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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,546 through 1,560 (of 2,508 total)
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  • December 17, 2015 at 4:29 am in reply to: Am I living right? #89822
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Marcel,

    I think your ultimate goal is to get a job and an apartment AWAY from your family. It sounds like a toxic brew over there.

    Appearance: Praise God you aren’t a girl! All a man has to do to look good is put on a collared shirt.

    OK, you have different levels of looking good:

    1. Tee shirt and jeans.
    2. Collared shirt
    3. Button down collared shirt
    4. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket
    5. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket and tie
    6. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket, tie and nice pants
    7. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket, tie, nice pants and dress shoes

    I WISH I WERE A GUY!!

    What I would do is try those options, one for every day of the week and see what happens. As a social experiment!

    The ladies: I can’t help you unless there is a YouTube video of you or something. But don’t give up!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    December 16, 2015 at 4:17 am in reply to: It's been 4 years, and I still love him. #89785
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Aislynn,

    Oh dear, I actually have the opposite advice. He messaged you while he was drunk! No, this is too big a deal for him to make drunken confessions. What else do we do when we’re drunk? Total the car, vomit, wake up next to a stranger… And call the ex.

    No. Don’t reply.

    Depending on if he texted you or FB messaged you, he will be able to see what he wrote to you later… While sober. He will see you did not reply. That might prompt him to contact you again ~ while sober. If not, then it really was a drunken message.

    I also don’t want you to contact him and him be all, “Oh sorry, I didn’t know what I was texting…”

    But regardless, it sounds like this guy has anger issues. I would leave him solidly in the past.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    December 14, 2015 at 7:02 am in reply to: Master emotions #89688
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Meg,

    That was one big run-on sentence, wow! LOL

    OK, two things I picked up that it SEEMED like you were mentioning in passing, but are actually very important. One is you work with your beloved almost every day. And the other is that you were intimate. Those two things don’t mix!! If you work with someone, don’t get involved. And if you were involved with someone (even as a one time thing) don’t work together!

    What I would do is “Hide” her on social media and work away from her if possible.

    And emotions are great, by the way! They are one of your many Guidance Systems. If your emotions were turned off, you wouldn’t know what excites you, what is bad news, or any of that. Obviously don’t be carried away by them, but it’s important to notice them, absolutely.

    As for the music, try to do both by doing it AND having a regular job. I’m nervous myself in having my art totally support me. But I still create it. Selling it isn’t even the point. Just get your stuff out there!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    December 13, 2015 at 5:40 am in reply to: Hurt by friend, unsure how to deal #89581
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jgold,

    Women don’t do well in groups of three, IMHO. They often try to one-up or triangulate people.

    OK, my sister did something like this last night!! Only instead of saying something like that to one other person she said it out loud in front of fifty people!!! “INKY, AREN’T YOU GOING TO GIVE A TOAST I KNOW YOU’VE SPENT HOURS THINKING ABOUT AND WRITING?!” And I couldn’t call her on it only because it was her birthday!!! I didn’t hear people saying “Toast! Toast!” And even if I had written a toast down, it obviously wasn’t going to be pages upon effusive pages, so even if I had prepared something it would sound really lame. So no toast from me because I was embarrassed, which made me look really bad, but her look even worse, frankly. Finally after letting her comment hang in the air, her BF gave a nervous toast after everyone ate their cake. Then of course later she said something else that was elusively snarky (“I’m so tired of always wearing black”) and there I was wearing primarily black and a little ivory white.

    Later I did say (in general to another topic, but where sister was listening) “I cannot be guilted, coerced, or forced to do anything.”

    So don’t feel bad, as you can see, it can always get worse!

    Inky

    December 12, 2015 at 6:21 am in reply to: Always second guessing and being so hard on myself #89541
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi June,

    The ups and downs… Find someone reputable ~ a professional ~ and find out what’s going on. What you’re describing can also be a sign of bi-polarism. But of course what do I know? I’m just a stranger on the internet! But you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to nip this ~ whatever it is ~ in the bud.

    See a doctor if you haven’t this year!

    Inky

    December 11, 2015 at 5:16 am in reply to: My Dog Died, I'm crushed with Guilt. #89447
    Inky
    Participant

    I know what you mean by The Guilt. We used to have a squadron of cats over the years. If they all lived at the same time I would have been The Crazy Cat Lady. Back in the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, etc. you’d let the cats out. They’d always come back. We had a geriatric cat who was an indoor/outdoor cat for 18 years!

    Well, then we had coyotes in town. But even then it wasn’t an issue. There was like one in the whole town. Lived by the train station LOL.

    In the past five years COYWOLVES (Google it) have exploded in population in town. There are a dozen families, at least 50 of them. No cats are outside anymore. The owners wised up or they’d be eaten. It’s the killing fields out there.

    Now the Guilt. I lost Four Cats in as many years!!! Three were indoor/outdoor cats and would eventually get picked off. Two in one night!!! The fourth cat was an indoor cat. On purpose. Because of the Coywolf problem.

    You can guess what happened. He got out. Freedom! Sweet Freedom! I hope he enjoyed it. I found his tail a week later.

    But the GUILT!!! Everyone in my family wants to get a new kitten or at least a dog. All I can feel is the sick pit in my stomach. I will never get another cat. It’s cruel to keep them in, because they WANT to go out! But it’s cruel to let them out.

    So the next time you feel guilt about the claws, just think, “Well, at least I didn’t lose four cats in four years”. LOL

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    December 11, 2015 at 4:20 am in reply to: Trouble with boyfriend's roommate #89445
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Annie,

    OK, this is just a quick response, I might come back to it…

    The Roommate made things Awkward. Now he feels uncomfortable.

    My remedy: Let it be Awkward. Let the Awkward Stand.

    He tried to pull rank on you, putting your BF in a very uncomfortable situation. He was making it Me and the Other Girl and the Boy Friend vs. The Girl Friend.

    You didn’t play the game and wisely avoided him.

    If you don’t want to deal with the Awkward either, have your BF always come to your apartment or move in together. Then the Room mate (and not the Other Girl) can visit YOU!

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    December 10, 2015 at 4:48 am in reply to: My Dog Died, I'm crushed with Guilt. #89385
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rachel,

    In my mind, a pet, especially a dog, has a good life until they are ten. After that, the problems can start.

    The arthritis ~ every being gets that, even humans, as we get older. No guilt there!

    The claws ~ if clipping them bothered her more than dealing with them, the dog wasn’t in THAT much discomfort. You would know, believe me! No guilt! You didn’t feel guilty about it when she was alive, so it doesn’t serve you now that she’s dead. We had a dog growing up who would NOT let us put in his eye drops. That was a contributing factor to him being put down. (At age 14). The other had Cushing’s Disease and was put down around age ten. Some dog owners say, “Spend the 10K, keep them alive.” No. We did everything.

    Your dog was loved, walked, fed, slept in the bed! Sure she wasn’t groomed a lot, but what animal is? I had a cat who would be a fur mat if we didn’t painstakingly tease the mats out. P.S. Sometimes he wouldn’t let us!

    In short, your dog was HAPPY! Not because he was well groomed. But because he lived a full life.

    Next pet, just make sure every season you bring him into a groomer’s. So much better than doing it yourself!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    December 9, 2015 at 4:47 am in reply to: How passive are you? #89293
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi jack,

    I totally agree. The worst is when you are passive and don’t know it ~ and then you are later pressured to believe that your instincts are wrong (of “Hmmm, something is off”)! But because you’ve been passive for so long it’s hard to get out of it gracefully without making a scene or you being the “bad guy”! And then when you tell other people they look at you funny ~ because they wouldn’t get in that situation to begin with!

    One Life Lesson I’ve learned: There are the Askers and the People Who Never Ask. I am a person Who Never Asks!! Guess who gravitates towards me? LOL!

    Best,

    Inky

    December 8, 2015 at 4:40 am in reply to: Lost.. #89219
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Wesley,

    I recommend the book The Power of Intention written by Wayne Dyer.

    He suggests losing our “Story”. To move forward as if it never happened. To live in the present.

    If you do or must remember your past, remember that a lot of kids are God Awful. I’ve met some of my detractors later in life and they all grew up to be normal, lovely people! All teenagers are literally half-baked.

    Anyway, I would read one section or page a day in the book. Let it soak into you. Don’t even think too hard about what you’ve read. Every day, little by little, you will finally emerge with a new outlook.

    Best,

    Inky

    December 7, 2015 at 6:40 am in reply to: Feeling like a fraud #89132
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Libellula,

    I had this experience a couple times.

    With these types of people they either admire/follow someone, or they think that you are close enough their level so they feel competitive! It’s a way of protecting their own feelings. Obviously she feels threatened by you!

    I know the feeling ~ I was good enough for you five years ago but now I’m not good enough for you! What changed? Nothing. Therefore, she must have found out something about me.

    You are NOT a fraud. And she did NOT find anything lacking ~ far from it. Oh, sure, she might say that, but deep down SHE wants to do what you do, have what you have and be what you are! Believe it! Otherwise she would not have pointedly sent her children to the same school, bought a McMansion, or made pointed comments!

    Also know that she does this with dozens of other people. Which is sad. And even if you’re the only one she does that to, sure, it’s more personal, but still sad.

    The best thing to do is seek sanctuary in politeness. The next time you see her, make eye contact, smile, and say “Hello” and when you leave the party, touch her arm gently and say “Goodbye” with a smile. In ten years she will have other issues and nemeses.

    Best,

    Inky

    December 6, 2015 at 4:58 am in reply to: FEAR #89000
    Inky
    Participant

    OMG, Anita, I think you’re right!! About not having the genetic justification for his failure!!

    Or, he sees himself in us, so if we succeed, that doesn’t fit his image and he freaks out…

    YES, about the blessing. You can’t argue with crazy, why seek it out?

    I just view him as one with a mental illness (narcissism, bi-polar).

    I remember one day I read a description of bi-polar disorder, not the symptoms but the personality type and I cried. It was my dad. My dad is not my dad, he’s a friggin’ medical description.

    Thank you for a light bulb moment!!

    December 6, 2015 at 4:47 am in reply to: Self Defeating Loop… #88998
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Andrew M,

    YES! I don’t know if I can help you as I have the same sort of problem. But YES that is me, only without the emotional torment about it.

    Here’s what I concluded, at least for myself.

    We get depressed over our SHOULDS. I SHOULD have a job I feel PASSIONATE about. I SHOULD have a squad of FRIENDS. I SHOULD have a MISSION in LIFE!! Then I buy a new calendar and put in my GOALS for the year, month, week and/or day. Then I get down on myself because I didn’t write the Blog Posts for Fall for my Fans/”Fans”. Or I didn’t host a theme party and actually meet my new best friends. Or get my name in the paper. Etc.

    What if ~ what if…. It’s OK to get up, go to work, do what you have to do to live in this world, and sit and read books in the coffee shop. What if that’s what life’s really about ~ at least right now? I say cast all your SHOULDS out of your mind ~ just for now ~ and go and ENJOY reading in the coffee shop.

    It gives you pleasure, you are living within your nature, you are doing something you LOVE. If you want to add on to that, you can volunteer and go to events at the local library. See if you like it! That dovetails into your current purpose (getting lost in reading). You help or support people, events and the building… then you read your books!

    And P.S. Reading anything about Mindfulness, Compassion, Mysticism, Meditation, etc. is bound to be un-grounding. You have to really be grounded to read stuff like that and get anything out of them IMHO.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    December 5, 2015 at 12:15 pm in reply to: FEAR #88947
    Inky
    Participant

    I think my Dad saw HIMSELF as a black sheep of the family. His own father was incredibly successful and very Victorian in that he was not a pal-sy Dad. My mom called Dad out on all his weaknesses and wouldn’t take his crap, basically. My sister and I are the issue from that failed marriage, so… When we (or our children) succeed, I notice he feels very uncomfortable. Or he’ll put down things like the Ivy League school (“I’d hire someone who got their degree ONLINE!”), getting the Eagle Badge (“I hated the Boy Scouts”) or Coast Guard Academy (“That doesn’t guarantee you a job”). He does give a grudging respect for athletic achievement, however!!

    He wants his new family (all related through marriage only) to succeed over his original/”blood” family (Take that, Father and ex-wife!).

    Very odd. “I can’t even!” as they now say.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    December 5, 2015 at 12:03 pm in reply to: Confused…. #88945
    Inky
    Participant

    I know I suggested all those things, but believe me: If the OP (Original Poster) thought straight communication was the answer she would have done it by now! I was raised in the Art of the Soft “No”. If she gives a Hard “No” it sounds like she is afraid of rocking the boat by being “jealous” and “insecure”. And besides, if the other girl is dating one of his friends, the BF might not want to burn any bridges. In short, the GF doesn’t want to issue an ultimatum: “It’s Me or Her (Them)”.

    But to answer her Real Question: NO! You are NOT overreacting! It is Real. She IS trying to undermine your relationship.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
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Viewing 15 posts - 1,546 through 1,560 (of 2,508 total)
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