Let People Do What They Want to Do
4 Types of Regret and How to Leverage Them for a More Fulfilling Life
“Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up.” ~Daniel H. Pink
It happened when I reached midlife.
I’d experienced regret before, but this was different.
In my forties, I struggled with several deep-seated regrets all at the same time.
And I didn’t handle it well.
If only I hadn’t chosen to fall into unhealthy habits that were hard to break, like smoking cigarettes …
How Following Our Instincts Now Can Protect Us from Pain Down the Line
“There is a voice inside of you that whispers all day long, I feel this is right for me, I know that this is wrong. No teacher, preacher, parent, friend or wise man can decide what’s right for you. Just listen to the voice that speaks inside.” ~Shel Silverstein
Some time ago, a guy I knew suggested I go swimming with him and a friend of his. I accepted.
I didn’t know him well. Sometimes he would say hello and be warm, while other times he would ignore me. Since he was a longtime friend of a girl I knew, …
7 Comforting Thoughts That Helped Me Build Self-Confidence
“Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.” ~Unknown
I had done it again.
I had managed to talk myself out of doing something because I wasn’t completely certain I would be successful at it.
I was an expert at sidelining myself—keeping myself from going after the things I truly wanted. I knew, by heart, all the reasons I wasn’t good enough to achieve my goals in life. I had subconsciously decided that my own personal growth and success weren’t worth the risk of failure or rejection.
As a result, …
How Feeling Out of Control as a Kid Led Me to an Eating Disorder
In many cultures, food is an expression of love. Sometimes, as was the case for me growing up as a child of immigrants, food might be the only expression of love.
My parents were not very affectionate or communicative about love. My dad gives classic awkward-dad hugs, where he pats your back with self-conscious uncertainty from a good foot and a half away. My mom hit me so frequently and unexpectedly that my body learned to flinch anytime she got too close.
My childhood was punctuated by seasons of my mom’s depression. Ramen and Pizza Hut boxes marked how long …
How I Stopped Feeling Exhausted by Other People’s Needs and Feelings
“An empath is a person highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them. Empaths feel what another person is feeling at a deep emotional level.” ~Leah Campbell
When I learned the word empath about ten years ago, it felt like the most amazing relief. I thought to myself, yes, that’s me! Finally, an explanation as to why people exhausted me so much. A reason why I had the ability to read people in an instant and was always in the throes of helping, listening, or supporting other people’s crises.
But now I no longer believe that definition.…
Leaving an Abusive Relationship: What I’ve Learned and How I’ve Moved On
“Sometimes things have to go wrong before they can go right. Sometimes we have to let the wrong people walk out before we allow the right people to walk in. Sometimes we have to feel weak in order to know what it’s like to feel strong. Sometimes you have to be broken to realize you’ll never be shattered.” ~Unknown
Leaving is the hardest part—that’s what they say, right? I don’t know if I agree. It takes courage to get out, but the healing process can be brutal.
It’s an ongoing process that seeps into every aspect of my daily life. …
How I Stopped Feeling Like an Outsider by Being Honest with Myself
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Bernard M. Baruch
As a young boy, maybe in fourth or fifth grade, I came to the realization that I was an outsider.
I didn’t like playing video games after school, I played basketball while the other boys played soccer, and most of all, I didn’t like the unpleasant and sometimes bullying tone that had formed amongst my good friends.
One good friend in particular—let’s call him Theo—I considered to be my best friend.
For years, we celebrated birthdays, …
How I Found Peace After Feeling Disregarded and Disrespected
“Self-care is also not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” ~Ayishat A. Akanbi⠀
It was an early evening in late June of 2020. My housemate and I were eating sushi in our backyard while crickets tuned up for their nightly symphony around us.
To our right loomed a voluminous green tree, imposing in height but with a texture (furry and cuddly like a Sesame Street character) that made it seem friendly.
I could’ve really used a friendly creature right then.
Hours earlier we’d found out that our housemate—who’d contracted COVID while on vacation with a fourth housemate—would …
Stop Catastrophizing: How to Retrain Your Brain to Stress and Worry Less
“Don’t believe everything you think.” ~Unknown
A couple of years ago, I entered a depressive state as I sat through many long, eventless days while on partial disability due to a bilateral hand injury. I was working one to two hours a day max in my job, per doctor’s orders. The medical experts couldn’t say if or when I would feel better.
As I sat in pain on my sofa, day after day, running out of new TV series to occupy my time, I couldn’t help but catastrophize my future.
What’ll happen if I can’t use the computer again? My …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.