Hi Annie,

Join Al-Alon. I am out of the loop on this one, but I believe that is the support group for friends and family of alcoholics. You need other people who “get” what you are going through. And they will help you overcome any enabling and co-dependence on your part. Basically, the cure and the idea to get better has to come from within the alcoholic. If he won’t get help (treatment centers, going to AA, successfully quitting cold turkey (doubtful)), the family/friend plan is to let him fall on his face. Tell him you love him, but you will lovingly NOT give him $$$, lovingly NOT let him crash at your house, etc. This is “Tough Love”. When he hits bottom, as they say, then he will begin to think about recovering.

Thinking of you, praying for your brother,

Inky

Hi Ela,

If he is indeed dating a fourteen year old, it is NOT a relationship. At all. It is a felony, and if there’s any intimacy whatsoever, he could be put in jail for a very long time, and have the rest of his life ruined once he’s on the Sexual Predator List. And let’s be clear here. He is a predator. The girl is not your age or even seventeen. She is FOURTEEN. For God’s sake!

Aside from that, he is controlling and withholding to you.

He is no prize.

So don’t view him as one.

Move on,

Inky

Oh, I have an idea!

Become friends with the restaurant manager where she works. One day when she comes into work, have him play her own songs as background music!!! She will see that the customers are cool with it. Then next year you and the manager can burn the songs on a CD (don’t know how that works) and customers can buy them or win them as a gift (for Favorite/Most Loyal Customer). Then her fan club is where she works!!

Hi who,

I don’t know if you’re still around…

This thread shows that we are all solidly in our own realities based on our perceptions. But which one is real? Any of them? All of them?

This reminds me of the time my sister and I were in a Group. A couple years into it this woman cornered my sister. It was clear that she had been holding onto this particular grievance/”reality” for a while, because she was so upset. She screwed up her courage and finally asked, “I feel like we aren’t close. Have I done anything to upset you and how can I fix it?”

My sister looked at her blankly and replied, “I’m going through a divorce.”

Meaning, the woman wasn’t such a great friend if she didn’t realize a friggin’ divorce was going on, AND that my sister didn’t think of her, um, AT ALL! The real Reality? They weren’t that close! Of course, that confrontation made things even worse!!

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! To a season where there’s nothing to vent about!! 🙂

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Billie,

There are three things going on here:

1. It seems to me that you feel like you are all “set” yet you are coasting. You feel guilty for not having “true” suffering! May I suggest you take on A Mission in Life. A Cause. Volunteer. Give $$$ to charity. See if that doesn’t make you feel even a little better. (It might not!) But just going outside of yourself can’t be a bad thing. It won’t hurt and might help.

Consider that you might not feel like your good fortune is genuine or “deserved” if your own family is down on you.

2. You have a Father Wound. Millions of us have this. You are still young, so if you find an older brother, uncle or father figure, get closer to them, it won’t be seen as “weird”. My sister and I had adopted this old photographer, and even helped take care of him at the end of his life. He was ten times better than our natural father, and I still consider him an Uncle. If you join a church, especially a charismatic one, you can ask the clergy if they would be your “Spiritual Father”. They will know what you mean and be honored.

3. You can get birthmarks removed. No shame in that. My DH gets skin tags and is always taking them off.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi humour,

It’s interesting, clergy are now saying/admitting “Folks, Jesus probably wasn’t born on Dec. 25th/, but that’s when we celebrate because the ancient Europeans were celebrating then anyway.”

And I bet that Historical Jesus (the guy who actually existed, no matter what his level of Divinity) would get a kick out of millions of people celebrating and reenacting his birth in such a extravagant way … on the wrong day! LOL

I always feel celebratory, alive and vibrant at this time of year. An agricultural second-wind carryover??

Happy New Year!

Inky

Hi who,

I would love to hate my dad, but it’s hard to be mad at a sick elderly person, isn’t it? Yes, you are “using” her as a crash pad, but you are also being A Good Son. She is undeserving, yes, but she does “owe” you.

Here’s the reality: Your Mom, grandma and uncle won’t be here much longer.

The least you need to do is get a job, any job, and save up your $$$ so it WORKS for you! Get the book The Richest Man in Babylon. It tells you how much to save, spend and invest. Work as a landscaper or for a company like that. You can be the odd-job handyman in the neighborhood. Couch surf at your mom’s as long as you can. DON’T spend any of the $$$ you make. Save it for a few years until you have saved up for first and last months rent AND a nice nest egg. This dove tails nicely into getting over any addictions you might still have.

See your son if possible. Even if it’s meeting at the library or going for the 1$ meals at McDonalds, the point is for him to see you.

It’s time to look at the hand of cards you have as if you just woke up, blameless. Then make a strategy for getting certain kinds of cards to win the game. Once you have employment, your own place, are addiction free and see your child, you’ve Won.

Best,

Inky