Dear Furry Rat

You come across as quite ethical and not willing to jump over people to climb the corporate ladder.

I guess first check your contract to make sure you can get out of it easily. Do you actually like working for this company if so speak to HR about other job opportunities.

As we spend about a third of our day working, then the chance to find something that fulfills you is well worth exploring.

I wish you the best of luck finding a job and workmates that support & inspire you

Hi

I have just finished a book called Sacred Rest By Saundra Dalton-Smith for the most part I found it an enjoyable & insightful read. At the moment i have to remind myself to live day to day (caring for dad with dementia) letting go of the past and not getting to wrapped up in a future that is without dad this way I have less dissatisfaction with my current situation.

best wishes

Dear Saoirse

You could may be write something like this…….

As a child I , naturally was unable to separate your behavior due to your illness and the role you played as my mother.

I understand your desire to be around me & your grand daughter, but I still need time to heal and come to terms with my adverse childhood experiences so that history does not repeat itself and effect yet another generation of our family.

Please feel free to put your own suggestions on this thread for a detached point of view.

It is very rare for any one to reflect,  apologies and take responsibility for their actions and the damage it caused even inadvertently as in this case due to being bipolar and so any group that your mum is a part of probably does not challenge hers or their own belief of how they see their life stories .

Dear Saoirse

I am sorry that your childhood was blighted by your mothers illness.

It is okay for you to keep your distance, no-one (society) who knows even a little of the situation would not blame you for this wise decision.  If you do decide to meet up with your mother and bring your daughter along a practical solution would be to meet up in a park so that your child could play  and being outside somehow feels less suffocating and easier to walk away if things get toxic.

All Tee’s advice is excellent especially about giving up expectations of things to change from your mothers side.

It appears that your mother may find it hard to deal with her past actions and their effects on you and or memory issues. You could write her a letter  gently explaining why you are uncomfortable about having contact, keep a master copy that you can re photocopy as and when necessary.  If you choose to write to her do so when you are feeling calm( your best possible self) then put it away for a couple of days then re read it as if you were looking at it  as if a friend was writing to her mother. then edit if necessary.

You may also need professional help with releasing the burden of your childhood and the on going anxiety it has caused.

Dear Kunal

I do not know whether the society that you & your girlfriend live in find it normal & acceptable to share intimacy with others ie having more than wife?

Also how would you feel if the roles we reversed and your girlfriend turned to another for physical comfort?

Dear Lovejonesss

As you say you are growing & evolving, so you will probably ask her for advice less & less also you can listen to  her advice in the spirit it is given as a friend, but you do do not have to act upon it.

Take time to think of the good times you have had together and any positive qualities that she has displayed in the past.

Dear Tennesse

Wow you were so brave to call your mum out on her behavior.  I lived with my parents for many years and mum & I could fight even when we were on the same side! Our mums appear to hold onto a grudge and both use silence as a weapon even when the olive branch is offered. I moved out several times ( I own the property with my parents).

I basically came back  fulltime (2016)to help mum when her cancer returned and dad has dementia.  She died peacefully in August 2021 with me at her bedside.

On retreat in 2009 I realised that the chances of my mum changing were very slim so it was up to me to change how i think & cope with the situation.  Yes I fail many times, but the buddhist teachings have helped and continue to help me be a better happier, kinder & wiser.

On a practical help. Have you looked into intentional communities , co-housing and or tiny houses? Also short term there is a site called workaway where you swap room & board for about 25hours a week work, the jobs and locations are varied so the world is your oyster.

Dear Lealea

I guess most relationships start of casual ( except possibly arranged marriages).

This man appears to enjoy your company ( & you his?).  He  asked about a change in the nature of your relationship from casual to exclusive and unless he is going down the avenue of coercive & controlling behavior means that he was open & vulnerable, which seems is quite a brave thing.