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Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

Lori Deschene's Website

Tiny Wisdom: On Hard Times

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“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.” -Eckhart Tolle

Things might not happen for a reason, but we can always find a reason to move on enriched.

We can let disappointments devastate us, or we can move on in humility, finding opportunities within the hardship.

We can let frustrations consume us, or we can foster a sense of peace and balance, choosing not to live in a constant state or reaction to our circumstances.

We can let dissatisfaction gnaw away at our spirits, assuming it’s too late to create life as we want …

Book Review & Giveaway: Hand Wash Cold

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Update: The winners have already been chosen for this giveaway. They are:

  • KimCanDoIt
  • Shonda Scarborough
  • The Sunrise Project
  • Emily Meerstra

When I first saw the title of Karen Maezen Miller’s book, Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life, I wondered how many people might feel hesitant to define their lives that way.

Most of us don’t want to be ordinary. We want to be special. We want to live bold, extraordinary lives punctuated by moments of passion, excitement, and adventure.

We want to fill our days with people, things, and activities that make us feel vibrant, and …

Approaching the Site’s 1-Year Anniversary (Giveaways!)

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It’s a pretty exciting week in Tiny Buddha world. Several months back, I decided to have Tiny Buddha redesigned.

Well, we decided.  There is an amazing man named Joshua Denney who has done a lot of work on the site.

It’s through his passion, expertise, and hard work that we’ll have a completely new design at the end of this week.

One of the reasons I’m excited to launch the new site this week is that Thursday is the site’s one-year anniversary.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to do a few things:

1. Conduct a series of book giveaways …

Tiny Wisdom: On Yesterday

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“Letting go of the past means that you can you enjoy the dream that is happening right now.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz

If you’re lost in your head, rehashing or obsessing, you miss all the little things that make life feel full and satisfying.

You don’t notice the small gestures that show people love you; they seem like everyday courtesies that don’t warrant consideration. You don’t acknowledge the trees and flowers that make your space beautiful; they fade into your peripheral vision like part of the furniture.

The little things are the big things. Happiness is paying attention. Give yourself permission …

Tiny Wisdom: On Risks

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“It’s not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It’s because we dare not venture that they are difficult.” ~Seneca

Taking the path of least resistance actually requires a lot of resistance. It’s human nature to want to soar! To venture out, explore the world, expand ourselves and our minds and live with passion, enthusiasm, and abandon.

You might be doing that already, whatever that means to you. Or you may be containing yourself into a safe, predictable box, assuming everything outside it is far beyond your reach.

It’s not—it’s not nearly as far away as you think.…

Tiny Wisdom: On Appreciation

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“Appreciation is an excellent thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us, as well.” -Voltaire

There’s work to do. And things to accomplish. And places to get to. And people to please.

There’s futures to create. And pasts to forget. And an endless string of days full of hours to be filled. We often spend then running, fantasizing, or waiting, hoping it eventually turns into something good enough. Something worth valuing, something worth appreciating, something worth enjoying.

If we’re not deliberate, we can easily live life hopping from distraction to distraction, biding our time for something better. …

Tiny Wisdom: On Understanding

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“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

Sometimes resentment and anger may seem involuntary, like reactions you have to indulge for a length of time proportionate to how badly you were wronged. It might even feel like your anger is a justified retaliation, and you’d be weak if you let it go.

The irony is that after we’ve been hurt, we choose to continue hurting ourselves. Bitterness never feels good, no matter where it’s rooted.

Psychologists suggest that when other people make mistakes, we tend to assign them character flaws (i.e.: he’s selfish, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Choices

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“We must never forget that it is through our actions, words, and thoughts that we have a choice.” -Sogyal Rinpoche

Nothing is as discouraging as feeling you don’t have a choice—that you’re trapped in a situation you can’t change, with a person who won’t change, or with feelings about yourself that you’ve stopped believing you can change.

We’ve all been there before.

We’ve accepted thankless jobs just to make ends meet. We’ve hurt or watched friends hurting, feeling powerless to end the pain. We’ve waited for love, or mourned unrequited love, or wondered if it was really better to …

7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty So You Can Be Happier and Less Anxious

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“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

In three weeks, my boyfriend and I might move from the Bay area to LA, or we might move in here with roommates if he decides not pursue a film career.

I am starting a new work-from-home writing gig to pay my bills while I write my book. It might be something I can do in under two days a week, or it may require more time. It may provide enough money, or I might need to get some …

4 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned from Running Tiny Buddha

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“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.” ~Rumi

I have been working on Tiny Buddha for over two years, and yet I’ve rarely written about my experiences running it.

I haven’t told you anything about my own challenges, opportunities, and lessons in maintaining the site, and it occurred to me today that that might be valuable information.

You probably have a Tiny Buddha in your own life—something you created that you’re absolutely in love with. Or maybe you haven’t found it yet, but you want to build something that drives you like nothing …

Tiny Wisdom: On What Matters

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“What matters is the value we’ve created in our lives, the people we’ve made happy and how much we’ve grown as people.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

We spend so much of our lives looking for meaning—a sense that it all makes sense or will in the end—that we sometimes drive ourselves crazy trying to make the moment good enough. To do the right work, have the right relationships, make the right decisions, make the right impact so hopefully our lives will matter. We’ll matter.

All that struggling, striving, and racing toward something better can make the moment feel like something to escape …

25 Questions to Help Solve Problems That Seem Insurmountable

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“No problem is insurmountable. With a little courage, teamwork, and determination, a person can do anything.” ~Unknown

Some problems seem far too overwhelming to solve. When you’re buried in debt or trying to bounce back from a huge error in judgment, it can feel like there’s no way out.

I remember when I first learned about my fibroids last year. Since I didn’t have health insurance at the time, I feared I wouldn’t be able to afford treatment, and I was tempted to beat myself up for allowing myself to be uninsured.

On top of that, I worried about my …

Mindfulness in Everyday Tasks: How to Get the Most from Your Chores

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“Smile, breathe and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Last night I did something I rarely do. Drum roll please…

…last night I cooked.

Okay, to be fair, I more prepped than cooked. But my willingness to participate in this domestic ritual, with my boyfriend at the helm, was certainly not the norm. Neurotic as I may be with organizing and cleaning, cooking has never been my thing.

For starters, I’m cheap with food. I’d rather spend money on books and pedicures than saffron and truffles. I realize I could channel my inner Rachael Ray and learn to make budget-friendly meals, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Love

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“Love is loving things that sometimes you don’t like.” ~Ajahn Brahm

The most challenging part of relationships is learning to accept people for who they are—knowing all their quirks, insecurities, and weaknesses and choosing to simply let them be.

Psychologists suggest that once we form an idea, we develop an emotional attachment that makes it extremely difficult to abandon it. We feel convinced that our way is the right way and feel an imperative to sway other people accordingly, particularly people who are close to us.

The irony is that this tends to push people further away. It’s hard to …

How to Have More Fun in Life: Keep Your Thoughts from Pulling You Down

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“If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” ~Bob Basso

A couple weeks back, my boyfriend and I went to our local county fair. I love—love—fairs.

Forget for a minute that adult-me now gets vertigo just looking at a roller coaster; and that my thirty-year-old digestive track nearly explodes when I catch a whiff of carnie food. When you factor in my increasing interest in crafts and farm animals, it somewhat evens out.

If you’re the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, thrill-seeker type, that might sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But I really do love petting furry little creatures …

How to Let Go of a Past Relationship: 10 Steps to Move On Peacefully

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“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I’d spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The …

8 Ways to Be More Confident: Live the Life of Your Dreams

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“With realization of one’s own potential & self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” ~Dalai Lama

For the vast majority of my life I didn’t believe I could do most of the things I wanted to do.

I knew I wanted to be in a relationship, but I feared that if I got into one I’d do something to mess it up.

I wanted to perform on Broadway, but even moving to New York City didn’t give me the courage to audition.

I wanted to be a writer, but I thought it was far too difficult …

9 Ways to Get Better Sleep and Prevent Exhaustion

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“A good rest is half the work.” ~Proverb

I don’t always do everything I know I should do.

I know I can only do so much, yet I often feel compelled to say yes to every exciting project that comes my way, even if it means working more than is ideal.

I know I shouldn’t over-stimulate my mind at night, yet I frequently postpone shut-eye for just a little more writing time.

I know I shouldn’t worry about things I can’t control, but sometimes as I lay in bed I go over and over the same thoughts and concerns …

Tiny Wisdom: On Starting Anew

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“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” ~Buddha

One of the greatest misconceptions in life is that we are somehow powerless to let go of what’s behind us. That we have to carry regret, shame, or disappointment, and that is has to dictate how today will unfold, at least on some level.

It doesn’t. At any moment, you can let go of who you’ve been and decide to be someone new—to do something differently. It won’t always be easy, but it is always a choice you can make.

You can either dwell and stay stuck, or …

Book Review & Giveaway: You Cannot Be Serious (Tips for Balance)

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Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen:

  • Laurie from Cuddle Hugs
  • Cyndi from So Much More Than a Mom

I have the utmost respect for mothers.

Their daily lives require an aptitude for all the qualities that make us good people: love, kindness, patience, generosity, and, perhaps most importantly, a sense of balance. If anyone knows chaos, it’s a mom.

With this in mind, I was thrilled to read Elizabeth Lyons’ book You Cannot Be Serious and 32 Other Rules That Sustain a (Mostly) Balanced Mom.

Make no mistake: I don’t have any children. Or friends …