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Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people honor their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

Lori Deschene's Website

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Honest in Relationships

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“Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.” ~Unknown

The other day, a friend told me how his previous relationship fell apart. His girlfriend failed to disclose a major resentment based on a misconception, and instead initiated a series of arguments over little things until their relationship eventually collapsed under the weight of all that confrontation.

I explained how I practice radical honesty with my boyfriend. Essentially, I disclose everything I think and feel about him that I have trouble resolving in my head, knowing full well most of it has more to do …

Tiny Wisdom: On Letting Go of Painful Stories

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“The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that.” -Eckhart Tolle

Today I read that Elizabeth Smart, who was kidnapped in 2002, is going to join ABC as a correspondent, covering missing persons.

In case you haven’t followed this case, Elizabeth was only 14 when Brian David Mitchell abducted her from her Salt Lake City home. Her parents had previously hired the homeless man for a day’s work, something they did often to help people who were down on their luck. And yet for nine months he …

Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Beautiful Moments

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“Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

The other day, I was looking through friends’ Facebook albums–and by friends, I mean teenage cousins, readers I’ve yet to meet, and acquaintances from high school.

It all started so innocently, clicking on a recently added photo on my wall, and before I knew it, I was knee-deep in the lives of people I rarely see, have never seen, or haven’t seen in years.

There were, of course, hundreds of photos of each person in different exciting destinations–kind like that garden gnome that shows up in pictures from …

51 Things That Will Make You Smile

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Some days, it’s easy to smile. You wake up to the sounds of birds chirping, with the warm glow of the morning sun cradling your face. You take several deep, cleansing breaths standing beneath a perfectly cascading shower, just before drawing a smiley face on the steamed-up glass with your index finger.

Your roommate or significant other makes your coffee, just the way you like it. You hit every traffic light. You sing to your favorite tunes. And you arrive at work refreshed, excited, and anxious to create and collaborate.

But not every day starts this way. Sometimes you wake …

Tiny Wisdom: How Criticism Helps You Excel

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“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” -Aristotle

No matter what you’re trying to do, someone somewhere has a harsh opinion.

Maybe it’s a virtual stranger. Since the advent of the Internet, people can easily vent their judgments behind a cloak of anonymity. Most of the world’s successful people have a Google trail laced with negativity.

Or maybe it’s someone who’s supposed to have faith in you—your father doubts your aptitude for the legal profession, or your friend thinks your singing belongs in the shower.

Either way, it hurts. And you may …

Tiny Wisdom: On Changing How You See Problems

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“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” -Mary Engelbreit

In a recent response to my blog post about dealing with difficult people, an anonymous commenter mentioned that she has a negative team member, an irrational supervisor, and an ineffective HR manager. Since she feels that leaving her job isn’t an option, she asked for advice about what she should do.

I could relate to that feeling of being stuck–when you’re in a situation you don’t like, but you feel powerless to change it.

When I’ve been in …

Tiny Wisdom: On Where We’re Going and Why

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“A journey is best measured in friends,  rather than miles.” -Tim Cahill

Not too long ago, someone asked me how scalable Tiny Buddha is, and how I plan to expand the site to reach millions of people and generate substantial revenue.

My answer was (and is) that I don’t. I have absolutely no concrete plans to reach certain benchmarks for readers or dollars. I do, however, have plans for the site’s growth–but they’re focused more on creating new features than attracting new people to use them.

It’s not about expanding Tiny Buddha’s reach; it’s about how deeply we can all …

Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

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“Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” ~Māori Proverb

People often comment that the Tiny Buddha emails come at just the right time for them, and I think there’s a simple explanation for that. They all address universal challenges–things we all deal with, and often. They’re the things we sometimes forget connect us.

We all deal with pain, heartache, disappointment, frustration, fear, anxiety, and loss. We don’t deal with it at the same times, in the same ways, or for the same reasons, but we all experience the same emotions–over and over again.

Just …

Tiny Wisdom: On the Illusion of Tomorrow

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“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” -Gandhi

If only tomorrow were here.

You’d have that promotion you feel you’ve earned. Your bank account would have an extra zero or two. You’d be finished with the improvements on your house, and ready for new ones to make it even more comfortable.

Your kids would be in that school you can’t yet afford. Closer to graduation. Closer to adulthood. Closer to leaving your home.

You could plan that vacation you’ve wanted to take. And take it. And come back. And want for another.

If only tomorrow were here.

You’d …

Tiny Wisdom: On Dreaming of a Better You

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“To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.” -Unknown

It’s one of life’s greatest challenges: learning to constantly evolve without undermining the beauty of who you are in this moment. In fact, it seems like a bit of a contradiction. If you’re committed to becoming who you could be, how can you simultaneously value and honor who you are?

I suspect it’s all about perspective.

You honor who you are when you know you have more to learn but appreciate that, right now, you are someone who is capable of doing …

Tiny Wisdom: On Doing What You Love for Work

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“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” ~Buddha

Whenever I write or publish a post about following your heart professionally, inevitably someone comments that it’s far easier said than done. I completely understand this instinct. After all, most of us don’t start with a massive nest egg that allows us to explore our passions without concern for financial security.

I also understand when people get frustrated by articles that suggest making a living with your passion is a simple step-by-step process.

It’s not always easy to do what you love …

Tiny Wisdom: On What We Really Want

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“Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth.” -Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

So many times in life we hop from illusion to illusion.

We imagine that we’re finally getting closer to happiness, when the very fact that we’re looking for it in the future makes it unlikely we’ll experience it in the present.

We interpret what we experience based on our pasts and fears, instead of seeing people and things with fresh eyes.

We attach to ideas of right and wrong, as if things are black and white, and in doing so convince ourselves that we …

Tiny Wisdom: On Living in Peace

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“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the world.” -Marcus Aurelius

Yesterday I read an article that described how several hundred people got together to kick off the summer season by practicing yoga in the middle of Times Square. I felt a bit nostalgic in reading this because I did the very same thing exactly five years ago.

We were all crammed together, mat to mat, raised 10 feet off the ground. It’s a surreal feeling to ease into downward dog within such a chaotic, electric, commercial environment. It’s the ultimate challenge in centering yourself–with thousands …

Tiny Wisdom: On Believing in Your Ideas

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“Ideas can be life-changing. Sometimes all you need to open the door is just one more good idea.” -Jim Rohn

The other day, my boyfriend and I started brainstorming for a screenplay we’re going to write. As we kept finding new details about the characters and events, I found myself fully visualizing it in my head.

I saw what the actors would look like. I imagined the trailer. I could hear the soundtrack. I was laughing at jokes that we didn’t yet write. The movie felt like a living, breathing organism, and in that moment, even at the very beginning …

Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Change

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“To get something you never had, you  have to do something you never did.” -Unknown

There’s a reason we often take the path most traveled: Seeing all the footprints on the well-trodden road creates the illusion of certainty, especially when many are your own.

When it’s familiar,  it feels safe. You know what’s at the end; you’ve been there before. You know how to get there, so you don’t need to pay too much attention to your steps or the details along the way. You can just kind of put yourself on auto-pilot and go.

But there’s something kind of …

Tiny Wisdom: On Showing Your True Feelings

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“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” -Benjamin Disraeli

As I’ve been preparing my presentation for the Wanderlust Yoga and Music Festival, I’ve been watching a lot of powerful speeches related to my topics of authenticity and connection. I found my way to Dr. Brené Brown, who researches vulnerability.

In her inspiring talk, Brené explains how shame can be one of the biggest barriers to connection. If you believe there is something wrong with you—that you are somehow unworthy—you may hide who you are in fear of being judged and rejected.

This …

Tiny Wisdom: On Risks and Rewards

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“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” -H. Jackson Browne

It’s safe. Familiar. Comfortable. Effortless. It doesn’t make waves. It’s what other people think you should do. You’re less likely to fail. Less likely to feel vulnerable. Less likely to question if it was worth the risk.

Whether you realize it now or not, it is. We tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did.

On my first date with my boyfriend, I told him over dinner that I’d always wanted to go skydiving, even though …

Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing You’re Complete

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“On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do.” -Eckhart Tolle

In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explores how people attach their happiness to achievements in the future. A perfect relationship. A promotion. A salary increase.

Since all of these things exist somewhere other than now–and they’re all impermanent, even if you do achieve them–this thinking creates pain on multiple levels.

First, in the present, when you’ve yet to achieve what you think you need. Next in the acquisition, when you realize even though you’ve …

Tiny Wisdom: On Helping Yourself

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“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

Helping yourself is telling people what you need, even though you’re afraid to acknowledge it.

It’s forgiving yourself for your mistakes, even though you feel like dwelling.

It’s taking responsibility for your problems, even though someone else may have played a large part in them.

It’s breaking a problem into tiny, manageable pieces, even though you feel overwhelmed.

It’s living in accordance with your values, even when they stand in the way of something you think you want.

It’s allowing yourself to …

Tiny Wisdom: On How Much You’re Worth

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“The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” -Unknown

Before I started this site, I found myself in a horrible financial situation. I lost two well-paying jobs within the same week, and I quickly realized my unemployment benefits would just barely cover my rent. At 28 years old, I felt like I should have been a lot more established and financially secure.

But something kind of beautiful happened. I began forming close relationships with people who also got laid off due to the economic meltdown. Since we were in the …