Hi

I think people freaked out because you *seemed* angry that she was looking at other profiles while interested in you.

For all you know this is how she gets her kicks to counteract the drudgery of potty training and sippy cup cleaning.

And for all she knows, you could be one of those bad guys. My point is Why go trolling the internet for strangers when there are plenty of people you may already know or be introduced to IRL, where love could blossom naturally and with more safety. I dunno, dating sites are the last places I would go if I’m still counting my child’s age in months. No offense, just makes me go “Hmmmm”.

Hi Steve,

Sorry, If I were on a dating website, and a single mom with a toddler, I’d be aloof as hell! LOL

There are a lot of strange birds out there and shame on her for bringing a potential total stranger into their midst.

And even in a perfect world where she had babysitters and oodles of time and you never meet the kid, what message is that sending the kid?? Dropped off at daycare while mommy works and now a babysitter when she’s not working??

Please only date childless women. I knew someone who was pissed because his GF spent more time with her teenagers than him. (!!!)

Don’t be That Guy.

Hi Denise,

Do you go to University? If not, that would be your first step.

As a young adult, this type of dynamic is the “price you pay” if you live at home.

What works well (at least in my home LOL) is to do simple things: make the bed, do the laundry (even theirs!), do the dishes, take out the trash, while you’re going out ask if they need anything… without asking anything in return!

Tell them your hopes, your dreams, and more importantly, your plans. Ask them for their advice. Parents love that!

Parents act that way out of fear of the world out there (more scary than when we were growing up) and the fear that they will be parenting forever.

Ease their minds. Go to school, get a “real”-ish job, live by their rules, don’t argue (bite your tongue LOL), do simple chores (make their lives easier by having YOU in it!), ask their advice ~ Golden!

Well, as long as you involved her family why not go all in? Meet the guy and tell him to move on, that you won’t allow it. Find out who his family is and tell THEM. She wants to pretend she’s a male king in an ancient world with concubines? Hello, she is a woman living in modern society. There will be fall out. She’ll be upset? “Hello, Sweetheart,” you tell her, “you want a poly relationship, you have to earn it.” Everyone knows. And everyone doesn’t approve. Tell her you will stay married to her until the kids leave for college. That if she ever wants a divorce in that time, she has to earn that too. “But, Honey, given your lifestyle, the judge would grant me custody. Think hard. Think very hard.”

I told one of my friends, “Don’t qualify a compliment.” (compliment plus “but”)

It worked!

Next time she hurts your feelings, can just say “I can’t believe you said that” and let her sit with it for a while. Then when she contacts you again you can say, “Are we going to have a repeat of your (her latest quote that made you feel bad) fiasco?” Now she knows that you can’t be put down so easily, that you’ll call her on it, and she is not in some perceived power position.

The friendship will crumble after that or she may start treating you with respect.

But honestly? I would spend my energy enjoying the company of non-toxic friends!

P.S. Obviously, as Ruminant is pointing out, if your whole aura is Victim-y, Pity Me, then, yes, that would be a huge turn off to anyone.

In America there are now social services in place to make sure that people don’t starve and have shelters. As a matter of fact, they are called Social Services. And Shelters. Call a parish nurse from any church (go to a service if you want to) and ask for advice. These ladies spring into action with advice, resources, know-how.

Then sit down with your parents and tell them that you are putting a lump sum (or a dozen small sums) into their bank account. Give them the resources and contact information. Introduce them to the parish nurse. Do some genealogical research. Set them up with a cousin or in-law. But don’t do this alone. But tell them that you can’t be The Good Son, you are taking a break. And don’t fight you on this or it will be permanent.

I’m sorry you resent your parents, they must have really done a number on you. So be a good son, but don’t (literally) wipe their azz.

Hi Alpal,

I had some of this too.

It can be jealousy that you’re marrying before them, anger that a phase of life is ending, upset to see that you can move on without them, jealous that someone else is filling all your needs or even disapproval of the groom or that you marrying so young/before they think you’re “ready”.

You don’t really know what it is. It could be different things for different people.

You could call her, but honestly? Use this first year to be happy with your new husband. Then next year call and gently have it out.