@Jay2023 sometimes its easier to open up to strangers. They will not feel as frustrated or disappointed as your loved ones do so it removes that pressure. As men we don’t really have the same support bubble women are blessed with either so like you I’m grateful for this thread.

Women also get compliments left right and centre to boost their esteem. Whereas as a lad you’re lucky if you hear it once a year ahaha. But that’s what I love about ‘B’ she’s my biggest supporter and really hypes me.

I think what you described is what I felt for a long time too. That’s loneliness. You sound like a very sociable human being who desires deep connection. Have you never had that deep connect on a platonic level ?

Even though your relationship with that person ended it’s just the beginning of who you want to be. You deserve a better love, and you know you do and that’s essential in moving forward.

Before I met ‘B’ I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted. It’s like she was an anchor who helped steady me and open my eyes. At first I wasn’t even romantic attracted to her. Physically yes but the love came later. I think seeking an emotional connection is what you need and a person who doesn’t judge you and just gets you. You need someone who is comforting. I think with time you’ll find what you deserve and you’ll look back and realise what you had wasn’t anywhere close.

If you don’t mind me asking what issues do you need to explore with a therapist?

Maybe one of us might have a shared experience. I also agree from my communication with you, you have a goodness in you mate. For one you don’t seek one night stands to fill voids. You want the real thing. You want true companionship. I hope with our help and therapy you get it bro.

@Jay2023

The fact you’re seeking help is a massive step bro. I’m proud of you lad that you want to take control and get to that place. Admitting there’s an issue is the start of getting better. Although I’ve made strides, talking to you has actually made me realise I don’t think I’ve explored and fully dealt with my own spiral that was triggered by ‘A’  and my best friends betrayal – I think that’s what caused my outburst with ‘B’ and I don’t want to like yourself, to suffer for it and ruin my own happiness. Initially it took my brother’s illness to come back to reality and begin to deal with things and then my angel ‘B’ crossed my path and really flipped a switch for me. I’m not fully there still work in progress and I hope she doesn’t give up on me now.

What was the event that went wrong – it sounds like a relationship? Do you believe it was that event that triggered it or have you always felt sadness and loss of interest? That feeling of lostness I found was because I spend so long making others happy, appeasing them and contorting to fit them. I didn’t know who I was. When you find yourself and start being authentic to that the grey clouds begin to lift.

Do you have a cheerleader in your life, someone who really gets you and encourages you. Or have you had anyone like that? Without that we can only hear our own inner critic, that voice can be deafening. It causes you to manifest what you believe about yourself – self fulfilling prophecy.

So having someone who is really supportive and encouraging can make a world of difference and doesn’t seem like the relationships you chose offered that. Instead you chose to keep yourself in toxic ones that reinforced your view of being unworthy I bet!

From what you said, it seems like you are saying you end friendzoning yourself bro?

I’m glad you’re starting to accept your compassion and caring nature as a strength. There’s a lot of toxic masculinity about so once you start to accept yourself you’ll get your moment!

Hello @Dannydan
I think you can send message today. I wish you good luck, and let us know what happens.

Hello @Dannydan

It’s okay, I admit was not posting much but I was reading you all the time so I kind of do feel a connection.

How is it today? Did you send the message? I just wanted you to know I’m here.

@Dannydan, what do you mean by “going around”.

It seems to me, if she switched her phone she really wants space, and if by “going around” means going to her place, I’m not sure if that’s wise.

@Rhaenys yeah I know I’d be unwelcome. Trying to just battle through. Thank you. Hope you had a better weekend.

@Jay2023 it’s okay bro. I know you’re finding it tough yourself at times. Anything I can help with ? The other night just that back and forth conversation made me feel better. It was a distraction trying to help you and it just felt good to talk to another male about stuff. Did you see my reply mate?

@Jay2023 @Sammy1 Guys I desperately need your advice please! SOS this is a long post. I’m trying to make sense of it all!

Things may have just got worse if that was even possible!

Around midday I looked at the message I had sent and it was delivered and had been read but she didn’t reply! Now I know why she always says be polite to everyone – being left on read is more painful than you’d think! Lesson learned for future.

This is not norm behaviour for ‘B’ so I started to panic and for the first time I think I had an a fully blown anxiety attack. My heart was racing, my throat began to close in on me and I felt I couldn’t breathe. Then I reasoned and repeated to myself what Sammy had said that this woman I love wasn’t stonewalling me, she was mature and would be in touch, when she is ready. She just needed time. She had just received it today.

I calmed myself down and slumped back into gaming to distract myself.  About an hour or so later with no heads up ‘B’ was at the doorstep. The place and I looked like a dishevelled mess so when I opened the door, I just froze because I wasn’t expecting her! She asked if she could come in – my fiancé who has a key, still asking if she could come into what should be ours 😔 oh man my stomach just started to churn this time. Is this anxiety?

I managed to utter of course, she made her way into the lounge and I could see she was clearly disappointed by the state of it. I didn’t know what to say so I just grabbed her wrist and pulled her in for a hug. I should have hugged her the moment I opened the door instead of standing there like a clown. She embraced me back and as I held her she started sobbing. It felt like being kicked in the stomach and winded seeing her so upset. I cupped her face and wiped her tears and told her I’m so sorry for being stupid and insensitive and I was going to make it right, instead of talking, she kissed me. I just couldn’t resist it. It was so intense and things just started to really escalate, but when she began to unbuckle my jeans, I wanted to succumb i really did but after all this time respecting her wish, I didn’t want the first time to be like this or cross anymore lines than I had, leaving both of us feeling regretful. So I pulled away. I think @Jay2023 will confirm as a fellow man how painful this is!

When I pulled away, she looked absolutely mortified. That’s the last thing I wanted her to feel, I said we should talk, she didn’t say anything and she just started to back away everytime I edged forward. I honestly didn’t know what was happening, I asked her to talk to me, I asked her what’s wrong and then the fucking doorbell rang. In this chaos I had forgotten my dad was going to pick up his toolbox. I didn’t want to open it, I wanted to deal with what had just happened. But then he began shouting Danny son through the damn letter box! ‘B’ managed to say “it’s your dad open it,” reluctantly as I opened the door to a bloody hell you look like a right state! I took him straight to the kitchen so ‘B’ could fix up but I saw her slip out, I couldn’t go after her. My dad was only there for about 15 mins and in that 15 mins I was so angry at the timing and just wanted him to leave, I feel awful for even saying that! I was probably curt with him too another person I need to apologise to. He asked what was wrong and that I looked like a right state, I had to lie and say ‘B’ was at her friends otherwise knowing him he would have called around to her place too.

I just wanted to cry and smash something at the same time. In the lounge she had left a note “I shouldn’t have come, I need more time, I’m sorry, don’t follow me”

I am trying to stay calm but something is really wrong and I’m not just overthinking this. I don’t know what’s going on with her and this is all so out of character. I feel like my emotions are running riot, I fluctuate from feeling deep sadness from seeing her so upset to anger thinking I can’t do anything right – was that some sort of a test or something?

I’m aware as a man how hard it can be when you’re knocked back for sex, it feels like a rejection of you, if you let it, it can lead to stupid resentment. That’s exactly how I felt the first time I was with her. I was careful to not hurt her feelings when I pulled away, I calmy whispered I want this but we should talk. But she still looked mortified. I don’t know what’s going on with her, our strong communication has gone out the window. I understand I was in the wrong during the argument and I know where I hurt her but I don’t understand what’s happening now and her almost having sex with me after we have waited so long has really thrown me. What the hell is going on here guys? Was i wrong to pull away? Was this some sort of break up or goodbye? What do I do? I’m at a loss and just feel like I’m going to do or say something really regretful.