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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 2,551 through 2,565 (of 4,181 total)
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  • in reply to: Taking a break #434818
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Clara:

    May your emotions (and mine) no longer cloud our logic.

    anita

    in reply to: Taking a break #434816
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Clara:

    How to deal with the emotions when I take care of her needs (such as now when she needs space which conflicts with what I want); and how to be mindful of her needs when she takes care of me“- always respect a person’s stated need to have a break from you. Do not try to negotiate with a person who wants a break from you.

    Wait to the end of the break. That’s what was agreed on.

    anita

     

    in reply to: Taking a break #434814
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Clara:

    You are welcome. “No doubt I have grown a lot throughout the years… No doubt I have my resilience, been in even tougher situations“- and indeed, you have what it takes to deal well with the current situation.

    Then I remember what Anita said: I needed to think in her shoes… Last night, I decided to hide all her IG stories and also log out of the app“- think about how it is to be in her own shoes, but operate from the position of your own shoes: fair to her and fair to you, not one at the expense of the other.

    anita

    in reply to: Stolen #434810
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Laven?

    anita

    in reply to: Taking a break #434797
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Clara:

    I thought I’ll dig out some encouraging words for you (I am adding the boldface feature):

    Feb 24, 2017, Clara: “Hi Anita and all Hope all is well! I am back from my two months backpacking trip and thanks for the advice last time, it was very useful to me especially when you said the moment that I stay misery is a life lost, and I totally agree to it. I was expecting my 3 days local tour in Bolivia when I left a message to you, and it turned out that my tour was the best tour in my own trip, I have met some very good tour-mates and it’s an amazing. Good that I didn’t give up“-

    – And I say: Say No to Unnecessary Misery: don’t indulge in it yourself, there’s no benefit to it. And don’t inflict it on another. Both. This is my policy for myself!

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    Good to read from you this not yet- hot morning!

    It got soo hot here this summer.. I’m struggling to get anything done during the day“- same here, hot and lots of insects thriving in the heat, so I am thoroughly bitten. Had Covid for a week or so, that didn’t help. Getting better now.

    Congratulations for planning and implementing a routine for your stay in Romania (workouts, meditations, applying for jobs in Warsaw, about 50 so far)!

    My routine proved to be beneficial. I kept my eyes on the prize – to go back to Warsaw, having a job to go to… I feel more confident and driven – I know better where I’m heading“- a Routine and a Purpose, a Goal, something to look forward to!

    I’ve been here for a little more than 2 weeks now… My mother was away for a week… My mother is a little harder to handle but things are okay, there are no conflicts“- you spent only one week with your mother so far. Avoid/ prevent conflicts with her because once there’s conflict, she’s likely to escalate it before you know it..(?)

    So let’s see! I applied for a lot of stuff. Some of it will surely knock on my door. My door is wide open“- I am looking forward to read good news about you getting a job and moving to Warsaw. In the meantime, take good care of yourself!

    anita

    in reply to: Taking a break #434779
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Clara, and I hope to read from you again about .. anything you want to share here.

    anita

    in reply to: Looking backwards #434774
    anita
    Participant

    Dear gresshoppe:

    You are welcome!

    Being with someone was all I knew. I would like to teach myself how to be okay without needing to be attached to someone….  healthy relationships that aren’t necessarily romantic. Does this make sense?“-

    – yes, it makes sense to me: to have a healthy relationship with someone very special: you! It means to be at peace with being who you are, resting in a peace of mind. Does this make sense to you, as being what you need?

    anita

    in reply to: Looking backwards #434772
    anita
    Participant

    Dear gresshoppe:

    Congrats for having had the talk with him two days ago!

    I have decided to try to be still for a while. I’m not sure why that has been difficult for me, but I wonder if I can grow into it?“- can you elaborate on your difficulties with being still?

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arden:

    Thank you for wising me well, and you are welcome! I feel tired, exhausted, also because it’s so hot outside!

    “Lately I feel like I have outgrown my friends a lot“- reads like it to me.

    I feel like my bubble has grown a bit and got thickened (?)“- I think so.

    I hope that this is not the bad kind of ego talking here“- no, I think you need mature friends, on your level.

    … I am lucky to write here and get responses from you as well, wanted to express that gratitude, not because it’s good to express, but because it’s really a lucky thing to have. Honestly.“-thank you, Arden. I feel myself smiling, and I think this is the first time I am smiling this Sunday, early afternoon!

    anita

    in reply to: Taking a break #434768
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Clara:

    You are welcome!

    I do not feel empathized or understood well.  I think I need someone who is more… sensitive to feelings/ emotions… She does have some friends whom she talks about their problems, but I think they are talking like what typically men do…They are all in the head, and everything is compartmentalized and doesn’t go into the heart… Part of me know I really want to end this, part of me I really want to know what she would say at the end and honour the promise

    – I believe that you should indeed honor the promise and not contact her for the rest of the planned break. Being compartmentalized, I guess she is thinking way less about it all than you do. It’d be nice if you move a bit in her way of thinking/ feeling, and she’d move toward your way: more sensitivity and empathy for you. And the two of you meet in the middle and make it work.

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Another double posting, lol: You are welcome, Seaturtle!

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle: You submitted a post 2 minutes before you submitted yours. I am tired, exhausted, thank you for asking.

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    I have this new fear that came along with the positive growth, and it is that I will lose myself in a relationship again… Relationships create a barrier between me and my intuition.. I wonder why this is…? Anita, I’d also love your thoughts on this!“-

    – my thoughts: a romantic relationship re-opens your Unseen Wound, a wound created in childhood, and when that happens, the blood seeping from the re-opened wound floods you emotionally and drowns your intuition.

    “I wonder… if it is possible to get my intuition to always be at my forefront?“- my thoughts: yes, by healing your Unseen Wound- a long-term project.

    You can prepare yourself for your next relationship by doing an exercise that starts with listing all the specific behaviors by N that made your Unseen Wound bleed, and for each behavior, figure out if it is it reasonable and fair to expect your future partner to never do this or that behavior. If this beginning of an exercise makes sense to you, let me know and we can develop it further.

    anita

    in reply to: Is this a temporary ebb in friendship ? #434742
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Carol:

    You are very welcome!

    (I am adding the boldface and italic features): “In February, when I saw her after 6 weeks, I told her that I was scared that everyone would stop prioritizing our friendship once they entered in a relationship… At the time, she assured me that she highly valued friendship and that platonic relationships were equally as important as romantic ones to her... It makes me wonder if that should make me reconsider sending her a text, as I somehow expressed how I felt in February, even if it was in a subtle hint?.. I feel very anxious and I am reminded of the fact that I somewhat shared my feelings with her in February, even though it was in an indirect way“-

    – her reaction back in Feb was not subtle or indirect. It was obvious and direct. She told you in no uncertain terms what proved to be untrue since Feb. Her reaction tells me that although you feel that you were subtle and indirect, she clearly understood what you were saying back then.

    I am currently in a good mood because I am going to a few events in the following days with my new friends. So in a way, I am scared that sending this text will send me back in a dark place“- new events with new friends is the way to go, seems to me, leaving the past in the past.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 2,551 through 2,565 (of 4,181 total)
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