Hi There!

To simplify Everything:

1. Tell him you’ll date him WHEN he is  (finally) divorced. This way you wouldn’t be the Rebound Girl.

2. In the meantime, take things slowly but only with guys who have NO baggage.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Kristen,

You terminating a pregnancy because he met some girl, whether for four days or longer, is so terribly insulting. Tell him that “WE are continuing this pregnancy!” Terminating a pregnancy should never be decided JUST because he met some girl.

Now for the “get real” part: You were never married when you had your child with him. He was, bottom line, a free agent, and could come and go as he pleases. And then later you slept with him, and he was your best friend. But the bottom line is still that he is a free agent, and can come and go when he pleases. And he is no longer your best friend. Best friends don’t do that.

He’s already helping to support one child. He certainly can help (perhaps only to a degree) with two. He literally made (unmade?) the bed and now has to lie in it. But for you? No more sleeping with him. Ever. Raise your children in relative peace.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Hi Eliana,

For one thing, this girl was bi-polar with mania. She was not necessarily in a healthy place or had the aptitude to be a good friend to you. In her own admission she hadn’t had a friend since she was five.

Then you say you can’t afford to lose friends. As if having friends was a requirement for life. Like, “Oh no! I’m down to one crappy friend! It doesn’t matter who she is or what she does, if I lose this one I’ll lose at life!!” Does that make sense? No, of course not!

There are many different kinds of friends. Hers was the pizza eating, movie watching see you in passing kind of friend. Not the supportive caring while you’re going through cancer kind.

Hopefully you will meet another kind of friend who’s a level up. It won’t be hard.

Best,

Inky

Hi Abby,

Unfortunately, some people never get over it. It’s easy to say “Get over it” and the other person may agree 100% and would absolutely love to get over it. But they can’t. Your fella seeing the ex and her new hubby is too much for him. There’s too much hurt.

Heck, I’m still traumatized by a situation that happened ten years ago and I was never married to the people but you can bet I avoid even the possibility of being in the same room as them like the plague. When you see certain people you just want to crawl out of your skin. It’s horrible.

This is human nature.

The best you can do is to gently remind him that one day he will have to go to his daughter’s graduation and possibly her wedding and any future grandbabies’ baptisms. That he WILL see his ex there. And what will he do? How will he handle it? What is his plan?

Then you have to decide what you are willing to deal with. You really don’t have to stay with this man. It’s easier, frankly, to find a young guy with NO “baggage”.

Best,

Inky

Hi Cal,

This is what you should do (I am infuriated on your behalf, by the way!):

Tell her that she CAN meet this other guy, but that YOU will be there with her. At least find out when and where this meeting will take place. Then YOU show up, even with the two kids in tow. Or YOU meet Mr. Wonderful alone. Additionally, inform your wife that YOU will accompany her on all her business trips from now on. That’s what I would do if my husband acted like this. Meaning, I would not go quietly into the night!

You have too many children for her to play games like this. Sure, she can run off, but you’re NOT going to make it easy for her. She has to EARN her way out! No more purgatory.

I predict that when she meets Mr. Wonderful, she will see that you are so much more than he is and nothing will come of it.

Shame on her!

Inky

Anytime! 🙂

Hi Dreaming715,

These extroverted life of the party people sure are a lot of fun… at parties! But their everyday lives can be sad. Really. My DH would be temporarily dazzled by these types of girls, and then it would (always!) later come out that they were alcoholics, divorced three times, debt ridden, desperate for the male gaze, or at the very least extremely unhappy. Then I’d swoop in the minute he found out, all brazen with my normal life, daring thick frame and baffling financial stability and say with genuine pity “Poor Party Girl!”

Worst case scenario is she really is perfect and he really is interested. The good news? You don’t have to worry. She won’t even look at mere mortals.

Hire a hot extroverted personal trainer to keep BF on his toes! Don’t forget to Like the trainer on Face Book! If that doesn’t cast Party Girl away from his thoughts, nothing will!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Hi mntwinsfan,

He either has become what he truly is, and you should feel happy for him. OR, the authentic him is still there, and you can one day reconnect with him reminiscent of the old days.

But right now he is in his transition phase. He is trying to finally be a gay man in high school while he can. Also, he is protecting his feelings because he knew you wouldn’t be interested in him.

I’ve found that with fading friendships in high school is that one day decades from now, you do meet up again. And then you can re-bond, joyfully, as full grown adults.

Best,

Inky