What Really Matters
Why Feeling Anxiety Was the Key to My Happiness
“Lean into the discomfort of the work.” ~ Brené Brown
Anxiety was the core of my existence for decades.
When I look back at my life over that time, what comes to mind first is the constant tension in my chest, a knotted stomach, and a lump in my throat.
From the outside, my life looked great. I was college-educated, had a good job, was in a relationship; I lived in a nice place, had a decent car, and enough money to buy organic food and a gym membership.
But I was miserable.
Not only was I anxious all the …
Discovering Pleasure in Movement Instead of Exercising from Fear
“The choice that frees or imprisons us is the choice of love or fear. Love liberates. Fear imprisons.” ~Gary Zukav
I come from a family of runners. When I was a young girl, my father would rouse us out of bed on the weekends to run the three-mile par-course at the local park, competing with my siblings for who could do the most sit-ups at the stations along the route. We would end the event with a bunch of chocolate eclairs from the local 7-11 as a reward.
As benign as this story may be, it describes a pattern of …
What It Really Means to Be There and “Hold Space” for Someone Else
“A healer does not heal you. A healer is someone who holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer, so that you may heal yourself.” ~Maryam Hasnaa
I was sobbing quite hysterically, huddled into myself sitting on the kitchen floor.
It literally felt like my life was falling apart. And so was I.
I had been striving so hard to start a meaningful business that would change the world and help others, as well as heal myself from intense ongoing physical symptoms. But it seemed the harder I tried, the less things worked.
My head bobbed slightly …
Why It’s Not Your Fault You’re in a Toxic Relationship
I remember the first time it dawned on me that I was in an unhealthy relationship. Not just one that was difficult and annoying but one that could actually be described as “toxic.”
It was at a training event for a sexual abuse charity I worked for. I immediately felt like a fraud!
How could I be working there, helping other women get out of their unhealthy relationships and process their pain and trauma, but not realize how unhealthy my own relationship was?
How did I not know?
Typically, as I had always done, I beat myself up over …
Movement, Stillness, and Insight: My 3 Daily Non-Negotiables for a Busy World
“Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.” ~Unknown
We live in a busy world. There is always something, or someone, fighting for our attention. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to lose the time we need for ourselves. The white space in our days is often the first thing to get squeezed out as demands on our time escalate.
To combat this pull to overwhelm, I decided to create a list of daily non-negotiables.
Having a list of non-negotiables means I get to control at least a …
How We Can Overcome Our Obstacles When We Don’t Believe It’s Possible
“If we can see past perceived limitations, then the possibilities are endless.” ~Amy Purdy
Nature inspires me. There are hidden messages consistently on display. On my daily walks, I find myself interpreting these messages in relation to my life.
One day, near the end of my walk, I was paying attention to the trees. A giant one caught my eye. Its magnificence was portrayed as morning sunlight peeked through the branches and bright green leaves.
I noticed the enormity of its trunk, and then I saw the crooked fence.
The giant tree trunk had grown so big that it pushed …
How a Simple Morning Routine Helped Me Heal from PTSD and Grief
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” ~Frederick Douglass
In an eighteen-month window, I had a landslide of firsts that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
I ended my first long-term relationship with someone I deeply cared for but did not love. She had borderline personality disorder, and I was not mentally strong enough nor mature enough to be what she needed in a partner. Within five minutes of me saying our relationship was over, she slit her wrist as we sat there in bed. This was the beginning of it all.
Drug overdoses, online personal …
The One Simple Decision That Freed Me from Social Anxiety
“I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~Nelson Mandela
A few years ago, I attended what most people with social anxiety would call a nightmare event—a wedding.
Although I was surrounded by familiar faces because it was my cousin’s wedding, I was also surrounded by dozens of people I didn’t know.
It really was a tremendous weekend looking back. I got to enjoy a wonderful round of golf at a beautiful course with my family. …
How to Trust Yourself After the Trauma of Being Dismissed and Invalidated
“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.” ~Steve Jobs
I was a sensitive child growing up, and I felt everything deeply. Unfortunately, my childhood home was dominated by chronic tension, fear, and anger—not an ideal environment for anyone, let alone a perceptive and empathic child.
My father was rather authoritative and controlling, and he disciplined us harshly. I was raised to obey without questioning and punished for mistakes or not falling in line.
Love was only assumed but never shared, and so I grew up feeling alone, unsupported, …
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