Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
BrandyParticipantThanks, KayCee, I am well. Hope you are too!
B 🙂
February 15, 2021 at 12:02 pm in reply to: A date with a coworker felt like a bright spot in 2020 (and maybe it was)? #374700BrandyParticipantHi Ryan,
You’re welcome, and I agree that TB is a great place to get advice.
I really like what you posted above about loneliness; rings so true to me. You’ve been lonely for a very long time and your coworker represented a way out from all this loneliness. You’re stuck at home tele-working in an isolated area during a pandemic and you crave social interactions, just like anyone would.
I need to refocus on finding another job out of this isolated area…
Exactly, Ryan. Keep at it. I hope you’re able to find a new job and relocate soon. Hang in there.
B
February 8, 2021 at 7:02 pm in reply to: A date with a coworker felt like a bright spot in 2020 (and maybe it was)? #374352BrandyParticipantThat’s great news from the doctor, Ryan! Thanks for the update.
B
February 5, 2021 at 8:42 pm in reply to: A date with a coworker felt like a bright spot in 2020 (and maybe it was)? #374179BrandyParticipantHi Ryan,
You’re welcome, and yes, she may be using alcohol/drugs to help her manage the stress, which isn’t the healthiest option. I hope her test results bring some good news.
B
February 5, 2021 at 1:50 pm in reply to: A date with a coworker felt like a bright spot in 2020 (and maybe it was)? #374116BrandyParticipantHi Ryan,
I’m so glad the evening went well and that you are comfortable with the way things are.
While a part of me wants “concrete,” a piece of me takes comfort in the fluidity of our relationship.
Ryan, I have three very close long-term friendships and none of them started off as “concrete” but slowly became that way over a long period of time (many years). You’ve known her for a relatively short time (3 or 4 mos, I think?), so “concrete” at this point may create unnecessary pressure on you both. I like that there’s a part of you that is just fine with the uncertainty of what’s to come.
B
February 4, 2021 at 10:04 am in reply to: A date with a coworker felt like a bright spot in 2020 (and maybe it was)? #374036BrandyParticipantHi Ryan,
Sounds good. You’ve really thought it through and I believe you know what’s best. I hope you two have a beautiful evening and that she leaves your place thinking That was a perfect night, just what I needed.
Good luck, Ryan!
B
February 3, 2021 at 2:59 pm in reply to: A date with a coworker felt like a bright spot in 2020 (and maybe it was)? #374001BrandyParticipantHi Ryan,
I don’t want to interrupt the communication between you and Anita so I’ll be quick. Why not decide to postpone the questions you have and instead focus on simply having a fantastic dinner with her? Take a break from the difficult emotions and just relax, have some fun together?
You’ve already expressed in your email to her that “maybe, in time, we can develop something deeper and more meaningful, as friends” and then added “You need not reply. I’ll be here if you’d like to spend time together”, but you’re curious to know where she stands. Ryan, your email to her was excellent; let it stand on it’s own! Give her some time to process it all.
You told her “I have tried to be the least stressful piece of your life…”. With the recent devastating news she’s received about her ex, now’s the time to be the friend she may need you to be. No need to define it. Just do it.
I hope you have a nice dinner tomorrow, Ryan! 🙂
B
BrandyParticipantHi Steve,
Tracy has multiple DUI’s, yet continues to drink and drive.
This demonstrates to me that Tracy does not have good judgement. This is all I’d need to know. She may be a wonderful person with a huge heart but there’s no way in hell my son is going to be left alone under her supervision.
…the evening never fails to devolve into a drunken shouting contest of obscenities and inappropriate conduct.
Get a babysitter and leave your son at home. Don’t try to justify exposing a young kid to that. Trust your good instincts.
B
BrandyParticipantHi Nichole,
You’re not required to share your coworker’s religious beliefs just as he’s not required to share yours. We’re all different, believe different things. His ego needs to be right and doesn’t want to accommodate any religious beliefs that are different from his own, but your ego is similar. You’re finding yourself upset, disgusted, and enraged because of your intolerance to his beliefs. Your ego wants to make him an enemy.
Don’t make him an enemy. Don’t fall into the trap of having to make yourself right and him wrong. Just accept that we all believe what we believe.
This happens with political beliefs too, the desire to make those on the other side of the aisle our enemies.
For this reason, religion and politics are topics many people choose not to discuss.
B
December 31, 2020 at 9:42 pm in reply to: How would you handle this situation with a long time platonic friend? #372017BrandyParticipantHi Timepassages2070,
When a woman whose marriage is rocky finds herself emotionally attached to an attractive man with marriage troubles of his own, it’s only a matter of time before her unfulfilled expectations become major disappointments. This is why she wants a break.
B
BrandyParticipantHi mute,
The involuntary and repetitive voices in our heads are conditioned by our difficult pasts. We all have these voices but for many of us they are more negative and persistent. We’re at the mercy of them until we make the decision to not be. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking there’s something wrong with you. The instant you become aware of what’s happening in your mind is also the instant that the voices lose some of their power over you.
Once you become aware of what’s happening inside your head, you’re starting to break free.
I recommend reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. This book helped me break free.
B
December 17, 2020 at 6:57 pm in reply to: Wife wants separation and doesn’t feel sad about it. #371288BrandyParticipantHi Rob,
I don’t know how to overcome this grief.
Through the tough days ahead try to have faith that your pain will eventually lead to healing and peace.
When I realize that my thoughts and feelings are creating distress in me I take a “time out” and focus on my breathing. I close my eyes and concentrate on each breath, visualizing the air entering my lungs and then exiting. When distracted by an unpleasant thought during this exercise I don’t fight the thought; I let the thought come, relax my shoulders, and then get back to focusing on each breath. Our minds are constantly scanning for thoughts to attach themselves to (often negative ones) so by concentrating on each breath we’re giving our minds little breaks from the negativity and grief, and what a relief it is to have little breaks. Sometimes it takes many breaths and several minutes to feel a little calmer, better.
Rob, this exercise may be difficult at first but if you stick with it in time you may realize that no matter where you are and what you’re doing, when you’re feeling badly you have the ability to help yourself feel a little bit better. Knowing this makes me feel empowered and brings me some peace.
One day at a time, Rob. 🙂
B
BrandyParticipantHi honey,
When the information we share with another person is upsetting to that person, he/she may resent us for it and not want to be around us anymore. When that happens, it’s important to respect that person’s boundaries no matter how heartbreaking it is for us.
Do the right thing and don’t send the letter.
B
BrandyParticipantHi KayCee – How are you doing? -B
BrandyParticipantHi aetharyn,
We all make mistakes and I think everyone deserves another chance. Am I thinking bad?
No, you are right, we all make mistakes but I don’t believe that what’s happening here are “mistakes”. I think this guy has a serious character flaw that will prevent him from having an honest and healthy relationship with anyone. I believe that your low self-esteem coupled with your strong desire to have a “happy ending” with this man are distorting your perception of this situation.
I also understand how difficult it would be for you to end a relationship that you’ve invested a whole year into and that you believe is headed toward marriage.
If you had a younger sister whom you love very much who was in your situation, what advice would you give to her?
B
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.