November 13, 2019 at 9:32 am #322823
Dear Cali Chica:
Our win-win has been established and is set in stone, I believe. It brings back to my mind what you wrote earlier this morning: “Rock hard dependable and reliable people”- I used to have no belief in such, that there are people I can depend on. This just brought an image to my mind: SCC having no one to depend on, no one to reply on, so she can’t stop moving, rushing here and there, because if she stops moving, she will fall. Nothing there solid to catch her when she falls, no wall to stand against, type thing.
SCC rushing, rushing, keeps moving because if she stops moving, she will fall, afraid to fall.
(I am aware you are not the same SCC, by the way, but SCC is still there).
anitaNovember 13, 2019 at 9:36 am #322827
Oh yes SCC is still there. There is much time and experience and life to be had before her disappearance. Perhaps never.
It is just a matter of how much she predominates.
You know sometimes SCC rushes because she simply doesn’t know what else to do! As in, she may not even feel “currently” anxious or worried, she’s just a robot. Good to be aware of that.
November 13, 2019 at 9:52 am #322837
- This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by Cali Chica.
Dear Cali Chica:
The robot doing Ursula’s bidding, going up that slide yet again because Ursula says so, can’t watch TV Saturday morning because Ursula says so. Can’t rest when having a mental breakdown of sorts in medical school because Ursula says so. The robot is programmed this way, can’t reprogram it. The only option is to bring out the human in there, as you have been doing, making mindful, thoughtful choices every day.
anitaNovember 13, 2019 at 9:55 am #322839
Mindful thoughtful choices each day – and then seeing the difference. Feeling the difference. And over time, more of those than the intrinsic robot.
In your opinion, what is the most detrimental aspect of SCC? General question but I want to know your natural unfiltered thoughts…November 13, 2019 at 9:59 am #322843
Dear Cali Chica:
The most harmful aspect of SCC: her health, tight muscles, but long term affect of elevated stress is my first concern. Other concerns: not operating as effectively as your natural intelligence, education, skills would allow, long term, because of the rushing. Also, harming your relationship with husband, of course, not allowing him down time from his own distressing day.
anitaNovember 13, 2019 at 10:30 am #322853
yes, yes, and yes
Burnout ensues from all the rushing, especially over long term – making it difficult for me to operate at a good authentic level – feeling overwhelmed with distress at every corner.
This can’t be the way – it won’t be. With daily work it can be different.November 13, 2019 at 10:57 am #322861
Dear Cali Chica:
“With daily work it can be different”- as you know, a different kind of work is required, not the rushing kind of work, or the perfect execution kind of work, which is what you are used to doing, the work you do in the clinic where you work, and in hospitals before, fast, accurate, smooth, as perfect as can be.
This kind of work, no longer operating as that robot, no longer doing Ursula’s bidding, that takes a slow, imperfect, hit and miss, experimental, unpredictable, new territory kind of work.
Keep your perfect execution as an MD in the context of your work as an MD. In the context of your work to “Self Trust and More”- see yourself differently, adopt a different image of yourself, have different standards of success. There are different rules to it, different expectations, different grading system, if there is grading at all at any one time.
anitaNovember 18, 2019 at 10:02 am #323443
Thank you for your last post. I especially like the portion of adopting another image for myself.
Since we last spoke, my husband and I have had many many follow up talks and research, and back and forth, etc etc -about the jobs.
We are almost certainly leaning towards SD. For all of the reasons you mentioned, plus the fact that when we were there in person – the team we had dinner with that evening were authentically kind, patient, and family – oriented.
I also interviewed for a position out in the area. I am waiting to hear back about it. They will still interview a few candidates and make a decision in December.
Starting last week I was very anxious about this. Worrying what if I don’t get the job – it is a great job. Worrying how I can make myself an even better candidate to them.
And then I allowed myself to let it go. They will choose who they choose. I know I am a great candidate, and there may be many other excellent candidates. They will choose the best person for the position they deem. They may have an internal candidate they want – they may not. I can not stress over it.
If my husband does take the SD job, he does have a concern of myself also having a job that I feel fulfilled in. I have reassured him that regardless of my opportunity or not – he should take it for the aforementioned reasons – IF those are what we are heading towards.
I can work per diem or part time until I find something good, sometimes it takes knowing the market a little after moving physically as well.
I am okay with this option as I no longer feel that I have to “do it all” and excel in everything. Perhaps my career will take a back seat for a bit, or perhaps for a long time. Perhaps it might be the best thing for me – maybe not.
But it will all work out somehow.
I will keep you posted on any further advancements.
How are you and how was your weekend?
November 18, 2019 at 10:41 am #323453
- This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by Cali Chica.
Dear Cali Chica:
My weekend was good- visited Seattle after not being there for a year on Saturday, been very foggy Sunday, slow and peaceful.
I thought about you last evening when I received an invitation to attend a wedding this evening. Notice: last evening I received a telephone call inviting us to attend a wedding in 24 hours from the time of the call. How can that be, one might ask. Answer: the couple booked a spot on an open mike event in a local market downtown. People book spots for themselves to perform a comedy routine or a song. This couple who have been in a relationship for a few years and intended to get married for some time, booked a spot in open mike to get married. Quite casual, isn’t it?
The reason I thought about you in connection to this, is I thought how very different are traditional Indian weddings!
Reads like you and husband will be living in SD and that you are operating like a team. Good thing. Like you expressed a long time ago, his job market is much smaller than yours, so it still makes sense that you settle where he has a job.
anitaNovember 18, 2019 at 11:15 am #323459
I have always wanted to visit Seattle. I have been to Portland which I enjoyed very much, but not Seattle. Will be easier to do so once we relocate out West!
Yes, how casual and fun this wedding sounds! It sounds like exactly what this particular wants for themselves – and that is splendid!
Will you be going? Sounds so fun! To me, a wedding should be whatever makes the couple happy – glad to hear about one that seems to be this way!
Yes, SD looks like the winner as of now, we still have a few more discussions past Thanksgiving, and will also see what my job possibility has to say. Hoping for the best!November 18, 2019 at 11:44 am #323463
Dear Cali Chica;
If you are coming to Seattle, this close, my goodness, we will get together, you, me and husbands, how exciting! But I don’t want to get carried away with excitement (overly excited neurons following a childhood with MOU harmed my neurons to an extent, not being able to endure excitement for long, it being so uncomfortable).
I will be glad to report to you this wedding this evening, will be there, maybe I will take a few photos for you!!! (Here I am getting excited again). An open mike small town USA wedding, how unique!
I think SD will be fine and dandy for husband and you, I mean, most likely. You can go only with probabilities, no guarantees. The challenge is to, is for you to endure the distress or discomfort of not knowing for sure, similar to me having to endure excitement, negative or positive.
anitaNovember 18, 2019 at 12:03 pm #323467
challenge is to, is for you to endure the distress or discomfort of not knowing for sure
Excellent way to say this.
Here’s the thing – about life – but we will focus on this scenario. You just never know.
BUT. My husband and I are logical people.
1 – the job will be better than the one here, well – it is hard to be worse! lol
2- SD as a location by nature will have a better patient population. By this I mean the type of clientele, this is not racist – but just a statement that is true. I won’t elaborate more – risking it seeming like I am profiling patients. I don’t intend for it to come off this way.
3- The set up of his practice is very organized, with tons of staff that operate well together it seems. Sure nothing is perfect.
His current job – not enough staff, and those who have frankly could care less about helping the doctors, common goal – of helping the patient.
4- SD, well it is SD. We absolutely love it there, and the outdoor lifestyle – and the fact that if and when we have kids, we can expose them to this. Also with the amount we pay in rent here – we could get a 3 bedroom home near the beach! Can’t beat that.
5- Lastly, nothing once again will be perfect. But we are optimistic, not clueless and naive. As in, it would be foolish if I said to you: CA is so beautiful – of course life will be better there!
or: the hospital is so nice, and people are so nice, of course we will be happier!
I have been through enough in my life to know that there are always unpredictable factors, people, life events, stressors – but if at least we align ourselves with positive opportunities – and hope for the best – we can set ourselves up for something great!November 18, 2019 at 12:31 pm #323475
forgot to add my part – do enjoy this wedding this evening! Sounds like a great time and relaxing. Eat drink and be merry my friend. Report back tomorrow! 🙂November 18, 2019 at 12:31 pm #323477
Dear Cali Chica:
I don’t see SD in this context as the “over there” of the Disneyworld Theme. It really is better: better climate, better life for the buck (3-bedrooms for same rent), better lifestyle for you (outdoors… no subways!), and most important for husband (and therefore for you): a “very organized” practice that is doctor friendly. This is exactly what his nyc job lacked terribly. More agreeable, cooperative, polite patient population makes a difference, just as more agreeable, cooperative and polite neighbors are preferable to uncooperative rude neighbors.
About enduring the distress of not knowing if you will get the job you applied for and other uncertainties- there will always be extra distress for those of us whose brains were formed under distress. Like I wrote to you a couple of years ago, it will take a few years before that distress calms down significantly. It is a long term project that has nothing much to do with anything but with that distance in between the ears. You can think to yourself: no matter where I live, distress will be in my life.
Don’t expect that once you make the move, or that if you get the job you applied for, then you will not be distressed anymore. This way your focus will not be the job you applied for, and the other uncertainties. Instead, your focus will be about this moment, here and now: how can I calm myself here and now?
November 18, 2019 at 12:38 pm #323481
- This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
how can I calm myself here and now.
Well if I ask myself that now…
I can focus on what you so eloquently wrote above – all the reasons SD is better.
How perfectly put – all excellent reasons that I think of daily.
I can tell myself – the focus is to be grateful for all of these reasons and focus more on big picture – I can tell myself all I want – but the way our brains are, as you wrote above – wired with distress in mind!
Therefore I will do something different. I used to focus so much on what I could control, thinking I had much more control than I really did.
This time – perhaps I focus on someone that is not me – my husband. All ducks align to be a better opportunity for him. So why don’t we go with that. How positive that is!
for me – it will work out. Somehow someway it always does. I have the credentials and the spirit – if not this, that will work, if not that – the other.
I mean to say – I was so preoccupied with me before! Not in a selfish way but in an Ursula way.
“How can I do more. How can I get this. How can I get that. What is missing. What can I do better…. ?????”
Instead I can focus on the beautiful team my husband and I have built- and how this next step for us is by all means welcomed and a great change waiting to happen!