Hi Rideeta,

Are you saying that this person was trying to force his beliefs on to you and that he couldn’t be with you unless you complied?

If you are finding meditation difficult at the moment, have you thought about using guided relaxation products – there are some excellent ones on the market.

Perhaps you should befriend this boy and hang out together more – he may well help you through the next eight months.  What do you think?  Perhaps you will be a little less lonely and have at least one reason to live.

People underestimate the value of breathing correctly – it can alter your whole constitution.  Please pay regular attention to this – the breath of life.

How old were you when you began to have anxiety issues and what was happening in your life at that time?

Peggy

Hello Rideeta,

I am sorry that you have taken your break-up so badly.  Three years is a long time to remain in a state of grief but, as Anita said, it’s tough when you have to continue seeing him.  You really love him but how much do you really love yourself?  If you really loved yourself, would you be putting yourself through so much heartache and pain?  You are lonely and suicidal – you want some kind words.  I wonder how often you are kind to yourself with your words.

You have someone who is in love with you who is kind and nice.  You don’t love him “yet” and you may never love him but you are not giving him a chance because someone who isn’t in love with you and doesn’t want to be kind to you any more still has your affections.  Grieving is a process of letting go.  You are refusing to let go.  Has it ever occurred to you that you can let him go with love?

Where has your anxiety come from?  You mention meditation but do you pay attention to your breathing whilst you meditate.  Are you making sure that your breath enters and inflates your lungs sufficiently?  Easy to check – place one hand at the lower end of your ribcage and ‘breathe’ into it.  You should be able to feel a definite inflation and deflation of your lungs as your breath comes in and out.  You can add words such as “rising” and “falling” as your breath comes in and out – you can add words such as “PEACE” on the in breath and “RELAX” as you breathe out.  Have you been taught to place your feet flat on the floor and connect with Earth before you meditate?  Do you play relaxing music as you drift off to sleep (or not)?

Anita has much more information on drugs, medication, psychotherapy etc. than I have.  It is my feeling that your anxiety began to take shape much longer than three years ago.  How old were you when you met, what reasons did he have for breaking up with you and why is this the be all and end all of life for you?  Feeling lonely and suicidal means you have nothing to live for.  Is that the truth?

I hope your exam goes well for you.

Peggy

Hi Alecsee,

I have read all the posts as well.  Sorry to disappoint you but I don’t have a magic wand to wave that will make it all better.  This is a very short term relationship and you have really been expecting your ex girlfriend to fit into a box that you approve of.  She might very well have been giving you mixed messages but we only have one side of the story.

She should address issues the day they arise!!  How many people can you honestly say do that?  Unrealistic.  If only she’d have told you she was getting upset, you’d have made it all better.  Communication happens on the level of body language, silence, facial expressions, closed doors and so on.

If you meet another introvert you will know exactly how to deal with it!  You will love her unconditionally knowing that you cannot fix all the quirks that she might contain.  You will recognize that she is a unique individual who has chosen to be with you.  You will accept her exactly as she is knowing that in your eyes she is still perfect.

Perhaps what you should really do is take a good long hard look at yourself and ask yourself why you can’t accept people as they are, because you sure as hailstones can’t accept what this woman has said to you with no mixed messages involved.  If she thinks that she cannot meet your needs then you’ve made her feel inferior in some way.  Work on that!

As for winning her heart back, did she really have yours?

I hope I’m wrong and one day you’ll rekindle your lost passions and live happily ever after together.  Perhaps by then you’ll be able to be more honest with yourself and stop dumping all the blame on to this poor woman.

Peggy

Hello Flamingo Pink,

Moving in with your partner and starting a new job are two very big changes to have happened in a short space of time and have probably caused you to become more stressed particularly as your job is not suiting you very well.  Feeling out of control is the root cause of your panic attacks, or anyone else’s for that matter.  Physiologically, you are not maintaining the correct balance between carbon dioxide and oxygen in your body.  You are releasing too much oxygen and retaining too much carbon dioxide which is why panic attack sufferers are advised to breathe in and out of a paper bag until they stabilize.  Another method is to cup your hands over your nose until you stabilize.  Being mindful of your breathing is a great place to begin.  A simple way is to sit quietly with some relaxation music playing and watch your breath as it rises and falls, taking the breath in through your nostrils and down into your lungs and then out again.  The aim is not to alter your breathing but just to observe it.  You might find it changes of its own accord after a few minutes.

Exercise routines such as tai chi and yoga help you become aware of your breath and your body and are very beneficial for lots of reasons and usually include a relaxation period at the end of a session.

Can you remember what was happening in your life when you had your first panic attack?

Peggy

Hello,

Being attractive is a competition is it?  You were born with your looks whatever they may be and your looks, bit by bit, were inherited from people who looked something like you.  If you really want the truth, that means that people who could match you in the looks department managed to have sex, conceive a child, give life to others who then went on to have sex, conceive a child, give life to others who then went on to have sex, conceive a child give life to others who………………………..generation after generation.

Are you a shopaholic for a reason?  Anything to make yourself feel good eh?

Peggy

Hi Lost Soul,

That’s a really positive response to receive from your therapist.  She is able to make eye contact with you and pick up your body language as well as talk to you.  Tiny Buddha only have your words to respond to.  You may have moved on through talking to us and your healing processes may well have begun.  If you are not sure what you think about this comment, then you need to explore that further as you still think you have issues.  In your therapist’s eyes, you are not presenting a problem, and this is a problem for you?

Peggy

Hi Rin,

The words “self loathing” are creating the basis of your depression.  You want to know just how much you can hate yourself.  What if you were to flip your self talk and push self loving to its limits.  You may have been stressed out in the past through over-work but it seems that you are carrying this stress factor with you now.

You don’t have to set aside hours for your meditation etc.  Even whilst at work, in lunch breaks etc. you can give yourself some positive talk or focus on your breathing to calm you down.  10 minute sessions throughout the day could add up to an hour by the evening.  It’s just as beneficial.

Peggy

Hi Ava,

Just be open and honest with your boyfriend.  You are growing and learning about relationships and he has been a part of this process.  You are busy with your life as it is at the moment and you need to spend less time with him.  You are glad that you will still be seeing him at work and you may be able to meet him at some social occasions sometimes but you don’t feel romantically connected to him.

Peggy