Hi Nichole,

You’re not required to share your coworker’s religious beliefs just as he’s not required to share yours. We’re all different, believe different things. His ego needs to be right and doesn’t want to accommodate any religious beliefs that are different from his own, but your ego is similar. You’re finding yourself upset, disgusted, and enraged because of your intolerance to his beliefs. Your ego wants to make him an enemy.

Don’t make him an enemy. Don’t fall into the trap of having to make yourself right and him wrong. Just accept that we all believe what we believe.

This happens with political beliefs too, the desire to make those on the other side of the aisle our enemies.

For this reason, religion and politics are topics many people choose not to discuss.

B

Hi mute,

The involuntary and repetitive voices in our heads are conditioned by our difficult pasts. We all have these voices but for many of us they are more negative and persistent. We’re at the mercy of them until we make the decision to not be. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking there’s something wrong with you. The instant you become aware of what’s happening in your mind is also the instant that the voices lose some of their power over you.

Once you become aware of what’s happening inside your head, you’re starting to break free.

I recommend reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. This book helped me break free.

B

Hi honey,

When the information we share with another person is upsetting to that person, he/she may resent us for it and not want to be around us anymore. When that happens, it’s important to respect that person’s boundaries no matter how heartbreaking it is for us.

Do the right thing and don’t send the letter.

B

Hi aetharyn,

We all make mistakes and I think everyone deserves another chance. Am I thinking bad?

No, you are right, we all make mistakes but I don’t believe that what’s happening here are “mistakes”. I think this guy has a serious character flaw that will prevent him from having an honest and healthy relationship with anyone. I believe that your low self-esteem coupled with your strong desire to have a “happy ending” with this man are distorting your  perception of this situation.

I also understand how difficult it would be for you to end a relationship that you’ve invested a whole year into and that you believe is headed toward marriage.

If you had a younger sister whom you love very much who was in your situation, what advice would you give to her?

B

Hi samuel,

The answers you’ve received are all so good, and may I just say that whenever I read from Peter I walk away inspired. “Letting go” is about accepting and observing each thought instead of resisting or identifying with it. If your thoughts consist of problems that you are resisting or identifying with then you will suffer.

For example, say you’ve had a falling out with a close friend because she made a terribly hurtful comment to you, and every time you think about it you relive the suffering of this experience. You may think that one solution to this problem would be to not think about her making the comment to you (resist the thought), but this rarely works because we can’t control our thoughts, so an alternative is to accept that you’re having the thought but choose to not relive the suffering. This can be accomplished by envisioning her making the same hurtful comment to a random person instead of you. In other words, become an objective observer of the situation happening to someone else, like watching two people interacting in a movie. You may feel angry, sad, and sympathetic but there’s some space now between you and the situation meaning less personal suffering for you, right? By observing the situation from this detached perspective you still feel feelings but experience less suffering. Now go ahead and insert yourself back into the situation, and take a deep breath. Objectively observe the situation happening to you just like you did earlier to the random person. How do you feel now? You see and hear the hurtful comment being made to you, and you fully accept that this thought is now in your head and you choose not to resist it, but this time do you identify with the thought a little less than before? Do you feel a little less angry, sad, and hurt? If so, you now have an awareness that you have the ability to observe yourself from a detached perspective and still feel feelings but experience less suffering. Over time the hurt/suffering from the situation may become less and less until it disappears altogether. It doesn’t happen instantaneously; it happens over time. To me, this is “letting go”.

As Peter says, “Letting go is not a state of indifference or forgetting…Its a process of growth as we bravely observe the experience…”

B

Hi JoJo,

How are you making sure everyone is aware that this problem can occur?

I told them about your first post so that when they’re purchasing a new swimsuit they’ll be aware that this can occur. I learn a lot on this website and frequently share those things with them. Anyway, like me, they view this as more funny than serious, and thankfully we all have dark or colorful swimsuits. 🙂

I predict that as time goes by this situation will become less significant for you. Do you think so too?

B

Hi Peggy,

Thanks for the clarification, and I agree with you that what occurred is indeed very odd.

B