Good luck Lousialou.

No he won’t give you closure because he still wants to be able to go back to you, to enable him, to get the benefits until he decides to move on again.

You might want to block his calls/texts in order to move on.

Good for you for taking steps to address the underlying issues that you have that this relationship has brought up.

Yes, make note of those positive signs that you are experiencing like your appetite.

Mark

Patricia,

Understandable that you have trouble trusting people considering how your father is.

Trust covers a range of things.  I trust my children but I don’t trust them getting back to me when I text them or leave a phone message.  I trust certain friends to show up on time but not others.  I trust some friends to keep in touch with me if they have not heard from me but not others.  I trust some to tell me the blunt truth but not others.

I also trust myself to take care of myself if I get disappointed by a friend who has let me down (in my mind).

For you, you say trust is about what others say about you especially how they feel about you.  Is that the only thing you don’t trust about them?

How about do you trust their actions?  I find actions speak louder than words.  If their actions back up what they say about you then does that make a difference?

Also, realistically I cannot expect people to be 100% trustworthy in terms of how they speak/act/feel for all of us are inconsistent.

Mark

greenshade,

Thanks for updating us.

Good that you have reached out to your therapist.  You may want to find out if there is a backup for your therapist if she cannot help for whatever reason.

There is the suicide hotline as a resource if no one else is available.

You may benefit by getting out of yourself by helping your friend in her depression.

Mark

Kazuma,

To clarify, the girl you are talking about was an online relationship?  You never met her in real life?

In my opinion, that kind of relationship is fraught with misunderstandings, our own projections and fantasies.

Is your current relationship solely an online one as well?

Mark

Ella,

Good for you for being able to overcome a lot of your difficulties.  That is huge for anyone to do.  I hope you feel good about yourself for that.

It sounds like your mom is self-absorbed (aka selfish), disassociated, and is incapable of empathy, and does not have any emotional awareness.

Also good for you for your willingness to forgive her. She is unwilling to do anything about her own pain, dysfunction and crippled emotional life.  Because of that, her impact on your life has been hard.  I can see why you want her to admit the pain she inflicted on you before you can forgive her.

You may be better off just to acknowledge that she is crippled like someone with a bad leg but instead she is someone with a bad upbringing.  She only knows how to deal with life from her own life.  So do you need to forgive her for that?  I would just acknowledge that despite her bad mothering, she behaved the only way she knows how.

I assume that you are living with both your parents and that you cannot move out yet?

Of course you are entitled to feel bad.  Every emotion is legitimate.  You must feel beaten down when you are around her.  Feeling bad would be a normal response in such circumstances.

I would recommend continue to see a therapist so that you can have the tools to withstand such a negative emotional onslaught by your mother while you are living with her.

Take care,
Mark

athena,

You implied that your husband is not inclined to work on your unhappiness in your marriage.

If that is the case then start taking steps to help yourself.  If you are truly want out of your marriage then start planning on how you are going to make a life without him as your husband.

Plus you can start working on yourself in how to be happy.  Find things to do that gives you satisfaction and gives you joy.  Focus on that.  Work on how you can build your own wealth so you don’t have to be financially dependent on him.

Mark

Suzy,

Recommend a communication class?  I would Google classes in your area.  I don’t recommend anything online since face-to-face communication is what you need practice on.

I like Non-Violent Communication (NVC) for it is a great approach to communication.

I don’t think you can lose in taking any one that is out there.  Find one that fits your busy schedule.  Let me know which ones you are considering.

Good that you have a goal of Montessori to teach.  Have you considered Waldorf as well?

Mark