Hi Jgold,

Women don’t do well in groups of three, IMHO. They often try to one-up or triangulate people.

OK, my sister did something like this last night!! Only instead of saying something like that to one other person she said it out loud in front of fifty people!!! “INKY, AREN’T YOU GOING TO GIVE A TOAST I KNOW YOU’VE SPENT HOURS THINKING ABOUT AND WRITING?!” And I couldn’t call her on it only because it was her birthday!!! I didn’t hear people saying “Toast! Toast!” And even if I had written a toast down, it obviously wasn’t going to be pages upon effusive pages, so even if I had prepared something it would sound really lame. So no toast from me because I was embarrassed, which made me look really bad, but her look even worse, frankly. Finally after letting her comment hang in the air, her BF gave a nervous toast after everyone ate their cake. Then of course later she said something else that was elusively snarky (“I’m so tired of always wearing black”) and there I was wearing primarily black and a little ivory white.

Later I did say (in general to another topic, but where sister was listening) “I cannot be guilted, coerced, or forced to do anything.”

So don’t feel bad, as you can see, it can always get worse!

Inky

I know what you mean by The Guilt. We used to have a squadron of cats over the years. If they all lived at the same time I would have been The Crazy Cat Lady. Back in the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, etc. you’d let the cats out. They’d always come back. We had a geriatric cat who was an indoor/outdoor cat for 18 years!

Well, then we had coyotes in town. But even then it wasn’t an issue. There was like one in the whole town. Lived by the train station LOL.

In the past five years COYWOLVES (Google it) have exploded in population in town. There are a dozen families, at least 50 of them. No cats are outside anymore. The owners wised up or they’d be eaten. It’s the killing fields out there.

Now the Guilt. I lost Four Cats in as many years!!! Three were indoor/outdoor cats and would eventually get picked off. Two in one night!!! The fourth cat was an indoor cat. On purpose. Because of the Coywolf problem.

You can guess what happened. He got out. Freedom! Sweet Freedom! I hope he enjoyed it. I found his tail a week later.

But the GUILT!!! Everyone in my family wants to get a new kitten or at least a dog. All I can feel is the sick pit in my stomach. I will never get another cat. It’s cruel to keep them in, because they WANT to go out! But it’s cruel to let them out.

So the next time you feel guilt about the claws, just think, “Well, at least I didn’t lose four cats in four years”. LOL

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Hi Rachel,

In my mind, a pet, especially a dog, has a good life until they are ten. After that, the problems can start.

The arthritis ~ every being gets that, even humans, as we get older. No guilt there!

The claws ~ if clipping them bothered her more than dealing with them, the dog wasn’t in THAT much discomfort. You would know, believe me! No guilt! You didn’t feel guilty about it when she was alive, so it doesn’t serve you now that she’s dead. We had a dog growing up who would NOT let us put in his eye drops. That was a contributing factor to him being put down. (At age 14). The other had Cushing’s Disease and was put down around age ten. Some dog owners say, “Spend the 10K, keep them alive.” No. We did everything.

Your dog was loved, walked, fed, slept in the bed! Sure she wasn’t groomed a lot, but what animal is? I had a cat who would be a fur mat if we didn’t painstakingly tease the mats out. P.S. Sometimes he wouldn’t let us!

In short, your dog was HAPPY! Not because he was well groomed. But because he lived a full life.

Next pet, just make sure every season you bring him into a groomer’s. So much better than doing it yourself!

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Hi Wesley,

I recommend the book The Power of Intention written by Wayne Dyer.

He suggests losing our “Story”. To move forward as if it never happened. To live in the present.

If you do or must remember your past, remember that a lot of kids are God Awful. I’ve met some of my detractors later in life and they all grew up to be normal, lovely people! All teenagers are literally half-baked.

Anyway, I would read one section or page a day in the book. Let it soak into you. Don’t even think too hard about what you’ve read. Every day, little by little, you will finally emerge with a new outlook.

Best,

Inky

OMG, Anita, I think you’re right!! About not having the genetic justification for his failure!!

Or, he sees himself in us, so if we succeed, that doesn’t fit his image and he freaks out…

YES, about the blessing. You can’t argue with crazy, why seek it out?

I just view him as one with a mental illness (narcissism, bi-polar).

I remember one day I read a description of bi-polar disorder, not the symptoms but the personality type and I cried. It was my dad. My dad is not my dad, he’s a friggin’ medical description.

Thank you for a light bulb moment!!

I think my Dad saw HIMSELF as a black sheep of the family. His own father was incredibly successful and very Victorian in that he was not a pal-sy Dad. My mom called Dad out on all his weaknesses and wouldn’t take his crap, basically. My sister and I are the issue from that failed marriage, so… When we (or our children) succeed, I notice he feels very uncomfortable. Or he’ll put down things like the Ivy League school (“I’d hire someone who got their degree ONLINE!”), getting the Eagle Badge (“I hated the Boy Scouts”) or Coast Guard Academy (“That doesn’t guarantee you a job”). He does give a grudging respect for athletic achievement, however!!

He wants his new family (all related through marriage only) to succeed over his original/”blood” family (Take that, Father and ex-wife!).

Very odd. “I can’t even!” as they now say.

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Hi Lauren,

If she shamelessly had an affair when she AND the other man were married, then BELIEVE me, she does NOT take “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationships seriously!!

I had something like this, and I will tell you/warn you that in the process of making it better, it WILL get worse/escalate.

The process is simple: Your BF should let her texts hang. Pretty soon she will be tired and feel a little pathetic for talking to herself via her texts to him. Then she will call, “I’m worried.” “Is everything OK” “Are you mad at me”.

YOUR response (when she inevitably calls YOU), “Oh, not at all, we are just so busy!”

Then change the script: Go on vacation, be “sick”, say you’re going on a Social Media fast (that you two post on Social Media), say you “lost” the cell phone!, be busy, take a class weekend nights, get playhouse tickets, or seasonal sports/museum tickets so you are physically GONE when she wants to get together.

If he responds never or rarely, she will feel like an idiot. She WILL make a stink, but she WILL move on to another victim.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Anita,

I think your mother wrote “You are pure” as a way of APOLOGIZING! On some level she HAD to have known what she did was wrong. And possibly had this deep, sick to your stomach GUILT ~ for hurting you and for NOT apologizing! But she kept doing it ~ a vicious cycle. “You are Pure” was written but “I am UN-pure” was not!

If God and reincarnation are not real, then it is clearly man making up little stories to feel better. You know what, give me the little stories any day LOL! It sure beats reality, and will help me go forward!

There was a great quote, something like, “Even if Aslan doesn’t exist, I will live and act as a Narnian.”

Just remember my own saying: “It’s better than a kick in the azz!” 🙂