Dear Clara:

May your emotions (and mine) no longer cloud our logic.

anita

Dear Clara:

You are welcome. “No doubt I have grown a lot throughout the years… No doubt I have my resilience, been in even tougher situations“- and indeed, you have what it takes to deal well with the current situation.

“Then I remember what Anita said: I needed to think in her shoes… Last night, I decided to hide all her IG stories and also log out of the app“- think about how it is to be in her own shoes, but operate from the position of your own shoes: fair to her and fair to you, not one at the expense of the other.

anita

Dear Clara:

I thought I’ll dig out some encouraging words for you (I am adding the boldface feature):

Feb 24, 2017, Clara: “Hi Anita and all Hope all is well! I am back from my two months backpacking trip and thanks for the advice last time, it was very useful to me especially when you said the moment that I stay misery is a life lost, and I totally agree to it. I was expecting my 3 days local tour in Bolivia when I left a message to you, and it turned out that my tour was the best tour in my own trip, I have met some very good tour-mates and it’s an amazing. Good that I didn’t give up“-

– And I say: Say No to Unnecessary Misery: don’t indulge in it yourself, there’s no benefit to it. And don’t inflict it on another. Both. This is my policy for myself!

anita

You are welcome, Clara, and I hope to read from you again about .. anything you want to share here.

anita

Dear gresshoppe:

Congrats for having had the talk with him two days ago!

“I have decided to try to be still for a while. I’m not sure why that has been difficult for me, but I wonder if I can grow into it?“- can you elaborate on your difficulties with being still?

anita

Dear Clara:

You are welcome!

“I do not feel empathized or understood well.  I think I need someone who is more… sensitive to feelings/ emotions… She does have some friends whom she talks about their problems, but I think they are talking like what typically men do…They are all in the head, and everything is compartmentalized and doesn’t go into the heart… Part of me know I really want to end this, part of me I really want to know what she would say at the end and honour the promise”

– I believe that you should indeed honor the promise and not contact her for the rest of the planned break. Being compartmentalized, I guess she is thinking way less about it all than you do. It’d be nice if you move a bit in her way of thinking/ feeling, and she’d move toward your way: more sensitivity and empathy for you. And the two of you meet in the middle and make it work.

anita

Dear Seaturtle: You submitted a post 2 minutes before you submitted yours. I am tired, exhausted, thank you for asking.

anita

Dear Carol:

You are very welcome!

(I am adding the boldface and italic features): “In February, when I saw her after 6 weeks, I told her that I was scared that everyone would stop prioritizing our friendship once they entered in a relationship… At the time, she assured me that she highly valued friendship and that platonic relationships were equally as important as romantic ones to her... It makes me wonder if that should make me reconsider sending her a text, as I somehow expressed how I felt in February, even if it was in a subtle hint?.. I feel very anxious and I am reminded of the fact that I somewhat shared my feelings with her in February, even though it was in an indirect way“-

– her reaction back in Feb was not subtle or indirect. It was obvious and direct. She told you in no uncertain terms what proved to be untrue since Feb. Her reaction tells me that although you feel that you were subtle and indirect, she clearly understood what you were saying back then.

“I am currently in a good mood because I am going to a few events in the following days with my new friends. So in a way, I am scared that sending this text will send me back in a dark place“- new events with new friends is the way to go, seems to me, leaving the past in the past.

anita