“It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau
Four years ago, I couldn’t relax to save my life. The ability to slow down completely eluded me. I could start a company, train a pit bull, or hike 12 miles, but I sucked at taking a day off.
Looking back, I now know that I was terrified. I was certain that if I slowed down I would never get going again. “My ‘to do’ list will fall apart! My friends and clients will be angry with me! My …
“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.” ~Ayn Rand
For too many years, I played the part of the perfect little southern girl: I kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. I dressed properly, including panty hose, slips, and girdles. I didn’t laugh too loudly in public. I did what I was told.
You see, I learned at an early age that I had to do this in order to always be seen as a “good little girl” (and avoid getting punished). I continued the same behavior after I got …
“We find comfort among those who agree with us—growth among those who don’t.” ~Frank A. Clark
This post is for anyone who has ever disagreed with the people they love the most, to remind them that these disagreements do not have to lead to regret.
Indeed, they can lead to our deepest growth if we so choose.
But I’m getting ahead of myself…
Hi. My name is Sabrina, and despite my best intentions, I don’t always have the most harmonious conversations.
When it comes to my family, especially my parents, my ego struggles with second-guessing their words, choices, and actions, …
“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” ~Joan Borysenko
Right now I’m in a tight squeeze. I’m in the process of making some big changes, and it’s bringing a lot of chaos, uncertainty, insecurities, and fears into my life, as changes will do.
One of my deepest desires is to be able to look chaos in any form, of any magnitude, square in the eye, and levitate up to the next level of not letting any of the anarchy affect my inner homeostasis. Whatever the drama—work, family, friends, worldly, financial, school, natural disasters—I don’t …
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah
I made it my New Year’s resolution to forgive someone for his past actions. Unfortunately, he’s not here to know.
My dad passed away from cancer last September. There are times I miss him a lot; other times, it’s nice to have peace in my life.
We never got along. My mother and others told me it was because we were too much alike, but I knew that was not the case.
That’s …
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~C.S. Lewis
Growing up, people always saw me as the over-achiever and said, “That girl is really going to make something of herself one day.”
I often felt the pressure of having to live up to these expectations.
I recently turned 30 and it was a day of reflection for me. I always had this idea that by the time I turned 30, I’d be one of the top celebrities in South Africa, living the life of a talented singer, a self-made millionaire, driving a …
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau
Another day, another class missed, another alarm turned off. No motivation but to turn the pillow over to its colder side and lay there half asleep, unanswered questions gliding in and out of my mind.
This was how most of my mornings went in my last days of college. I had never been too motivated by the promise of college, even in high school, but it had always been set in my head that a college degree was my goal, my path to that elusive happiness …
“If you’re not terrified of the next step, you eyes are still closed. A caged bird in a boundless sky.” ~Jed McKenna
It was day two of living at the Zen Center. Sitting on the side of the dirt path, I had my head buried in my knees.
“I can’t do this babe,” I cried to my husband.
Just 12 days prior to this, I was a corporate banker and real estate agent in Phoenix. Now, I was a full-time Zen student deep in the mountains of Carmel Valley, working in the dining room and serving summer resort guests.
“I’ve …
“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen
I know now that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t even have to try to be perfect. I used to think that things did not come to me because I did not try hard enough. Not true!
The truth was, I was sabotaging myself.
In college in Switzerland, instead of going to that school event or even answering the people who tried to talk to me, I shut myself down and ignored people.
I was afraid of being rejected …
“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron
The idea of an open future can be thrilling. What lies before us often feels as though it’s just waiting to be written by a mix of our personal willpower and luck.
Lately, however, the reality of uncertainty has been frightening me. The lack of anything certain to grab onto has destabilized me in a way it never has before.
You see, as we move around the calendar year, the day darkening quickly and the temperatures dropping, I am circling back to what was a …
“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” ~Brother David Steindl-Rast
In the summer of 1993, my father was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.
He was only fifty-eight. Still just a kid.
This was a devastating development, to say the least. Things had already been challenging for my family for several years before this blow.
Dad had lost his corporate banking job in Boston—quite unjustly, in our view—kicking off a nearly three-year-long bout of unemployment.
This was not an easy time for our family, but we …
“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Stress, strain, tension, worry, overwhelm, nerves, feeling wound up, freaking out. Whatever we call it, the effects are universal.
Our adrenals rev up, uneasy thoughts cycle on the brain’s hamster wheel, butterflies flitter in the stomach, our moods swing. There are many different ways that stress manifests, and none of them are particularly enjoyable.
Stress is basically an emotion. It’s the way we feel when things aren’t going our way. “Things” can be as insignificant as feeling annoyed because we woke up two minutes …
“Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors.” ~Dalai Lama
If you get married today, there is a 60% chance that your relationship won’t last. Is finding true love really that hard or is there something else going on?
A research group from the Heriot-Watt University found that many people have a “warped sense of the perfect relationship” and “unrealistic expectations from their romantic partner.” They concluded that they got these unrealistic expectations from Hollywood love stories.
These movies have us longing for a Cinderella or Prince Charming who will sweep us off our …
“I have done my best. That is all the philosophy of living one needs.” ~Lin-yutang
Perfectionism—the word brings to mind images of order and organization, of effectiveness and efficiency. This is what society expects from a “perfectionist,” and this is what is projected as desirable and attainable. There is an aspirational value to being a “perfectionist.”
Many people believe that perfectionistic tendencies motivate people to do their best and achieve their goals.
However, I can vouch for the fact that it actually feels like being caught in a trap. There is a feeling of suffocation and dread at not being …
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” ~Karen Kaiser Clark
Change happens.
It’s often unnoticed, or it may simply be a slight nuisance. It’s sometimes uncomfortable, or excruciatingly painful. Once in a while, it’s life-changing. But it’s also transforming.
Sometimes I awake in the morning or I simply look out the window into the woods, and I realize I’m not the person I was the day before, or even a moment ago.
That realization brings me such pleasure, to know that I am becoming a better version of me than I was. The newness, the now-ness, the opportunities to …
“Peace begins with a smile.” ~Mother Theresa
Minor things can trigger bad days, whether it’s a having a tiff with your roommate, getting stuck in traffic, or just waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
As a fitness instructor, I’ve found that one negative comment from a member in a class can completely derail an otherwise happy day.
Someone in one of my fitness classes once griped about my music selection after what I thought was an amazing class. It almost drained my entire high, but after hearing from the other 99.9% of the class that was sweaty …
“He who is brave is free.” ~Seneca
We all know what debt is. Some of us, most of us, still have a few we’re paying off.
Student loans, car payments, mortgages.
But what about the unseen debts, debts that are invisible to the naked eye but instead live within our hearts?
There are many invisible debts we pay—debts that are alive within us from the past: The father who walked out when we were little, whose approval we’re still seeking. The mother who was over critical, so we overwork ourselves to prove that we’re good enough. The time someone humiliated …
“To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is: a dissatisfaction with self.” ~Joan Didion
For a few years in the late 90s, I had a date with the green-eyed monster every other Monday at 6:00 PM on the dot.
That was when my women artists support group met in my friend Anne’s studio.
For those three hours, like clockwork, the envy monster took over my body, mind, and spirit.
Oh, how I wanted a studio like Anne’s! Wide open space for her to paint, high ceilings, natural light through clerestory windows, a small office for her computer …
“Pain is not a sign of weakness, but bearing it alone is a choice to grow weak.” ~Lori Deschene
In February of 2011, I went to see my doctor because I was suffering from severe headaches that I figured were associated with using computers all day at my law job. After having a few tests, the doctor said that I wasn’t doing well and he suggested that I take a leave from work to focus on my health.
The next few months, I found myself in and out of doctors’ offices, medical labs, and hospitals on a weekly basis. With …
“Your actions are your only true belongings.” ~Allan Lokos
I used to be the kind of girl who relished stable and perfect surroundings. I fanned my magazines. I scrubbed the inside of the refrigerator.
I worked tirelessly to cultivate the external environment that I was lacking inside.
Externally, things were in order. The bills were paid. The laundry was folded.
Internally, I was a voracious black hole of yearning.
I consumed everything that was closest to me—food, love, validation—in an attempt to fill the void that I experienced on a daily basis. That feeling of not being enough, of …
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