Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

by Lori Deschene

“When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.” ~Sue Patton Theole

Whether you’re talking to your mother or your coworker, odds are you don’t always give your complete attention without formulating thoughts of your own. Even the most Zen person sometimes waits to talk instead of really listening.

It happens all the time.

As your sister recounts her afternoon and the hassle she encountered at the DMV, you feel the temptation to interrupt and one-up her—your afternoon was even crazier.

While your boyfriend tells you about his interview, you half-listen and half prepare your own monologue, entitled My Long Day at the Office.

And let’s not forget your daughter’s after-school recap, when it takes everything inside you to not finish her sentence, rush her to the point, and start doling out chores. Without realizing it, you’ve given a subtle cue she doesn’t deserve your time and full attention. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for a minute?” ~Henry David Thoreau

You’re riding on the subway, immersed in a book. You’re running in the park, lost in your iPod. You’re waiting in line at Starbucks, fixated on the menu.

Sometimes we act like we’re completely alone, even when  surrounded by lots of people. It’s like we’re following an unspoken rule that suggests we shouldn’t look at each other, at least not for too long.

It happens all the time: you suddenly make eye contact with someone you don’t know, and your discomfort compels you to avert your eyes. If you do manage a smile, it’s probably perfunctory, without real joy and affection behind it. Those are emotions you reserve for people you  know–people you’re more intimate with.

Some studies have indicated people who live in cities are less apt to make eye contact with strangers than people who live in suburbs. This may be a response to crowding; when you feel you don’t have enough personal space, you’re more protective of it.

If there’s truth to that hypothesis, it’s somewhat ironic. You move to a city to experience the life that pulsates through it; and respond by shutting down in everyday situations.

Resist the urge to shutdown. Instead of walking with your eyes glued to your feet, hold your head high and connect with people. Really see them and let them see you. If you’re not a confident person, connecting for more than one second may feel incredibly difficult. Just try. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed- it is a process of elimination.” ~Elbert Hubbard

A couple weeks back you probably wrote out a list of resolutions; that’s what people do when a new year approaches. And that’s a wonderful idea.

According to research published in the University of Scranton Journal of Clinical Psychology, people who explicitly set resolutions are 10 times more likely to reach their goals than people who don’t.

Perhaps your list addressed  multiple areas of your life–professional milestones you’d like to reach, objectives for your health and fitness, experiences you’d like to have. If you’re a blogger, you may even have listed 50 things you’d like to achieve. It’s a popular format in the world of online lists.

As impressive as all these plans look on a page–and as capable as you may be–you might find it difficult to follow through with all those good intentions.

As a culture, we tend to think more is better, but this mindset often sacrifices quality for quantity; never mind that it sets most of us up for failure. When you overwhelm yourself with plans and information you’re likely to get overwhelmed and stop before you start. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The only Zen you find on tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.” ~Robert M. Persig

We live in a fast-paced, achievement-oriented society. At the end of a busy, to-do-list-focused day, we often find ourselves mentally and physically exhausted and uncertain whether we’re actually moving in the right direction in “the pursuit of happiness.”

Perhaps this explains our fascination with all things Zen. It’s become a buzzword in pop culture, branding products that have little to do with peace and enlightenment—and oftentimes, represent ideas that are diametrically opposed.

Zen Dharma Teacher Rev. Lynn “Jnana” Sipe takes an interesting look at Zen in titles in print publications, on all topics from automobiles to music. Some notable titles include: “Engine Zen,” “The Zen of Contractor Relations,” and “Zen and the Art of Propane Safety.”

Then there’s the vast world of products branded with Zen: tea, candles, rakes, fans, stones, books, eye masks, pillows, fountains, wind chimes, bath products, incense, oils, home décor. All intended to soothe our harried minds. It’s ironic that their acquisition requires more doing and earning—and possibly more stress. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“It is never too late. Even if you are going to die tomorrow, keep yourself straight and clear and be a happy human being today.” -Lama Yeshe

There’s a common misconception that there comes a point when it’s too late to do things you want to do. Maybe one of these statements sounds familiar to you:

“I can’t become a designer. I’m far too old to change my career path.”

“I’ll never get married. It’s too late in the game for that.”

“I couldn’t possibly start yoga. That’s for people much younger than me.”

We choose arbitrary windows of time when we imagine we should have tried something, and then believe it’s not possible once those days have past.

The saddest part of this way of thinking is that we’re generally right. Not because it can’t be done; but because we can only do what we believe we can.

If you don’t think it’s possible to begin a new profession, you won’t take a training course, send out resumes, or make the connections you need to succeed. Click Here to Read More…

“When you live on a round planet, there’s no choosing sides.” -Wayne Dyer

Research shows that rooting for a team–identifying with a group and enjoying the camaraderie you feel with other fans–can increase your sense of personal happiness.

While it’s satisfying to feel a sense of belonging, it can be dangerous to carry this us-against-them philosophy into other areas of your life. People do it all the time.

A man connects so deeply to his heritage he puts up walls with people from different backgrounds.

Or a woman believes something with so much conviction, people who disagree become immediate adversaries.

In this way, we shut ourselves into little boxes of people and relate to everyone else as outsiders. The Dalai Lama says we don’t need to give up our sense of belonging to communities; we just have to recognize various levels–the highest connecting us by a fundamental human bond.

So, rather than relating to others based on what makes us different, we relate based on what characteristics we share.

If there’s one common theme on this site–and in Buddhism, in general–it’s that people aren’t all that different. We all want to feel good and purposeful. We all want to avoid feeling pain.

Ironically, it’s painful to see other people as sitting on the other side. Believing or expecting the worst in them. Holding up a guard, ever-ready for an attack. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We must never assume that which is incapable of proof.” -Unknown

You can never truly know someone else’s intentions.

If a coworker offers to cover your shift, she may be trying to ease your stress–or she could be vying for your job. If your sister-in-law offers to pay for your meal, she may want to help you out during tough times–of she could be trying to remind you you’re inferior.

You can always find a negative assumption that allows you to believe the worst in people. Or you can give that person the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interests at heart.

When you assume someone is being kind and not selfish, you may occasionally wrong, but for the most part you’ll feel appreciative and peaceful with the people in your life. The alternative is to believe people are bad, seek and find proof everywhere, and walk around feeling bitter and critical.

When you have no proof, it’s a judgment call: assume the best and feel good and grateful; or assume the worst and feel bad and suspicious. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“I could never make a living while traveling the world; it’s just not realistic.”

“My guitar won’t pay the bills. People think I’m crazy for trying.”

“I don’t have the money to go back to school. I’m stuck in this dead-end temp job.”

Most people dream of doing something that gives them a sense of excitement and purpose. Only some people believe in the possibility of that meaningful, exciting reality. Even fewer people pursue those goals in the face of adversity and discouragement.

Belief in possibility and the willingness to try can mean the difference between feeling alive and feeling stuck. Even if you don’t get where you’re headed, believing you can, and working toward your dream is more powerful than you realize.

The woman who spends her days going to auditions—she may not be a famous actress, but she’s an actress who could find work. Work that may lead to opportunities she can’t even imagine.

The man who wants to bike across the US someday—every hour he devotes to training increases his chances of achieving his goal. Every time he dots an i on his dream-to-do list, he’s one step closer to actually doing what some people say he can’t.

There will always be people who doubt you. People who think you should do what’s easy, customary, and reasonable. Sometimes you may even be one of those people. Don’t think about them today. Instead, think about one simple step. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

As children we’re taught just say no—and we do it with abandon.

Want to come inside and get ready for dinner? No! Want to shut off the TV and go grocery shopping? No! Want to wear the glittery holiday sweater grandma bought you last year? You know where this is going.

Then you get older and learn about etiquette. You get that sometimes you need to do things you don’t want to. You understand that other people’s feelings matter; and you need to consider them before making decisions.

What you don’t always learn is how to find a balance between doing for others and doing for yourself.

You say you value your time, but it’s difficult when you field a million requests through voicemail, email, IM and text.

You know you need to hold your ground if you want to be productive—or stay sane—but you don’t want to disappoint anyone, or even worse, leave them hanging when they need you. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The secret to success is constancy to purpose.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

Most of us want to be successful—if not in monetary terms, then by our own definitions.

We want to feel a sense of meaning; to do something worthwhile that we can be proud of. Something that matters to people. Something that will live on after we do.

We often get so caught up in becoming who we want to be, that we miss on being those people right now.

We get so focused on striving—getting things done, crossing items off the to-do list—that we forget to simply enjoy that purpose that matters so much. We approach tasks like races, anxious to reach the finish line. And then move onto the next item—get just one foot closer to that dream.

Sometimes when we move closer through achievements, we move further away in passion. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Your boss could email. Your mother might call. Your boyfriend could text. A potential client might @reply. A colleague could leave a blog comment. Your cousin may IM with information you need to know now.

Everything seems urgent in an always-on world, where we can access each other at any time. Even if you manage to tune everything out, odds are you feel a little distracted.

People expect you to be available and they’re frustrated when you’re not. Or maybe it has nothing to do with them, and you just don’t want to disconnect. Who knows what you’ll miss if you disappear into your own space for a while.

Though you may lose the opportunity to get in a conversation mere moments after it started, you’ll gain something far greater by stepping back.

When you stop being available to everyone else, you become more available to what’s in front of you.

You let go of your phone, without worrying it might vibrate, and use both hands to hug your grandmother. You stop watching your email like a pot that hasn’t boiled, and actually taste the tea you usually multitask. You stop living each moment like a narrator watching and start feeling more alive in your experiences. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.” ~Bill Vaughn

You have bills. And obligations. And responsibilities.

And people who mean something to you: People who believe in you who you’d like to make proud. People who don’t believe in you who you’d like to prove wrong.

Things you want to accomplish, both for you and your family. Things you want to experience to feel you’ve lived a full life.

Things that keep you caught in a place in your head where now feels like no more than a vehicle to a better tomorrow.

Those people and things aren’t going anywhere. You can.

You can go to a place where anything seems possible. Where you see what’s right in front of you and fully enjoy it without stressing about something that happened or hasn’t happened yet.

A place where appearances don’t seem so important—so you play, and act silly, and ask questions, and respond honestly, without censoring or judging your feelings.

A place where you feel good doing things that make you happy, no matter how long they’ll last, because they make you smile right now.

You can’t go back to three years old—you probably wouldn’t want to—but you can tap into all that joy.

Take recess today. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.” ~R.D.Laing

Have you ever noticed a new business on your route to work, only to later learn it’s been there for weeks?

Somehow in the hustle and bustle of your morning routine you missed an obvious change to your environment. It happens—and often on a much smaller scale.

As we do what we always do, we tend to focus on things we always see, and, as a result, think the way we always think. Even if you’re the most interesting person in the universe, your world will start to feel stale and dull if you lose sight of what’s in front of you.

There’s a whole lot of change to notice and appreciate, even if you’ve never left your hometown.

New leaves on a tree. A new chill in the air. New neighbors. New excitement at your local playground. New businesses, and billboards, and new solutions to problems. A new bounce in your mother’s step. New energy in your office. New passion within your friends. New perspectives on things that didn’t even change. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend, or a meaningful day.” ~Dalai Lama

Some sociologists argue that weak ties—the type you form with colleagues and online friends, for example—are the bane of modern life.

Instead of having meaningful conversations that bring us closer to people, we spend much of our time networking with a vast sea of strangers. We keep many interactions peripheral, failing to form the type of intimacy that benefits us emotionally and even physically.

A recent New York Magazine article titled Alone Together, challenged this idea since weak ties create possibilities for new and deeper connections.

Seize those possibilities. Click Here to Read More…