Perhaps the most important step in habit changing is to first accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all. Those imperfections are what make us human. Instead of talking yourself down, try treating yourself as you would a loved one. Be forgiving, and realize that wherever you are right now, it’s okay. You’re more likely to succeed in making changes if they’re coming from a place of self-respect rather than self-hatred.
Search Results for "self-hatred" — 67 posts
For People Who Look in the Mirror and Cringe
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown
When I was fourteen years old, I vividly remember the first time I put my fingers down my throat and made myself puke.
I remember feeling fat, ugly, unworthy, and like I was not good enough. I felt as if I had no control and I was unable to effectively process the strong emotions I was feeling. Binging and purging allowed me to temporarily release these feelings, to numb them out, and created a fallacy of control …
Love Yourself, on Valentine’s Day and Always
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” Brené Brown
Growing up I watched my grandparents’ relationship with longing. They anticipated each other’s needs, they did small loving gestures for each other every day, and they put the other first without resentment. I longed to have a relationship like theirs one day and meet someone who understood me the way they understood each other.
In contrast, I observed the relationship between my parents. My mother was constantly in a state of panic trying desperately to please my father. Her actions …
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peace and presence
with Tiny Buddha's Mindfulness Kit.
Includes 3 FREE guides for daily calm!
Hi friends! It's Lori, the founder of Tiny Buddha.
People who know me think I'm a pretty calm person. And I am-some of the time. Sometimes I'm a well-disguised ball of anxiety silently seething and ready to snap. But fortunately, I have a tool at my disposal that helps me find peace and presence when I'm
Be Kind, Retrain Your Mind: 3 Tips to Overcome Negative Self-Talk
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha
In 1990, in an early encounter between the Dalai Lama, the foremost Tibetan teacher of Buddhism, and Western students, the Dalai Lama was asked a question about how to deal with self-hatred. He was confused and didn’t understand the question. The translator translated the question again, and still the Dalai Lama was confused.
Finally, the Dalai Lama understood that the question was about how to manage negative feelings about the self. This was a new concept to him: he knew that people had negative …
What Expecting to Die Young Taught Me About Living a Happy Life
“I’ve come to trust not that events will always unfold exactly as I want, but that I will be fine either way. The challenges we face in life are always lessons that serve our soul’s growth.” ~ Marianne Williamson
At the age of nine, I was sitting in a doctor’s office at Baylor University with both of my parents when we were all told I wouldn’t live to see twenty-three. The doctor casually told us my dad would probably never get to walk me down the aisle and I’d likely never make my mom a grandmother, but there was great …
Lessons from a Life Lost Too Soon: Don’t Let Your Inner Critic Destroy You
“What you tell yourself every day will lift you up or tear you down. Choose wisely.” ~Unknown
It was a story I just couldn’t get out of my head. A young teen had died in a town not far from where I live, a town where I used to live. I knew people who had kids who knew this girl.
I heard she was a swimmer, bright and popular. At first the talk was about how she’d died. I heard someone surmise that she was killed. Someone else said it was a horrible accident, and of course, there were murmurings …
How I Learned to Trust Others by Learning to Trust Myself
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” ~Frank Crane
I’ve had trust issues for as long as I can remember, but didn’t realize it until after my divorce.
Divorce can be a traumatic experience, and in this case, it made me begin to take stock of my life. I began to reflect on my failed romantic relationships and why this was a repeat pattern for me.
I realized then that I never let people in for fear they will let me down, belittle or make me feel …
Why “Focus on the Bright Side” Isn’t Helpful Advice
There are so many memes and quotes out there that say, “Be positive, not negative. Focus on the bright side.” I’ve never been very good at ignoring the negatives and focusing on the positives.
Call me a critical, over-analytical over-thinker if you want, but at no point in my journey of self-love and self-discovery have I learned to ignore all my flaws, all my mistakes, all my regrets. At no point in my journey of compassion have I learned to ignore all the times that someone has hurt me or all the destruction caused by abuse. That never felt right …
Everyone’s Doing The Best That They Can
“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” ~Brené Brown
My favorite principle is this simple truth: Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have. Adopting this belief has radically changed my relationship to myself and to others.
This idea has been explored by a constellation of religious, spiritual, and wellness practitioners. As Deepak Chopra said, “People are doing the best that they can from …
What Helped Me Love and Accept My Imperfect Body
“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” ~Amy Bloom
“Just look at yourself!”
“That chubby face, those massive hips and thighs. The stumpy legs.”
“No wonder he doesn’t love you anymore. No wonder he left you for her! She is so much prettier than you are.”
I stood in front of the mirror. Tears streamed down my face. My body was shaking uncontrollably as I stared at it in disgust.
Resentment and anger accumulated in my chest. Heavy, dark, and painful, the all-consuming emotions tried to crush me. My throat felt tight, I couldn’t breathe, my …
Everyone Has Struggles, So Don’t Stigmatize Yourself
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~Brené Brown
From a psychological point of view, my childhood sucked.
I didn’t have many friends, I rarely left the house, I was terribly shy, and I used to get bullied a lot, both physically and mentally.
My teenage years weren’t any different. The psychological issues I had as a child amplified further and created more profound problems.
When I started college, I didn’t magically become more confident or develop high self-esteem. I was almost the same person.
Now, I proudly (and humbly) can say …
How I Uncovered the Root Cause of My Social Anxiety (and Finally Healed)
“I want to dare to exist, and more than that, to live audaciously, in all my imperfect, lumpy, scarred glory, because the alternative is letting shame win.” ~Shauna Niequist
I kept my head down. Staring at my plate of food.
I could hear the laughter of the other people around the table—work colleagues, my bosses, a couple of high-profile clients. They were having a great time, enjoying the company and their expensive meals.
I felt light-headed and clammy as I battled to fake a calm and relaxed appearance. My fingernails left painful, crimson marks where I dug them into my …
How Expectations Can Drive People Away and How to Let Go of Control
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ~Friedrich Salomon Perls
About five years ago, I had a falling out with a close friend. I was irritated because she didn’t do the things I thought she should and she didn’t give as much as I did. I felt I had been very generous with her, and I expected her to do the same. I felt she owed me.
My anger became unmanageable and started seeping into pretty much every interaction we had. She began cancelling dinner …
Accept and Value Yourself: 11 Ways to Embrace Who You Are
“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown
I can’t remember exactly what it was my friend was trying to convince me I could do, but I had an argument to counter every bit of encouragement. There was no shortage to the ways I believed I wasn’t good enough.
She was trying to help me see myself the way she saw me—as someone smart, capable, and full of potential. I wasn’t buying it.
I’d been pretending for so long to be a better person than I really believed myself to …
The Fascinating Reason We Fear Rejection and the Key to Acceptance
“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” ~Steven Pressfield
“We need to talk to you.”
I looked up from my book. The other thirteen girls in my class had assembled around me.
Part of me was annoyed that they interrupted Indiana Jones’s latest adventure. But another part couldn’t shake the feeling that I was facing the sixth grade execution squad. My heart began to beat faster, my shoulders tensed, and sickening fear spread through my body.
“We don’t like …
How a Terrified, Socially Anxious Guy Became Relaxed and Confident
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl
Life is hell… or so I thought for most of my thirty-four years.
My intense social anxiety, an over-the-top and uncontrollable fear of people and social situations, ruined much of my young life. I operated completely alone, living only inside my own head, without even realizing it.
Now, it’s rare that I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. And I face multiple difficult decisions, discussions, and even confrontations …
Why “Be Positive” Isn’t the Best Advice When You’re Down
“Learn the alchemy true human beings know. The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.” ~Rumi
As much as I tried to apply personal development ideas in my life, I failed big time.
All the affirmations in the world couldn’t make me love myself.
The more I tried to “be present,” the more all-over-the-place my mind became, getting lost in overthinking.
Mindfulness didn’t work for me either. Observing my thoughts got me to chase each and every thought and analyze it. When I tried “letting go,” I just held on tighter.
This was …
When Fear and Panic Win: How to Deal with Anxiety
“Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once. Breathe. You’re strong. You got this. Take it day by day.” ~Karen Salmansohn
As much as I believe that you can move through fear to do whatever it is that you want to do, sometimes fear wins.
Sometimes, try as you might, you can’t push yourself forward. You retreat, worn, battle scarred, banged up, and with your tail between your legs.
You wave your white flag. You surrender.
Fear wins.
But it is in this moment of loss that you can learn some very important things.…
When Things Don’t Work Out: Who Knows If It’s Good or Bad?
“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins
I recently received a rejection letter for a voluntary role befriending and supporting a child in the care system. I was excited at the prospect of supporting a child who had likely been through a lot, and had been quietly confident that I would be great in the role.
After all, I am an emotionally responsible, fun-loving, deeply caring adult who had lived through a ton of difficulty: addiction and alcoholism (my own and my mother’s); growing up in …
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