“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown
I would love to identify as someone who, when her relationships crumble either gradually or all at once, is able to wipe her hands clean and go about her life without any closure.
I fantasize about the tears, time, and energy I would save if I didn’t feel the need for closure and if I didn’t agonize about trying to have these heartfelt and “necessary” conversations with the people with whom I’ve had falling outs.… Read More
“When we can longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl
Bullies are everywhere. One of the most insidious and destructive forms of bullying is family bullying, because it’s often done in the name of love.
As someone who was bullied by family members for more years than I care to count, I spent a lot of time learning that most of the bullying going on was not about me or my failings—it was more about what other people needed to unload.… Read More
“To be nobody but yourself in a world doing its best to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human can ever fight and never stop fighting.” ~e.e. cummings
I’m gay. I’m married to a woman and we have a beautiful daughter together. I also have an ex–boyfriend that I was with for quite a significant time.… Read More
“The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.” ~Unknown
Envy is such an overpowering and overwhelming feeling, often something hidden, or masked by a smiley face, or fuelled into rage and resentment. I’ve experienced all of these emotions in my life, and as I neared my fortieth birthday, I felt that I could not go on.… Read More
“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown
My healing journey can be described through what I call the “self formula”:
Self-Doubt > Self-Loathing > Self-Destruction > Self-Awareness > Self-Love
Mine is the oldest story in the book. Adolescent angst.… Read More
“I’ve discovered that you can’t change people. They can change themselves.” ~Jim Rohn
This is indeed a fact—a fact that took me a very long time to learn.
You may argue that we help each other change, and it’s true. But the deepest truth is that only we are responsible for our own growth.… Read More
“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson
Love terrifies me.
After having loved, courted, and married the love of my life, things went sour. Over the course of a few years, our marriage crumbled and our relationship came to a sudden halt.
When you’ve only been with one person, loved that person to the core, and believed that person to be your soul mate, you take the break-up unusually hard.… Read More
“Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional.” ~Max Lucade
I used to do everything I could to avoid having conversations that could potentially be challenging or difficult—even resorting to lying or obfuscation if I really felt backed into a corner.
I didn’t have a good template for what healthy conflict looked like, so every challenging conversation felt like a minefield where I could be attacked, blamed, or shamed at any moment.… Read More
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it.” ~Eckhart Tolle
Has this ever happened to you?
Something happens, some kerfuffle or other, like sickness, loss, or unexpected change. And just when you need it most, a friend—whom you considered true and dear—doesn’t stand by you.
You feel betrayed.… Read More
“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl
There’s probably no worse feeling in life than the feeling of being rejected. Whether it’s from the opposite sex, a friend or family member, or co-workers, the feeling that our presence is not wanted or no longer welcomed can cause us to feel hurt and become defensive.… Read More
“We must never forget that it is through our actions, words, and thoughts that we have a choice.” ~Sogyal Rinpoche
Just a few short years ago, I would have relished in being called a “yes person.”
I loved that label. I thought it made me approachable, helpful, and charitable, and I loved being “top of mind” for so many people and wonderful opportunities.… Read More
“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom
Have you ever felt less about a relationship when it didn’t exactly pan out like a fairy tale? I sure did.
I had it stuck in my mind that a great relationship should be picture perfect.
When reality would give me a sobering slap showing it was far from perfect, I would walk away from a relationship that refused to meet my standards.… Read More
“Getting over a past relationship is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis
I recently stumbled into a clothing store where everything was full of life and color, until I saw the sales clerk.
She had obviously been crying. I perused the merchandise and hesitatingly asked her a question about an item.… Read More
“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown
When I accepted a position with a small company, I thought I had found everything I wanted: challenging work in my field, flexible hours, laid-back atmosphere, and a short commute.
My new job seemed to be perfect, but soon I realized it wasn’t.… Read More
“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as true love, like in the good old movies of Casablanca or The Notebook? Maybe you’ve found your true love.… Read More
“The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” ~Ralph Blum
Divorce. Not an activity that I ever had on my to-do list and not something I contemplated when I got engaged in Paris. Who does?
We’ve all heard the statistics that one in three marriages ends in divorce.… Read More
“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown
“This is it,” I thought. I finally found the man I had been waiting for.
Of course, it had taken me thirty-nine years and a painful divorce from my husband of ten years. But that was all worth it, I told myself, because it had led me to the man who seemed to see, understand, and love me the way I had always hoped someone would.… Read More
“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings.” ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There was an incessant doubt deep inside that wouldn’t subside. It followed me everywhere—through the good times and the rough times.
By “good,” I mean things were okay. They were never great, ecstatic, wildly passionate, and deeply connected.
I tried to escape it, block it out, ignore it, and pretend this nagging feeling would eventually disappear.… Read More