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7 Steps to Deconstruct Your Anger So It No Longer Controls You

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~Buddha

For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with anger.

My earliest memories of my anger are from junior high school, but it was around much earlier than that.

The only emotion that was ever shown in my house growing up was anger. My dad had an anger problem, and my mother showed no emotion at all. This is what emotional normal looked like to me—either nothing or anger.

I was the …

Why It’s Hard to Hold a Boundary and How to Make It Easier

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The only real conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself.”  ~Shannon Adler

I sat in my chemistry class during my junior year of high school staring at the periodic table and wondering if I was going to make it through. Bored and lost, I struggled to find value in the class or make sense of why I was there. It felt purposeless.

Until I met Kevin.

Kevin sat a few seats away from me and was a senior. I knew of him, but I had never really noticed or paid attention to …

How I Created My Own Roadmap for Happiness When I Was Feeling Lost in Life

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“Doing what you like is freedom, liking what you do is happiness.” ~Frank Tyger

Life is a web of uncertainty, where we often believe we are on the right path, only to realize we’ve been wandering down the wrong road all along. Ever been there? Thinking you have your whole life planned out? Deciding to go after the things that you think will make you happy, only to end up disappointed on the other side? If so, I completely understand how you feel.

There’s no definitive map leading to a happy or fulfilled life. There is no right or wrong …

How I’m Learning to Feel Confident Without Approval

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Children need to feel seen. Adults do, too.” ~Unknown

As a teenager, I played the flute for about nine years. I never practiced—apart from that guilt-ridden last half hour prior to my weekly lessons. It was important for my parents that their children learned a musical instrument, and so I was given the flute, while my brother played the clarinet (bizarrely, because our grandmother had wanted someone to play Mozart’s clarinet concerto at her funeral).

Truth be told, I think my brother would have much rather learned the guitar, while I was very envious of his clarinet (he got around …

Why I Give Without Expectations (and Don’t Think It’s a “Toxic Trait”)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Some of the kindest souls I know have lived in a world that was not so kind to them. Some of the best human beings I know have been through so much at the hands of others, and they still love deeply, they still care. Sometimes, it’s the people who have been hurt the most who refuse to be hardened in this world, because they would never want to make another person feel the same way they have felt. If that isn’t something to be in awe of, I don’t know what is.” ~Bianca Sparacino  

I recently came across a …

A Little-Known Truth About People-Pleasing and How to Stop (for Good)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Being a people-pleaser may be more than a personality trait; it could be a response to serious trauma.” ~Alex Bachert

Growing up in a home, school, and church that placed a lot of value on good behavior, self-discipline, and corporal punishment, I was a model child. There could have been an American Girl doll designed after me—the well-mannered church girl with a nineties hairbow edition.

I was quiet and pleasant and never got sent to the principal’s office. Complaining and “ugly” emotions were simply not allowed. Though I was very rambunctious and “rebellious” as a toddler, all of that was …

Dysfunctional Family Survivors: 7 Myths that Hold Your Healing Hostage

By in Blog, love & relationships

“I have never known a patient to portray their parents more negatively than they actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively–because idealization of their parents was essential for their survival.” Alice Miller, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society’s Betrayal of the Child

If we’re born into dysfunctional families and, by some miracle, manage to recognize there’s something really wrong there, we can end up devoting a huge portion of our time on Earth (if not all of it) to piecemealing a life not defined by the despair and pain we felt as children.

…

How a Barbell Helped Me Confront the Harsh Voice Inside my Head

By in Blog

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

I’m breathing fast; my heart rate is off the scale. I close my eyes and try to fill my lungs with air. My pulse starts slowing down.

Still forty seconds of rest left, my timekeeper shows. A single drop of sweat is running down my back, tickling me. I open my eyes again and drink a sip of lukewarm water, then I get ready for the next series.

Six down, four to go. This is a good day, I

…

The Friend I Couldn’t Fix: A Story of Love, Loss and Letting Go

By in Blog, love & relationships

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of domestic violence and may be triggering to some.

“You can’t heal the people you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can’t rescue them.” ~Unknown

Every story starts at the beginning. But how far back should I go? Birth?

I was born at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Camden, New Jersey, in May of 1972…just after three in the morning.

No, wait. That’s not morning. It’s still dark outside.

Forgive me. That’s an inside joke.

You see, just a few years ago a friend of thirty years came to …

3 Reasons Why Putting Yourself First Is Not Selfish

By in Blog

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” ~Mandy Hale

I have to start off with how I define the different levels of self-care.

There is what I call surface-level self-care. This would be things like getting your nails done and taking a bubble bath. Very important stuff but not the type of self-care that’s going to help you make the changes on the inside that create change in your outside world.

Then we have deep-level self-care. I define this as working on things like setting …

How to Move Through Your Fear by Retraining Your Brain

By in Blog

When you’re in fight-or-flight mode, everything you do or don’t do teaches the brain something about the perceived threat. When you avoid or flee the situation, your brain experiences a wave of relief. The amygdala learns that avoiding that situation is how you stay safe from that threat.

This is exactly how you want the brain to respond if the threat is a grizzly bear. But what if the perceived threat is something less biologically adaptive, like a worry about being judged or teased?

Let’s say you’re invited to a party full of new people, and you have thoughts of …

Coming out of Survival Mode: How I Healed and Found Peace

By in Blog

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” ~Audre Lorde

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I realized that I no longer needed to fight for my survival, but I do know that it came after several years of prayer, healing, and intensive work. It wasn’t an event, but rather the feeling of peace and calm that comes after a storm.

For me, the storm dissipated slowly. It was the kind of storm that kept swirling and re-emerging until I finally realized that it would take concentrated …

Living Today Like Your Last: The Quest for Conscious Behavior

By in Blog

“Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered.”

Once again, Dr. Seuss reminds us of the finite nature of life with a powerful punch in the face.

If I’m being honest, only about a third of my week am I kicking ass. And that doesn’t factor in the weeks when I feel like I’m as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

On days like this morning, when I’m doing dishes and get pissed off that my wife left a tea bag in her mug, again, it has clearly slipped my mind …

Why I Didn’t Love Myself (and All the Suggestions That Didn’t Help)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay

There is a lot of hype around self-love these days. The media and marketing world often bombard us with messages insinuating that the key to self-love lies in consumerism. For a long time, I bought into this idea.

I would see an advertisement urging me to treat myself to a high-end face cream for a dose of self-care. Or a promotional email landing in my inbox might suggest that a calming lavender bubble bath was just what I needed …

How This Dog Person Learned to Embrace Her Inner Cat

By in Blog

“It takes nothing away from a human to be kind to an animal.” ~Joaquin Phoenix

Earlier this year, I went to Egypt with a small group of friends.

“Egypt will activate something ancient in you,” I was told by one of them. “You have to go.”

Egypt wasn’t exactly on my bucket list, but in the span of one year, three different people had told me I needed to visit the country, so when the opportunity presented itself, I did.

The trip was organized by one of my favorite mystics, who thoughtfully designed it around the individual healing needs of …

How I Calm My Anxiety Octopus at Home with My Aquaponics Zen Zone

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Stay in the moment. The practice of staying present will heal you. Obsessing about how the future will turn out creates anxiety. Replaying broken scenarios from the past causes anger and sadness. Stay here, in this moment.” ~Sylvester McNutt

Like many people, I have an anxiety disorder that twists my thoughts and feelings. I call it my “anxiety octopus,” as it feels like there are tentacles in my brain triggering fear-based reactions for no reason. In everything, even things that I am confident in, I suddenly feel insecure and unsure.

It takes time to realize that the “anxiety octopus” has …

How I Stopped Feeling Like There Was Something Wrong with Me

By in Blog

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” – Zen Shin

In the past, I often felt like I didn’t belong in groups of women.

Sometimes I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was othered in one way or another: too sporty, too quiet, too serious, too emotional, too dumb, too smart, too wild, too normal, too sexual, too prude.

Other times, I felt like something was wrong with all of them. Girls’ nights and bachelorette parties? The screeching voices, the loud laughs, the mundane conversations about makeup, …

[Free Event] Collective Trauma Summit: Creating a Global Healing Movement

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

Hi friends! As someone who’s passionate about growth and healing, I’m pleased to share that the FREE Collective Trauma Summit: Creating a Global Healing Movement is starting soon. Each year, over 100,000 people worldwide gather online to explore innovative ways to address current global traumas and unhealed cultural wounds.

From September 26 to October 4, the summit will feature 60+ expert sessions, panel discussions, live events, poetry readings, music, movement sessions, guided meditations, and more.

The summit features a powerful lineup of leading experts, practitioners, and thought leaders from diverse backgrounds, including psychologists, neuroscientists, human rights and social justice activists, …

Meditation Simplified: How to Find Calm in Our Chaotic World

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I completed my meditation teacher training in 2022 and continue to practice two to three times each day.

I was initially skeptical of what this practice could possibly offer me. But, as someone who had been riddled with daily anxiety, periodic bouts of depression, and an exhausting inability to maintain focus that left me depleted energetically, I was keen to learn more and discover for myself …

How to Clear the Emotional Clutter That Weighs You Down

By in Blog, letting go

“Declutter your mind, your heart, your home. Let go of the heaviness that is weighing you down.” ~Maria Defillo

I remember perusing through a used bookstore in a small New England town as a teenager. A book caught my eye—maybe because its spine was a MacIntosh apple red—and I slid it off the shelf. It was titled Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston.

Back at home in my apartment in Boston, I devoured it. That book shifted the trajectory of my life. Fast-forward seventeen years later and living clutter-free is not only my lifestyle, it’s my calling …