K,

So you two are already in this phase of romance and being intimate.  Have you talked with him about exclusivity?  Why can’t you two talk about this impending New Zealander’s visit instead hearing it through the mutual friend?

Start from there.

Mark

Wow srk!

Quite impressive on all the positive steps you have taken!  I really admire you for turning your life into something more healthy.  You are a great example!   Thanks for sharing your progress.

Mark

Yes I have done EFT.  There are many YouTubes on this technique.  It is an easy and effective way of healing and dealing with difficult  things.

I recommend it.  Having a trained practitioner has helped me a lot too but the beauty of this technique is that you can easily do it on your own.

Mark

Louisalou,

Counseling, acupuncture are good options as well.

Mark

Jennifer,

So your ex lives nearby?  Have you tried getting a restraining order?  Asked the abused women’s hotline on what other steps to protect yourself?

I take it you have blocked him on social media?  off social media?  changed your phone number?

Take care!

Mark

Trixie,

The definition of insanity is that if you do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.

So even though Tom does not like having a 3rd party in the relationship to do counseling, does he know that there will be no relationship if he does not concede to that?

Plus I am cautioning you about Harry since the beginning of the relationship of him is in the honeymoon stage.

I would recommend that you need to be on your own rather than jumping into another romantic relationship before the current one is done.  Before going from one to another without a pause, being on your own, on your own two feet is better as well.

I’m not saying you should stay with Tom. I’m saying that starting another romantic relationship right away is a mistake in my opinion.

Mark

KD,

I was thinking of the restorative justice model that may be able to applied to you and your father’s situation.  Even though it is normally thought of being used in the criminal justice context, I think the principle(s) can be applied to your situation.

Restorative justice processes ideally allow for a voluntary, face-to-face dialogue between the person who committed the harm, the victim, and community members supporting the person who harmed and the victim. This dialogue is intended for the victim to identify his needs, and for the person who harmed to take accountability for her actions and to come up with ways in which she can meet the victim’s needs. Restorative justice does not seek to alienate or isolate people who commit crimes, but instead to offer community support that will allow the person who harmed to successfully meet her obligations to the victim.

Types of restorative justice

http://www.naag.org/publications/naagazette/volume-8-number-10/what-is-restorative-justice.php

It seems to me that being able to sit down with your father (or video conference) and have a conversation with him about the harm you experienced without blame or shame.  The focus is healing for yourself not to beat up your father.  Obviously your father will want to participate in such a process.  A mediator may be needed.  A counselor perhaps.

The healing may include your father giving an explanation for his behavior and taking responsibility.  For you, the healing may happen for just being listened to and heard by your father without him being defensive.

Mark

I’m glad that I could help.  Let us know how things go RoxySue.

Mark