Hi chaosed,

What I’ve noticed is most women put in a huge amount of life energy, time and money to be thin. That in itself would make one unhappy. And then here they see us (I’m in the same boat, sister!) come down the pike, all fat and happy. And they’re all “How dare you be happy and do your own thing and not care, you haven’t paid your dues! I’ll remind you that you should be miserable if fat!”

Then you have the young, entitled guys who watch too much media. They see fat guys in sitcoms married to gorgeous models. And they’re all average, and they’re all like, “Where’s my model?” Then you have the middle aged guys whose lives are basically never going to change and they know it, and they’re all “I’ve NEVER had a model” and then they see us walk along, all fat and happy. And we’re not interested in them (or even thought of them) and they know it, and, well.. We must “pay” right?

The good news is that the older we get, the less people mess with us. We should wear clothes that we love, do the things we love, eat amazing food. And eat healthy and exercise because we want to, not because it will supposedly make our bodies do our bidding. And like the above poster said, Do good anyway. We are walking angels, only visiting this planet for such a short time. Let’s strive to be happy. Then only time I’ve put people down is when I’ve been desperately unhappy deep down. Feel sorry for them.

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by Inky.

May I add, yes, anita is correct: Technically he did nothing wrong.

But intellectually knowing something is OK is different from feeling socked in the gut by it. Maybe in a few years your thought “It was fine. He was on a break” will jibe with feeling OK about it. But right now it’s really bothering you.

That in itself is a reason to break up with someone. And by the way, you don’t need a reason to break up with someone. You don’t need to see a shrink to convince yourself to go out with someone who is terrific (on paper).

Maybe do both of you a favor and take a break yourself. If it’s not the same, it’s not the same.

Inky

Hi Lauren,

He doesn’t get to complain about other women to you. Nor does he get to let other people know these women exist while keeping your past relationship with him a secret.

No, really. You are kowtowing to his culture and customs. But what about yours?

What would happen if you said in front of everybody, “Back when Friend and I went out…”?

Tell him you don’t want to hear about his love life and that yours is more an association now, not a friendship.

Word to the Wise: Keep your love life and work life separate from now on!

Best,

Inky

Hi skateordie,

She was mildly unhappy and gave in to fantasies. The problem is fantasies don’t always jibe with reality. It sounds like reality  hit her square in the face when she realized that divorce = no house.

I’m confused about all her sudden stalking and drive byes. She acted like the jealous spouse, kind of like how you could have reacted to her sordid affair (but didn’t if I’m correct). Weird.

To answer you question, sometimes people don’t apologize because to apologize means that they have to first admit to themselves that what they did was wrong. What she did was so wrong that she couldn’t face her own self.

Best,

Inky

Hi Savannah,

Think of it this way: Your BF has to spend a lot of his energy to take care of his mom. His mom wants to spend all her remaining energy being with her son before she (probably?) dies. By resetting, going back home, going back to school, being with your friends ~ and then visiting for a couple weeks every season or so ~ you will also be more relaxed and happy.

Life throws us curveballs. Don’t worry. The world isn’t going anywhere. You will travel with your love one day.

Best,

Inky

Hi JustHere,

It looks like I’m late in replying, but I just want to ask…

Have you moved out yet? You know, you don’t need to tell him when and if you are moving out. Wait until he’s at work, hire some guys (BIG guys, just in case he returns!!) and just do it. It only takes a few hours. Bonus if you don’t tell him your new address. Leave your stuff in storage if you have to.

Leave a physical note (and then promptly block him electronically). Write: “I can’t believe you could convince a young, beautiful girl to move in with you. I moved in with you, despite any doubts and trepidation, purely out of the goodness of my heart. And like the unevolved you managed to blow  it by texting some girl that your living arrangement was “difficult” and then you had the audacity of yelling at me. There was no reason to yell at me, you can talk to me respectfully. Now you can use this well deserved alone time to work on your spirituality. Namaste.”

Please. Just Leave.

Inky

Hi Hemingway,

The right therapist is worth his/her weight in gold. Unfortunately, there are many bad ones. What I would do is:

1. Ask your friends/family if they know of anyone. You might be surprised that the person you would swear would never see a therapist does/did indeed go to one! The same name mentioned by different sources and/or the one most enthusiastically talked about is your guy.

2. Limit it to ten sessions. This is so if you hate it you will keep showing up through the discomfort to perhaps get to a breakthrough. And if you love it you can then reevaluate. Because some people get “stuck” . If you’re seeing the same guy for ten years, how much is it really helping? That’s just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

Good Luck,

Inky