fbpx
Menu

Inky

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1,966 through 1,980 (of 2,508 total)
1 2 3 … 131 132 133 … 166 167 168
  • Author
    Posts
  • February 21, 2015 at 5:39 am in reply to: Existential Crisis and Emotional Breakdown #73090
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Leila,

    Oh, I’m so sorry!!!

    If there is one thing this school is teaching you, it’s How NOT to Be! That is an invaluable lesson.

    What I would say is to keep your head down and plow through the days and the course. Don’t ask/talk, just observe. And find one pocket of goodness, sanity, and pleasure somewhere in your life.

    I see you becoming a great teacher one day, if only because of, or despite, this experience!!

    Hang in There,

    Inky

    February 19, 2015 at 6:40 am in reply to: Mother Daughter relationships #72993
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi jul17,

    There are a few things you can try.

    One is Radical Acceptance. Expect her to ask 101 questions. In fact, if you are free enough to have a beer with your mom, you can make it a drinking game. For every question, drink. Or, for every question, have a bite of food. Then you can joke about it with your friends. 🙂

    Another tactic is to ask her a question for every question she asks you. You can be subtle about this. Like, “OH!! I forgot to ask you what do you think of (blank)?” or “What would you do?” or “Well, I don’t know, but what do you think of option A and option B?”

    The other is the 15 minute time limit. Anyone can do anything for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes, if you say over the phone or in person, “I’ve got to run”, or “I have to make a phone call, sorry!” or excuse yourself to the bathroom, she will have still had her “fix”.

    Lastly, space out your phone calls and visitations. If you live at home, be out of the house more. i.e. Go to the library to get your school work done. Appear to go to bed early. Or excuse yourself because you have tons of work to do.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
    February 18, 2015 at 5:21 am in reply to: Learning to get over unkind words #72930
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Cianna,

    Some of the most emotional, “attached” and angry people I’ve known are Buddhists. That’s like expecting everyone in church to have Christ-like love for everyone LOL. Maybe that’s why they’re Buddhists, because deep down they want to be free of their personality flaws.

    Hey, I hear you about the unkind words. I love what was said (above) about that. With the gift of Time, you can look back one day and totally see how it really was all about them.

    The attitude I go with for myself is this: “Well, I’m not for everyone!” with a mental shoulder shrug. And I’m not! I totally can rub certain people the wrong way. Let’s see, I have a deep voice, an accent from nowhere that I can’t shake, I’m not into clothes, I’m unmanicured, slightly overweight, look like I come from an undefined race, and am not nor ever will be PC.

    Do you know how much work I would have to do before I ever left my house to be “acceptable”?? And then guess what, people would then think I’m too boring and just like everyone else!!

    Sometimes it takes all the energy out of you just to walk into a room, do the appropriate things, make small talk, and make it home alive!

    So don’t worry about what other people think. Especially Buddhists. They’re supposed to have right mindfulness anyway about things.

    February 17, 2015 at 5:49 am in reply to: helping somone that got broken up with #72884
    Inky
    Participant

    A good thing to do is to take her to places where there can be “wind in her hair”. New places, new events, new people, new activities. Everything should be new, new, new. Then you won’t be associated with the breakup, you’ll be associated with giving her new adventures! Let her cry and wallow in the familiarity of home. Pick up the phone when she wants to talk. But actively introduce her to new things. Then that guy will be soon a distant memory.

    February 17, 2015 at 5:44 am in reply to: We are breaking up, but both very much in love!?! #72882
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sunflower,

    I hate to say it, but let him have a space for just him and his daughter. She is only a teen for so long, and will only be on visitation for a short amount of time until she’s an adult. Let her and her dad have time and peace. You around will just trigger her. Also, it will give YOU space and time to really look at this relationship from a perspective.

    Revisit this guy when the kids are grown, the ex wife had moved on, and he has more of a handle on his own mental health.

    Peace,

    Inky

    February 16, 2015 at 5:19 am in reply to: We are breaking up, but both very much in love!?! #72814
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sunflower,

    Your BF is connected to the wife either because they are still legally married, they have a business/property together or they have children. If he isn’t connected to any of these things, then he is a weak person and do you really want that?

    If you want to stay together, here is a solution:

    Nothing creates distance like distance. Imagine living simply in Europe or across the country, with no forwarding email, social media, cell phone number or physical address. She will have no false claims against you or you will be gone so long the judge and lawyers will throw it out.

    I had a friend who was going through something like this. An old business partner had a vendetta against her. Everything literally went away when the lady and then later my friend went abroad.

    Think about it.

    Inky

    February 15, 2015 at 5:43 am in reply to: I need advice with midlife changes. HELP! #72787
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi kim53,

    No one is putting a gun to your head and demanding you get a divorce. This marriage arrangement seems to be working for you. But you simply must ferret out the terrifying fear. Is it money? Status? There’s no one else? You genuinely like/love your husband? I say if you don’t have a job, get one. If you have few friends, find some. If you love the routine of it all, do other things.

    This guy you’re in love with that you see once a year? My green card senses are tingling. I would sooner get citizenship to his country. Honestly. I’ve seen this happen. Don’t be like that guy who I’ve seen this happen to. I’d rather you live in your current comfortable life/routine.

    Think Hard,

    Inky

    February 14, 2015 at 5:51 am in reply to: Valentine Blues #72743
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Dee,

    Your ex knows that he’s giving you unwarranted crap. And you should know that he was just pissed that it seemingly took you so little time to get over him. Of course, he can’t actually say that so he’s making out like you’re a liar and a cheat.

    The next time he abuses you, say, “We broke up and you know it”. Keep repeating that line when pressed. Say nothing else. It’s called The Broken Record Technique and it (eventually) works!

    As for the friend, it was a rebound, and Valentine’s Day just highlights that fact. I would let that one call/contact you. But be on Formal Mode when you do talk to or see him. If he tries to get closer, say “You had your chance” and mean it. Instant Respect will be yours.

    Hold your Head Up,

    Inky

    February 13, 2015 at 4:57 am in reply to: Unconditional love #72708
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Cianna,

    Well, speaking from my own experience, my parental love is unconditional. Sure, one of my kids in particular can be a pain in the azz, but I would still love him, protect him, move mountains for him. You can have unconditional love for someone but not like their actions very much.

    Familial love can get pretty close.

    Jesus said, “No greater love is there than friends laying down their lives for friends” which tells me that friends love each other, but it also can go against human nature, as you’d say. So giving your life for one would be amazing, but not outside the realm of possibility.

    Some people are a font of love. Others are sociopathic. So the conditional factor is in the person’s nature itself, too.

    Will check out the link, thanks,

    Inky

    February 12, 2015 at 5:32 am in reply to: Always seeking the wrong approval. #72677
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi doremi,

    Even as a kid, you would know the difference between a feel good rec center class, “That’s GREAT!!!” and a competitive travel team going to Nationals, “DO IT! FIX IT! FASTER!”

    Your boss’s praise might as well be no praise if he does it all the time. But it’s a nice problem to have, especially because you could have ended up with a boss out of The Devil Wears Prada. And seeking approval from your boss isn’t seeking the wrong approval at all. From who else would you seek approval? LOL. At least you’re not resting on your laurels.

    As for being passed over, you are still very young. If an age mate is being promoted, it probably has to do with a more worldly veneer or a glamour of competence.

    Keep up Excellence!

    Inky

    February 11, 2015 at 5:14 am in reply to: I don't even know what to title this #72614
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi baku,

    Well, this is a maturity issue. Yours. I can’t tell whether you are a mature twenty year old to be thinking of marriage and children or an immature thirty year old talking about the “new you”, bf/gf, changing her, etc.

    One thing is for sure. Girls mature faster than boys. And when she finds The One she will marry and have children with him in a red hot minute. And you will be left with “What If” thoughts.

    I don’t know if you’d be doing her a favor by breaking it off or if you’d do yourself a favor for sticking around.

    Cast her Loose??

    Inky

    February 10, 2015 at 5:00 am in reply to: Annoyed By People In New Environment #72579
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Leila,

    I can say straight up that I was raised in that world. LOL

    1. Ironically, if you talk to any of them about your complaints about their kindred, they will chime right in. Everyone on the planet thinks they’re open-minded.

    2. They literally don’t know they are acting this way! I had someone say, “You’re a snob, aren’t you?” I had stopped short, thought about what I had just said, and replied, “My God, Jeeves, you’re correct!”

    3. The remedy (for them) is to hang out with people (like you). The more you hang with them, the more you’ll rub off on them. They’ll rub off on you, too, but only so you’re not shocked and horrified by the entitlement.

    View it all as another form of Culture Shock.

    Inky

    February 9, 2015 at 5:11 am in reply to: Relationship hell: betrayal, lies…was I just a sex object? #72534
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Britt,

    Always trust your first instinct. On your first meeting, you felt turned off by him. “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them,” the saying goes.

    Also, men treat you best before the wedding (not that you would marry him LOL). You were NOT treated like a queen or even a princess, or even like a girlfriend! I wouldn’t treat a stranger that way! The next time someone puts you down, makes you second guess yourself or makes you feel bad, get OUT of there!!

    Lastly, OMG, still married. What a creep. Leave and don’t even say goodbye. Block his numbers. Delete him from social media. Snub him in public. Call the cops when he stops by. Contact his wife LOL.

    Shake the Dust from your Shoes,

    Inky
    http://www.suburbanmysticmom.typepad.com

    February 8, 2015 at 7:22 am in reply to: unable to escape a prison i have built around myself #72498
    Inky
    Participant

    Edit: If you’re giving up meat, AND grains, AND dairy, you won’t last long. Give up two, but not three. Protein, protein, protein.

    February 8, 2015 at 5:29 am in reply to: unable to escape a prison i have built around myself #72494
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Longfall,

    We aren’t doctors, so we can’t label you or help you in that regard.

    I’ll say a few thoughts. They won’t solve everything, but they might solve something.

    First is, I commend you on trying a Vegan diet! Sadly, we can’t live that way forever (hence your craving for cheese). Our brains run on protein. I don’t care if it’s an egg or a nip of cheese, if you don’t get some animal protein in you, it will only make your brain worse, and thus, anything that ails you worse. Just my experience and opine!

    Another thought is: You owe it to yourself and your father to get a license! Your dad’s at the age where random and not so random health issues or emergencies could theoretically plague him. Who will drive him to doctors appointments if you can’t? God forbid he dies, what would you do?

    The social stuff: We are all either introverts or extroverts, and a smattering of personality types. It’s in your nature to be quiet around a large group of people, and that’s OK. The rest is a choice and habits. It’s good you have strategies and phrases to get you through. I know it’s uncomfortable. I KNOW. (Oh, boy, do I know!) So don’t beat yourself up.

    Do try to get in a regular sleep pattern and interact with other people once a day so you don’t get “weird” (as one friend pointed out to me in my hermit phase!)

    Blessings,

    Inky
    http://www.suburbanmystic.typepad.com

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 15 posts - 1,966 through 1,980 (of 2,508 total)
1 2 3 … 131 132 133 … 166 167 168