Apologies!

I guess my advice would still apply for two guys:

You are allowed to have preferences for someone who is totally into you. Dancing all over their best friend negates him being totally interested in you. If you feel something is “off” it probably is. And yes, you are allowed to break up with someone because you don’t feel good about the whole thing. Yes, even if you’re “jealous” and “crazy”.

Actually, my daughter went through something similar, only with her BF and his best friend who was a girl. I told her that her jealousy was bred in the bone, that it’s natural. Culture tries to trick us into dishonoring our jealousy and natural instincts. I said that she’s not asking for much. And that she’s not a jealous person by nature. But the BF should cut it out (seeing her alone, etc.). What happened was he said, “I’m not going to stop seeing my best friend because of the principle of the thing!” My DD told him she was taking a break because it’s not working for her. He came back a week later when he realized his principles weren’t keeping him warm at night.

You have to do what’s right for YOU!

Inky

Hi Paul,

You could join others in their search for meaning. Religious and spiritual groups often have several missions going on in helping the community and each other. Even getting involved in your local community center or an event in town can be a start.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Shawn995,

It seems to me that life was best (not good, but best out of the bad) when you were away from home living with your girlfriend after you finished school. Is there a chance you can move back out? It doesn’t even have to be with the girl, it can be at a friend’s house for a while. The anxiety stemmed, I think, from your home life, from that “What am I going to do?” thoughts that were in the air from your mom and grandma over the years.

Best,

Inky

Dear KINDNESS,

As one Lazy Person to another, I salute you!

Now listen: When we die, there is no Gold Star we get in Heaven for being The Most Productive Person.

You have a job and can pay for yourself to do as you wish. If there was something you HAD to do (i.e. go to an appointment), or something you WANTED to do (i.e. something you were passionate about), you would do it. As it is there is nothing you have to do or want to do, so you are “lazy”. Not what we THINK we “have” to do (clean) or “want” to do (save the world). Those we don’t REALLY  do.

Guess what? It’s OK! (My Puritan ancestors are spinning like Rotisserie chickens right now).

I give you permission to Netflix and Chill!

Inky

Hi rosaly,

Is it possible you view your boyfriend more as a “friend” or “sibling” on some level? Like, if it were me, I’d be tempted to think, “My boyfriend really had a lucky beginning. Maybe if it works out he’ll be my husband one day and this too can all be mine!” LOL

Not that I have a gold digger mentality, but that would come to me before jealousy.

But I DO understand the longing and the regret!!

Unfortunately, in this world it is leaning back to how much money your family has and how supported you are rather than how hard you work.

I would suggest pet sitting to supplement your income and to try socking away money in savings and investments. I know it doesn’t seem possible right now, but you will thank yourself later! Is it also possible for you to live with your boyfriend or get roommates? Or go to his supportive parents for financial advice or other advice? I have a feeling that once you are helped, even a little, you will soar!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi helliongoddess,

We are living in The Upside Down. It is inexplicable that Trump is (still) President. But he is. On paper.

What we can do is forge our own reality. In your home Trump can’t touch you. And even if he does (lack of health care that now affects you, fracking in your backyard, etc.) you can still maintain a Trump-free zone. And encourage our young people to become part of the local community and take up causes! Even if you’re house bound, could you take in one immigrant? Or give to your local nature conservatory?

It is maddening, but we deserve our emotional well being. Do your part and don’t give him even a thought.

Best,

Inky

Hi Yvonne,

Well, his sisters will have divided loyalties. Of course they will side with you because you are right, but at the end of the day he is their brother. After (God forbid) a divorce you would be out of the picture but they would always have him, you know?

Also, you don’t know what he’s been telling the sisters.

With the shower, maybe they thought they would reduce the drama by not inviting you.

What I would do going forward is NOT complain to the sisters about your husband. But every year or holiday or so make it a point to visit them or take them out. Maybe each one alone. Have it be all about them. This way they will feel relaxed around you again.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi cleref,

The two solutions are:

1. Hire another man to do it. (They don’t like this and will generally do the task before the guy comes over and then fire them.) Say, “You are so busy, otherwise you would do it so I hired someone.”

2. If it’s something that truly only he can do, let him do it (or not do it) and then watch him fall on their face. I know this is hard.

And in the future don’t go into anything with him that you can’t take charge of yourself. You don’t want to be the nagging wife.

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Inky.