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Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

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Tiny Wisdom: The Same, But Different

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“What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” -Unknown

My boyfriend, who is an aspiring screenwriter, has told me that the film industry and moviegoers essentially want “the same, but different.”

We want the same themes, but with different people; the same humor, but in different circumstances.

We want to see good rewarded, and for love to conquer all; we want the hero to change for the better, and the villain to reap what he sows.

We want action, excitement, adventure, and romance; we want to feel terrified and then relieved; …

Tiny Wisdom: When Less Is More

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“Don’t use a lot where a little will do.” -Proverb

I recently saw a reality show about reviving struggling restaurants. The premise is that an expert comes in to help save a family business and in the process helps the owners rebuild their relationships and their lives.

In the beginning, the expert suggested the family reduce their menu from multiple pages to just one. They originally created a massive list of selections because they assumed this created more value. In all reality, it was overwhelming.

In many instances, less is more.

This is a big part of the philosophy behind …

Tiny Wisdom: Choose to Be Here

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“Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.”‘ -Eckhart Tolle

There is little in life that is more stressful than thinking you need be somewhere else but feeling powerless to get there.

There’s this dream I used to have over and over again. I’d want to get somewhere, but my body wouldn’t move. I’d start running, but I would essentially be jogging in place, like Wile Coyote when he was pushed off a cliff but he’d continue moving his legs while suspended in mid-air.

No matter how much energy I expelled, I was immobile; but I always …

Tiny Wisdom: Do You Recognize and Receive Love?

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“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

After I wrote yesterday’s post about giving and receiving love, I started to think about the many times in the past when I felt love-deprived.

It’s easy to feel that way when we’ve been hurt or we think we’re alone—as if there aren’t any people who are really looking out for us.

In retrospect, I realize that when I felt this way, it wasn’t that no one loved me. It was that I was too …

Tiny Wisdom: Love Heals

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“Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” -Gary Zukav

The end of last week was a little tough for me.

I was waiting to be scheduled for surgery, knowing it could fall anywhere within the next three months. I was realizing I will soon have thousands of dollars in medical and dental bills, between that, a recent mammogram to test another suspicious lump, and my eight cavity fillings.

I was worrying about disappointing my engaged sister who is expecting me to fly home soon for dress shopping, while also feeling …

Tiny Wisdom: Using the Hours We Have

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“The whole life of a man is but a point in time; let us enjoy it.” -Plutarch

There are certain motivational quotes that I find to be a double-edged sword, in that they can both motivate us and lead to guilt and pressure, depending on how we interpret them.

One such quote reads, “Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.”

To me, this quote implies using our time well means doing something …

Tiny Wisdom: Challenging the Need for Approval

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“Lean too much on other people’s approval and it becomes a bed of thorns.” -Tehyi Hsieh

“Oh no, I said something wrong.” If I had a top-10 list of defeatist thoughts that I’ve entertained most frequently over the course of my life, this would certainly make the cut.

I’ve thought this when I’ve met new people and wanted to make a good first impression.

I’ve thought this with men I’ve dated, when I felt insecure and neurotic about whether or not I seemed confident and charming enough.

I’ve thought this during job interviews; when networking with people in my field; …

Tiny Wisdom: Every Request Contains an Offer

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“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

There was a time when I met every request with two instinctively defensive thoughts: “What are you trying to take from me?” And “What’s in it for me?”

Of course I didn’t say these things out loud. I either denied the request without really considering it, or passively aggressively tried to elicit some type of reciprocal offer.

In retrospect, I don’t think I did these things because I was selfish and heartless (though I know …

Tiny Wisdom: It’s Good Enough

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“Good enough is the new perfect.” -Becky Beaupre Gillespie

Sometimes we hone in on everything we think we’re lacking or doing wrong, and wonder what we need to fix or change to measure up. Then we judge ourselves at each step of the way, questioning whether or not we’re doing everything we should.

This has been true for me, and sometimes it still is.

Whenever I feel stressed out, it’s usually because I’m worrying about something I did or have to do, convincing myself I could have done better or I won’t do enough.

It’s a mental soundtrack I know …

Tiny Wisdom: Fear Is a Challenge to Be Brave

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“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” -Nelson Mandela

Yesterday, after months of anticipation that included procuring pre-existing condition health insurance and finding the right doctor, I finally met with a physician who will soon schedule me for surgery.

Though I’ve had procedures before, this will be my first major operation.

Starting when I was 18, I got my belly button pierced on three separate occasions only to take it out shortly after each time. I loved the idea of it, but I felt a little nauseous when I thought about having …

Tiny Wisdom: Cling Less, Enjoy More

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“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

My boyfriend and I spent a couple of days in Las Vegas for Valentine’s Day. These days I get excited about the buffets and shows, but formerly, I found the city a little depressing.

First, I felt sad for the people who seemed a little lost, either for having lost vast quantities of money, or for having lost a part of themselves (something I know all too well).

Secondly, I felt the inevitable crash that follows overstimulation …

Join the Tiny Buddha Twitter Party on Feb 21st: Win Prizes and Tweet for Charity!

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Do you remember in December when I threw a Twitter party to celebrate the launch of my book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions?

No? You’re not the only one!

I didn’t spread the word very well, so I’ve decided to do it again, with the help of Karl from Party Biz Connect and my friend Mastin from The Daily Love.

This time the party will support one of my favorite charities; and to make it even more exciting, I’m going to offer the Peace and Purpose Bonus Pack (valued at more than $150) to anyone who purchases …

Tiny Wisdom: The Art of Appreciating What You Get

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“Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.” -Estonian Proverb

Recently I’ve felt frustrated because someone I asked to help me has done less than I hoped he would. At first I felt this was unfair, because I’ve been supportive of him. Then I realized I was overlooking what he did do for me while dwelling on what he didn’t.

This made me think of some research I referenced in my book (which I originally found in a book called Sway.)

In a German research study, strangers were “partnered up,” though anonymously and kept in separate …

Tiny Wisdom: What Love Isn’t

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“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” –Fred Rogers

Over the years, we form a lot of ideas about what love is, oftentimes based on unrealistic hopes and standards. We learn what we think it’s supposed to look like, and we may find ourselves frustrated when reality falls short.

It often does. Love can be messy, confusing, and imperfect, just like us, and life itself.

What Hallmark cards don’t always tell us …

Tiny Wisdom: Keep Your Head Clear

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“Keep your head clear. It doesn’t matter how bright the path is if your head is always cloudy.” -Unknown

Some days seem to start with a proverbial rain cloud dripping above our beds.

I had one of those days on Sunday. I didn’t sleep well on Friday or Saturday because I have a medical condition that sometimes wakes me in the middle of the night, so I woke up on Sunday feeling irritable and grouchy.

My boyfriend’s voice sounded like nails down a chalkboard. To be clear, I love him dearly, and I also love the sound of birds chirping. …

Tiny Wisdom: What Else Could It Be?

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“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” -John Allen Paulos

Sometimes it’s tempting to jump to conclusions that support our worst fears.

Maybe you didn’t hear back from an interviewer yet, so you assume you did something to mess it up.

Or your friend hasn’t responded to an email, so you assume there’s something on her mind that she’s not telling you.

I’ve done this many times before, in large part because I often forget that not everything is about me—that sometimes people are slow to respond because of …

Tiny Wisdom: Your Feelings Are Real and Valid

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“Feelings are real and legitimate.” -Unknown

One of the most frustrating things in the world is feeling something painful and having other people tell you that you shouldn’t be upset.

That it’s no big deal that relationship didn’t work out, or that opportunity didn’t pan out—that it’s all in your head, so you should let it go, suck it up, and move on.

A while back, a friend of mine got fired from a new job after her first day. We were out in a group when she got the call, and several of us watched her emotions slowly build …

Tiny Wisdom: Happiness Is the Way

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“There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

I am writing this from a plane, much like a post I wrote last week. I’ve come to believe some of life’s most joyful moments happen when we least expected they would.

Just now one of the flight attendants came onto the loud speaker to announce there’s someone with a birthday today. After many of us sang to a man we couldn’t see, one guy yelled “Stand up!” and another hollered, “Speech!” And then we all started giggling, somehow conveying a Boston accent without uttering a …

Tiny Wisdom: What Are You Passionate About?

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“Enthusiasm is contagious. You can start an epidemic.” –Unknown

Do you ever downplay your passions and ambitions when someone asks you about your work?

Someone asked me if I do this a while back, and at first, I said that I don’t. To know me is to know Tiny Buddha—and to hear about it often.

I’ve recognized, however, that I can be somewhat reserved in describing what I do when I first someone new—especially if I meet them in a context that does not confirm they have an interest in personal development.

Of course, this means I’m making assumptions. Just …

Tiny Wisdom: Life May Never Be Simple

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“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” -Theodore I. Rubin

There are times when things get complicated and it has nothing to do with the choices we’ve made.

Sometimes everyone around us needs us for different things, right as our work is becoming more challenging, and we’re feeling confused about what we actually want to do with our lives.

Sometimes we receive medical or psychiatric diagnoses—and possibly both at the same time—right after being laid off and losing our health insurance.

Sometimes we feel we’ve made …