You Learned to Fight
How I Calm and Release Intense Emotions of Anger, Sadness, and Frustration
“You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a ‘negative person.’ It makes you human.” ~Lori Deschene
In November, I was on an emotional roller coaster full of sudden, unexplainable fits of anger—hysterically crying for no reason, barely sleeping, feeling urges to physically kick, hit, and scream.
One of the main triggers was when my partner would go out without me.
He’d go out with his friends to play pool, and I would immediately shut down, shut him out, and turn inward.…
How to Heal through Metaphor: Tap into the Secret Language of Your Brain
“As soon as I allow the Universe to replace my fear-based beliefs with new perceptions, I receive a miracle.” ~Gabby Bernstein
As I was packing up my mother’s nursing home room after her death, I found a little heart-shaped stone that had the word “serenity” on it. I took it back to California with me, and I hold it frequently. It’s heavy, solid, and soothing, and it reminds me of her.
I love the weight of that little stone.
When we’re grieving, heavy things are comforting. It’s not surprising that when we want to release stress, many people go …
4 Types of Regret and How to Leverage Them for a More Fulfilling Life
“Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up.” ~Daniel H. Pink
It happened when I reached midlife.
I’d experienced regret before, but this was different.
In my forties, I struggled with several deep-seated regrets all at the same time.
And I didn’t handle it well.
If only I hadn’t chosen to fall into unhealthy habits that were hard to break, like smoking cigarettes …
How Following Our Instincts Now Can Protect Us from Pain Down the Line
“There is a voice inside of you that whispers all day long, I feel this is right for me, I know that this is wrong. No teacher, preacher, parent, friend or wise man can decide what’s right for you. Just listen to the voice that speaks inside.” ~Shel Silverstein
Some time ago, a guy I knew suggested I go swimming with him and a friend of his. I accepted.
I didn’t know him well. Sometimes he would say hello and be warm, while other times he would ignore me. Since he was a longtime friend of a girl I knew, …
7 Comforting Thoughts That Helped Me Build Self-Confidence
“Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.” ~Unknown
I had done it again.
I had managed to talk myself out of doing something because I wasn’t completely certain I would be successful at it.
I was an expert at sidelining myself—keeping myself from going after the things I truly wanted. I knew, by heart, all the reasons I wasn’t good enough to achieve my goals in life. I had subconsciously decided that my own personal growth and success weren’t worth the risk of failure or rejection.
As a result, …
How Feeling Out of Control as a Kid Led Me to an Eating Disorder
In many cultures, food is an expression of love. Sometimes, as was the case for me growing up as a child of immigrants, food might be the only expression of love.
My parents were not very affectionate or communicative about love. My dad gives classic awkward-dad hugs, where he pats your back with self-conscious uncertainty from a good foot and a half away. My mom hit me so frequently and unexpectedly that my body learned to flinch anytime she got too close.
My childhood was punctuated by seasons of my mom’s depression. Ramen and Pizza Hut boxes marked how long …
How I Stopped Feeling Exhausted by Other People’s Needs and Feelings
“An empath is a person highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them. Empaths feel what another person is feeling at a deep emotional level.” ~Leah Campbell
When I learned the word empath about ten years ago, it felt like the most amazing relief. I thought to myself, yes, that’s me! Finally, an explanation as to why people exhausted me so much. A reason why I had the ability to read people in an instant and was always in the throes of helping, listening, or supporting other people’s crises.
But now I no longer believe that definition.…
Leaving an Abusive Relationship: What I’ve Learned and How I’ve Moved On
“Sometimes things have to go wrong before they can go right. Sometimes we have to let the wrong people walk out before we allow the right people to walk in. Sometimes we have to feel weak in order to know what it’s like to feel strong. Sometimes you have to be broken to realize you’ll never be shattered.” ~Unknown
Leaving is the hardest part—that’s what they say, right? I don’t know if I agree. It takes courage to get out, but the healing process can be brutal.
It’s an ongoing process that seeps into every aspect of my daily life. …
How I Stopped Feeling Like an Outsider by Being Honest with Myself
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Bernard M. Baruch
As a young boy, maybe in fourth or fifth grade, I came to the realization that I was an outsider.
I didn’t like playing video games after school, I played basketball while the other boys played soccer, and most of all, I didn’t like the unpleasant and sometimes bullying tone that had formed amongst my good friends.
One good friend in particular—let’s call him Theo—I considered to be my best friend.
For years, we celebrated birthdays, …
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