Hi Sunflower,

I hate to say it, but let him have a space for just him and his daughter. She is only a teen for so long, and will only be on visitation for a short amount of time until she’s an adult. Let her and her dad have time and peace. You around will just trigger her. Also, it will give YOU space and time to really look at this relationship from a perspective.

Revisit this guy when the kids are grown, the ex wife had moved on, and he has more of a handle on his own mental health.

Peace,

Inky

Hi kim53,

No one is putting a gun to your head and demanding you get a divorce. This marriage arrangement seems to be working for you. But you simply must ferret out the terrifying fear. Is it money? Status? There’s no one else? You genuinely like/love your husband? I say if you don’t have a job, get one. If you have few friends, find some. If you love the routine of it all, do other things.

This guy you’re in love with that you see once a year? My green card senses are tingling. I would sooner get citizenship to his country. Honestly. I’ve seen this happen. Don’t be like that guy who I’ve seen this happen to. I’d rather you live in your current comfortable life/routine.

Think Hard,

Inky

Hi Cianna,

Well, speaking from my own experience, my parental love is unconditional. Sure, one of my kids in particular can be a pain in the azz, but I would still love him, protect him, move mountains for him. You can have unconditional love for someone but not like their actions very much.

Familial love can get pretty close.

Jesus said, “No greater love is there than friends laying down their lives for friends” which tells me that friends love each other, but it also can go against human nature, as you’d say. So giving your life for one would be amazing, but not outside the realm of possibility.

Some people are a font of love. Others are sociopathic. So the conditional factor is in the person’s nature itself, too.

Will check out the link, thanks,

Inky

Hi baku,

Well, this is a maturity issue. Yours. I can’t tell whether you are a mature twenty year old to be thinking of marriage and children or an immature thirty year old talking about the “new you”, bf/gf, changing her, etc.

One thing is for sure. Girls mature faster than boys. And when she finds The One she will marry and have children with him in a red hot minute. And you will be left with “What If” thoughts.

I don’t know if you’d be doing her a favor by breaking it off or if you’d do yourself a favor for sticking around.

Cast her Loose??

Inky

Hi Britt,

Always trust your first instinct. On your first meeting, you felt turned off by him. “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them,” the saying goes.

Also, men treat you best before the wedding (not that you would marry him LOL). You were NOT treated like a queen or even a princess, or even like a girlfriend! I wouldn’t treat a stranger that way! The next time someone puts you down, makes you second guess yourself or makes you feel bad, get OUT of there!!

Lastly, OMG, still married. What a creep. Leave and don’t even say goodbye. Block his numbers. Delete him from social media. Snub him in public. Call the cops when he stops by. Contact his wife LOL.

Shake the Dust from your Shoes,

Inky
http://www.suburbanmysticmom.typepad.com

Hi Longfall,

We aren’t doctors, so we can’t label you or help you in that regard.

I’ll say a few thoughts. They won’t solve everything, but they might solve something.

First is, I commend you on trying a Vegan diet! Sadly, we can’t live that way forever (hence your craving for cheese). Our brains run on protein. I don’t care if it’s an egg or a nip of cheese, if you don’t get some animal protein in you, it will only make your brain worse, and thus, anything that ails you worse. Just my experience and opine!

Another thought is: You owe it to yourself and your father to get a license! Your dad’s at the age where random and not so random health issues or emergencies could theoretically plague him. Who will drive him to doctors appointments if you can’t? God forbid he dies, what would you do?

The social stuff: We are all either introverts or extroverts, and a smattering of personality types. It’s in your nature to be quiet around a large group of people, and that’s OK. The rest is a choice and habits. It’s good you have strategies and phrases to get you through. I know it’s uncomfortable. I KNOW. (Oh, boy, do I know!) So don’t beat yourself up.

Do try to get in a regular sleep pattern and interact with other people once a day so you don’t get “weird” (as one friend pointed out to me in my hermit phase!)

Blessings,

Inky
http://www.suburbanmystic.typepad.com

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Inky.

Hi Courtney,

People in the wedding business must see this every week. Is there any way to get any money back? Start there if you haven’t already.

So I was in a house fire years ago and was left with probably the same amount of stuff! What I tell people after going through losing “everything” (see the quotes there? LOL) is the bright side is… You get to start over with brand new stuff!! Everything (eventually) will be new. You get to pick out your style, no compromises. Always wanted a color scheme? Now you can do it without worrying how it “goes” with everything else. Also, all the new stuff will replace the old stuff which is memories of him.

This guy: His personality flaws finally came out, and thank God! What if you had kids, a mortgage, and were God forbid dying of cancer? What if he did this stunt then?? You dodged a bullet!! I bet people on your side AND his side are secretly relieved. There was a called off wedding in our family. It was embarrassing for the couple. Some of the older generation was angry. But guess what? It was a blessing for everyone.

Hang in There,

Inky
http://www.suburbanmysticmom.typepad.com