Hi jessv22,

IMO, The only guys you can legitimately be friends with are boys you knew from before you met your BF. But now that you’ve been together for so long, there is probably no one you can be friends with individually. Does that make sense?

His anger… He probably has suspected stuff (that wasn’t true) for a long, long time. And then this third party (do you know who that is?) told him misleading information that made you look irretrievably bad.

Your friendship.. What are we talking about? Was it meeting up for coffee once in a blue moon? Hand holding? Social media Friend? An emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one. The fact that your BF had to hear about it from someone else can be seen as a betrayal in itself.

I’m sorry to say, you coming at him again and again was boundary busting, as if his wishes didn’t matter.

What I would do ~ and I would only do this once ~ is write a note and give it to his mother, explaining it also to her. And in the note write, “It’s a shame you would end a relationship over something I haven’t done based on what someone else with their own agenda would love to think is real. I never was going out with Friend behind your back, but I might as well now.”

Only write the note if you would consider going out with your friend (you might as well!) If not, just talk to the mother (who might calm him down). Then LET IT GO.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Jackie,

You are so conflicted I honestly can’t advise you to do one thing or another. (A first for me! LOL)

I will say this. Your whole post is a big resounding “Yes, but…”

Maybe honor your “but”s. Dare I say move out of the village. Perhaps get a good therapist. By knowing “YOU” inside and out, what makes you tick and why… Plus a good dose of time and distance…

Maybe in a three or four years you two can start over ~ fresh. As old friends turned strangers now becoming new lovers.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi prakashraj,

Feelings are just that: FEELINGS. Next year you might not have feelings for her at all, who knows? Feelings do not mean you get to stalk her, harass her or make her feel bad. Because guess what? She has feelings too. No matter how strong your In Love feelings are, her Indifference trumps that. Every time.

This is what most men do when they know a girl’s out of their league. They “put something in the bank”. They grind. They kill 1000 Level One Rats and in a few years they go up a Level. Which means that whenever they see the girl they smile. Give her a compliment. Wave. Tell her about the party coming up. Help her with her homework. But they do only one of those in a casual way when they bump into her. And never everything at once. And they don’t stalk her.

The other thing people do is give it TIME. She may be all that when she’s in school and young. But after she graduates? Maybe not so much as she’d like to imagine. And later at 30? She’ll be GLAD to run into you as you won’t be “that guy” at college anymore! You will be up several Levels by then!

So let her go for now and maybe in time (I’m talking a year plus) see where she is.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Nekoshema,

It sounds like you don’t often say “No”, and the other person/people feel comfortable for asking you.

Just say you’d love to but you have already have plans, then ask if you could cover for them if they want a day to do errands, etc.

I know what you mean, btw ~ I celebrate/d The Wheel of the Year Holidays (Solstice, Equinox, etc.) but the rest of the world doesn’t get it, and it is considered optional or fringy. I just say “I’m busy” which I am. Or the truth: “I’m having people over/I have to clean.”

The knot of guilt? Think of it this way: This is important to you, and that’s eight friggin’ days out of the year that you are taking time for YOU and your thing! And everyone has “A Thing”.

The best part? Once you say “No” once to someone they are more unlikely to ask you to do something a second time.

Best,

Inky

Hi jenna,

You two could put up a united front. And if you can get other people on the running team to chime in, that would work wonders. Bullies only bully because they can get away with it. If three different people hit him back verbally each three times harder than he bullies your friend, he will stop. Believe me! The social pressure will be too great.

A good line to say to him (in front of everyone) is: “I have two questions. Why are you saying that? And why are YOU saying that?” *you turn to running team* “Am I right??” *Everyone laughs*

*Someone else says* “They’re not laughing with you, they’re laughing at you!”

He will smolder in embarrassment. Let him.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Guys!

OK, Blocking means you can’t find the other person and the other person can’t find you. It’s as if you don’t exist on FB to them.

Unfriend means you don’t see their posts, but you can find their Profile (but not their Posts).

Hide means you don’t see their posts in your Newsfeed but if you look at their Profile you can see their posts.

Inky

Hi pongo,

For a moment forget your past. If you woke up with amnesia and looked around, what would you find? You would find a beautiful wife and daughter, a nice home and a (yes, tedious) job. You would think “GREAT!” So let’s start there.

Everyday cast about for a less tedious job. But don’t pressure yourself. Enjoy the job you have because you know it’ll be temporary.

Every Friday night have Date Night with your wife. Every Saturday have Family Day with your family. And every Sunday Renew Your Spirit. Yes, I’m telling you to join a religious/spiritual community.

Just do those things and see what happens.

Blessings,

Inky

P.S. If you have not had a ritual for your baby, have one! Make one up! Light a candle and talk to her spirit. This will emotionally help your body feel well enough to welcome and nurture a new life should you get pregnant again.