is that is new that you may be seeking.  I wonder if it is a sort of activity, or a sort of interaction.  Perhaps both.

    #322805

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    edit: typo – “glad for someone like you who spends such a great amount of time…” not has.

    #322807

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I don’t know what it is, this something new. But when I find out, I will be glad to let you know!

    About “so many people married off before they are even true adults, and then living through unfulfilled marriages, and then dumping their un-fulfillment, anger, resentment, ‘feeling robbed’ onto their children”- but there are so many millions such marriages outside the Indian culture. Many women get married when older, in their twenties or thirties, but still not really “true adults” as in being mentally well, emotionally prepared to choose a man and to establish and maintain a healthy marriage!

    Who doesn’t dump “their un-fulfillment, anger, resentment.. onto their children”?- lots and lots of parents all over the world do; it is a human inclination to do that, and not only to dump such onto children, but on anyone who is available and who will not bite in return.

    “feeling like their children owe them something”- this is as common as the common cold, even more common.

    “I suffered all this for what, so that YOU could make me fulfilled”- no, the child has nothing to do with Ursula getting married and staying married. Nothing at all. She used any argument so to gain power, that is all, lots of mothers do that: I did this for you! Now, what are you going to do  for me?

    The above is my rant!

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  anita.
    #322811

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Great rant indeed!

    And how common this all is – such a shame so many people having children without the proper mental wellness, maturity, etc etc – leading to so many children burdened with well — so much.  You and I know this, no need to explain.

    It is a shame.  That is all – what else can be said!

    You know, Anita – I don’t feel bad for myself.  I don’t feel bad for this injustice.  Not today.

    I know that it is unfair, and it is a shame – but all we can ask for is awareness, and new good people in our lives.  We both have that, so therefore we are lucky now.

    That term lucky – so interesting isn’t it.  This “illusion of luckiness” some ungrasp-able sort of concept/way of life.  This fantasy world.

    But luck is everyday.  Luck is you and I.  Luck is our husbands.  Luck is job opportunities.  Luck is change/and the ability to change.

    Luck is being able to grow each day.

    #322813

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    As you wrote about luck a thought ran through my mind, that I am lucky having you in my life, ever since 2016. And thank you for your first paragraph in your post before last (the one you edited) and for another thing, I made a note of it for myself, a few days ago, when you encouraged me to not filter and right above, complimenting my rant (aka roar)- this is a special gift from you to me, one that makes me lucky to receive it, because a lifetime of filtering has been indeed, a very frustrating experience, something dumped into my life by MOU: filter, filter, filter because if you don’t, you will anger me and bring about my next explosion (not in those words, of course).

    anita

    #322817

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am glad to give you this gift of: unfiltering.

    Cheers to our rants, our streams of consciousness, our authentic/unfiltered thoughts.  Cheers Cheers.

    We all should be lucky enough to have someone in our life that not only allows this, but endorses, and loves this!

    We are lucky to have one another, yes.  And I am glad we both make a note of that and appreciate it regularly.

Viewing 15 posts - 781 through 795 (of 869 total)

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