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HelcatParticipantHi Mina
Your mom is bullying you and this is wrong. If your mom says something the opposite is more likely to be true.
You deserve peace, happiness and to be treat kindly.
HelcatParticipantHi Roberta!
Thank you for your kind comment. My apologies for the delayed reply. I was very unwell and not in the most positive frame of mind. Thankfully, I’m starting to feel better now.
I agree, I’ve found that my empathy for others is growing with the practice. It also taught me to how to be happy, to step back from my thoughts and feelings when I need to, and helped me to redirect my thoughts.
Meditation has been a difficult skill for me to learn. But it’s a gift that keeps on giving. I look forward to what I learn next.
I’m glad that I found the answers that I was looking for that unfortunately psychology alone couldn’t provide. Gratitude practice has been very helpful in the process of learning to be happy too.
My new journey is realising that diet and stomach issues have a large role in my anxiety. I’m going to have to be patient with myself and this process.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Mina
I’m very sorry to hear about the abuse you’ve received all of these years.
Realistically, improvements happen when you are able to escape situations like that. The question is, is this in any way shape or form possible for you?
It is not your fault that all of these bad things have happened to you and you don’t deserve it.
I doubt that your mother is actually happy. I’ve never met an abuser who is. The pleasure people get from hurting others is short lived at best and generally they hate themselves because they are aware of the pain their actions cause others.
January 15, 2023 at 4:49 pm in reply to: 26 year old single male & would like advice to improve myself #413883HelcatParticipant*My friend who is an aeronautical engineer has expressed these difficulties in dating.
January 15, 2023 at 4:46 pm in reply to: 26 year old single male & would like advice to improve myself #413881HelcatParticipantHi Daniel
That’s great! I was just checking. I can already see from your replies that you’ve made a lot of good progress with your therapy. I’m sure that you will continue to grow and achieve some great results.
I’m sorry that you’ve been dealing with these issues dating. I can understand feeling fed up and needing a break from it all after what you’ve been experiencing. It’s healthy to allow yourself time to process how you feel about it all.
On Tinder the average number of matches for men is 1 in 10. Of these, half typically end up with an actual date. Do you have any thoughts about how that compares with your experience?
You mentioned that your date went cold on you after your work trip. Do you find that you travel for work a lot or infrequently? Do you work long hours? I only ask because you have what women would consider potentially a high paying job. If there are a lot of hours and travelling some women can find themselves unsatisfied with the amount of time spent together. My friend who is an aeronautical engineer has expressed these differences in dating.
I’m also wondering if you mention your job on your dating profile and which dating apps you typically use?
January 15, 2023 at 4:50 am in reply to: 26 year old single male & would like advice to improve myself #413844HelcatParticipantHi Daniel
It’s lovely to meet you! You sound very mature and like you have a good head on your shoulders.
You mentioned that you have some anxiety and self esteem issues. I think continuing to work on these issues will be helpful. Confidence is sexy. Have you seen a therapist for these issues?
Could you tell me a bit about the women you’ve been dating? Are there any common themes in your relationships? I’m wondering if you have any habits of selecting incompatible partners.
Dating statistics show that like men, women under 25 women like men value physical attractiveness. However, over the age of 25 women start to find other qualities attractive. Your maturity, stability and other good qualities will become immensely valuable in your dating life as your dating pool ages. Basically, dating becomes selecting partners with good qualities for child rearing.
January 14, 2023 at 10:23 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413740HelcatParticipantHi Eric
Sorry for the late reply, I’ve been busy.
Realistically, do you think there are any changes your family can make to your Chinese New Year celebrations? Is there anything that you would like to do differently when your girlfriend is coming over?
Imagining scenarios that couldn’t possibly happen only increases anxiety. Approaching situations realistically using your problem solving skills is an important skill to practice to help manage your anxiety.
It sounds like you want this year to be special, do you have any ideas how to achieve that?
HelcatParticipantHi Hamza
I think with International relationships there’s always the difficulty that people are giving up so much of their lifestyle to move to another country. If the relationship isn’t just so… It’s not worth the difficulties and stress that come with living in a different country.
Well done, that’s some amazing reflection! I’m glad that you’re doing the work, but sorry this is how it came about. It’s most definitely a journey, one that will serve you well in your life. ❤️
HelcatParticipantHi Hamza
I’m glad that things are slowly improving for you. Long may those improvements continue! It’s great that you’re focusing on healing.
Thank you for clarifying the context around the breakup. It makes a lot of sense. I had a feeling that something was going on that wasn’t quite right. It sounds like you got a lot of the blame for the break up from your partner and that didn’t “sit right” with me.
I had a long distance relationship as well and the first 6 months of living together was tough. When you’re used to your own space having someone there all of the time can get irritating. But then you adjust. I don’t know how things were for you both?
Like you said everyone has issues but they work through them and it can take time. I feel like your partner had communication issues and unrealistic expectations. What do you think about my opinion that you are not to blame for the breakup? Maybe this was a result of two people experiencing difficulties in a relationship?
January 11, 2023 at 5:46 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413602HelcatParticipantHi Eric
I think it would help if you adjusted your expectations.
Her life is very busy and stressful atm because of her thesis. You said she shared that this has been impacting her mood. You also shared that things went well spending time together on her day off.
When one partner is less busy than the other it natural for the less busy partner to miss the busy partner. On the other hand, the busy partner doesn’t experience that because they are so busy with other things. It’s no one’s fault. That is just life sometimes.
You will probably have a great time when you spend time with her on her days off. You will naturally miss her when she’s busy. As she is so busy it will be important not to opt out of things she invites you to. If you want a relationship where your partner isn’t as busy, you will need to pursue a relationship with someone else.
I think the main concern is how your mental health is reacting to this situation. It’s putting a lot of stress on you. When you start vomiting because of anxiety, your body is at it’s limit.
HelcatParticipantHi Ashley
That’s a great sign that you have been co-parenting well together! I wish you both all of the best 🙏
January 11, 2023 at 2:04 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413589HelcatParticipantHi Eric
If you’re that stressed you’re vomiting because of anxiety you should probably leave the relationship. Not because she has done anything wrong. She is just very busy. It can be hard to date when you are very busy. You may need to get therapy before you are emotionally ready to cope with a relationship. Your anxious thoughts have now fixated on the relationship. The relationship is not the problem, you have untreated mental health issues.
My recollection is that now you have asked her multiple times if you are annoying her. This along with the call means that you’re starting to seek reassurance from her. It’s not her job to reassure you. It’s your job to do that for yourself.
I’ve had issues with reassurance myself, so I know hard it is. What helped me is realizing that there is an underlying mechanism behind reassurance. 1) Seeking social comfort 2) Anxiety management. There’s nothing wrong with social comfort, it’s important to handle these two issues separately. Use your own anxiety management skills to bring your anxiety down.
January 10, 2023 at 3:00 pm in reply to: I tend to always dislike my friends after a while. What should I do? #413577HelcatParticipantHi Victoria
Of course, you are welcome to share or not share as much as you wish. It makes sense that you have a tendency to beat yourself up over small things. People with very high standards for others often have very high standards for themselves. But you don’t deserve to be beaten up for small mistakes. No one does. Mistakes are natural and human.
It seems like a set pattern, it will probably take time and effort to change. Therapy might be helpful.
I have another question… Please don’t feel the need to answer if you don’t want to.
These people who have said insensitive things. Have they ever treat you poorly or have their comments been indirectly related towards you or people you care about?
January 10, 2023 at 12:39 pm in reply to: I tend to always dislike my friends after a while. What should I do? #413574HelcatParticipantHi Victoria
I’ve learned that even the most amazing people have flaws. There are bad people, and average people and good people.
But human nature is biased. Even animals experience similar emotions. I have a dog that was attacked by another dog. Ever since he has been uncomfortable around big dogs, but is comfortable with small ones. He barks at dogs of the same breed that attacked him.
I wonder do you accept yourself and your own flaws? I’m also wondering if you have a history of trauma at all?
January 10, 2023 at 9:12 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413563HelcatParticipantHi Eric
Please correct me if I’m wrong but I thought you were invited to her brother’s birthday party. I also thought that you said that you didn’t want to go.
Was my recollection accurate?
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