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Posts tagged with “accept”

The Pain Won’t Stop Until You Accept What Is

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“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti

Life is sometimes ridiculously hard. It sucks. It rips out your heart and your entrails, spins them around the room, and stuffs them back in unceremoniously through the hole from which they were ripped.

And it expects you to smile and carry on. People expect you to carry on. Because that is what we think people do.

I felt like this a few years ago when my marriage ended. Luckily, I had good people around me. They didn’t expect that from me.

I, …

What to Do When Things Go Wrong and You Feel Sorry for Yourself

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“We can always choose to perceive things differently. We can focus on what’s wrong in our life, or we can focus on what’s right.” ~Marianne Williamson

I was down in the dumps the other day and was feeling sorry for myself.

For some reason everything was just off. You know when you have one of those days when nothing seems to go right? And you get easily irritated and extra sensitive with everything?

It all began the night before. I was expecting a call from a guy who I’ve been getting to know. He said he was going to call …

How Losing All Hope Can Be Freedom

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“Losing all hope was freedom.” ~Edward Norton in Fight Club

We naturally think of hope as a positive thing, as we do freedom, but this quote says that losing hope brings freedom. It may seem contradictory, but losing hope has been my most unexpected lifesaver.

My Mental Breakdown

I struggled with severe anxiety four years ago. The onset was abrupt.

Until I was twenty-five, I was the healthiest person I knew. I never got sick, would play basketball six hours straight, and always felt great. That changed suddenly in 2011.

I woke up one morning with an itchy spot on …

5 Love Lessons to Help Your Relationship Thrive

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“Some people come into your life as blessings. Others come into your life as lessons.” ~Mother Teresa

Going by experience, I should have been petrified of men and marriage.

Forced into an arranged marriage at twenty, something that is common in India, it took me over a decade to draw up the courage to leave a toxic, abusive situation and to chart my own path in a conservative society, with two little kids to fend for.

But due to an inner conviction in the workings of a larger universe, I somehow made it through with my sense of wonder (and …

You Were (and Are) More Beautiful Than You Think

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“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” ~Kahlil Gibran

Does a loved one have a favorite photo of you? A photo by their bedside or on their screensaver that reminds them of a special time and place and memory?

Can I also hazard a guess that this isn’t your favorite photo of yourself? I bet you look at yourself critically and dislike how your face looks, or maybe your body is not cast in its most flattering light. I was reminded of this recently, and it made me think of how I view photos …

Stop Trying to Blend In: The Simple Secret to Being Yourself

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“Be yourself—not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” ~Henry David Thoreau

How many times have people told you to just be yourself? A million times perhaps.

How many times have you felt able to do this?

Until a few months ago, I thought this was frighteningly hollow advice, like “Don’t worry.” And I had no clue how to be myself. What does it even mean?

The Simple Secret to Being Yourself

My friend continuously tells me that being yourself means doing things you want to do and not caring about what others …

The Path to Freedom: Facing Painful Thoughts and Feelings

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“Life is an endless process of self-discovery.” ~James Gardner

My thoughts lately have been so hurtful.

Things like: I’m not a good writer. I’m ugly. I’m stupid.

I’m not funny. I can’t carry a meaningful conversation. I’ll never be special.

The world is out to get me. People take advantage of me. I’m boring and don’t matter.

Like I said, hurtful. Crippling, demoralizing thoughts. One not-so-nice thing after another, and it makes me want to cry.

Why the pain? Why the negative thoughts? Well, recently I spent two weeks playing a video game.   From the time I walked through …

How to Handle Life: Get Out of Your Critical Head

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“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There was a time when I lived almost completely inside myself. I couldn’t handle much of the outside world.

Yes, I am an introvert, but back then, I had such low self-esteem that the only place I felt safe was inside my own head. I had a low tolerance for problems and mistakes. I was life intolerant.

Yet, my inner world wasn’t exactly a peaceful sanctuary; it was a cold, discomforting, and harsh place to be. Mainly because I was fat. Or so I thought. I …

How to Cope When People Disappoint You

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“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” ~Alexander Pope

Growing up, I had a wonderful relationship with my mother. We did all the usual mother-daughter things together—went shopping, had brunch—and we supported each other when my father left.

In 2011, I was happily pregnant. I felt supported by my family and ready to take on motherhood. My husband and I were elated by the birth of our little boy.

It’s fair to say that I may have been a little naïve about what was to come. I knew it would be hard work, but I …

We All Deserve to Receive What We Need (and It’s Not Selfish)

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“We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving…Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.” ~Alexander McCall Smith

We all know the importance of giving. In fact, it feels rather nice to give to others; we have all experienced that warm glow in the stomach when we do something thoughtful for another person or exchange kind words. To make someone smile is one of the best feelings in the world.

But sometimes, do we get so caught up in …

Radically Accept What Is Instead of Labeling it “Good” or “Bad”

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“The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.” ~Tara Brach

I was in the heart of my Ph.D. program when I received the diagnoses: OCD, depression, and binge eating disorder.

It explained a lot, of course. All those years of anxiety, self-doubt, and intrusive thoughts were not normal after all. Eating to the point of gaining forty pounds in a few months was foreign to most people.

I wanted an explanation. Why me?

I had done everything right: I made a decent living, I was kind to everyone, and I was presenting my scientific …

How to Let Go of Expectations: Lessons from My Dog

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“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” ~Tom Robbins

Have you ever finally gotten something you longed for only to find that things didn’t work out as expected?

I know I have.

I firmly believed that having a dog was the answer to some of my desires, such as having more meaning in my life and receiving love on demand from another life.

I bought into irrefutable sayings like, “Dogs love unconditionally,” and, “Dogs are man’s best friend,” and, “Dogs are loyal.”

As it turns out, the reality can be very different. And yes, those …

You Are Not Your Thoughts and Feelings, and They Don’t Have to Bring You Down

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“Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

Think about the future! Don’t do something you’ll regret! You need to plan for tomorrow! I wish I hadn’t done that! Will things ever work out? Why did they do that? Will I ever find happiness? Why has life made me the way I am? What’s wrong with me?

Around and around it went inside my mind, a never-ending internal conversation full of questions and uncertainties—the not knowing driving me insane …

Do You Think You Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted?

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“What you resist, persists.” ~C.G. Jung

There it is: Perfection, Eureka!—the holy grail of achievement, like an elusive mirage in the middle of a desert or that pesky little pot of gold we are always hunting for at the end of the rainbow, purring with all of its possibilities, protection, and promise.

Yet, despite its charm and the value we tend to assign to the trait, as well as on those who possess it, perfectionism ultimately leads to the same destination. In striving for perfection, we may soon find ourselves disappointed, dissatisfied, and even sometimes, knee-deep in suffering and denial, …

When You’re Hurting and Healing: Give Yourself a Break

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“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown

Often these days, I would like nothing more than to move forward. If I could only figure out which way was forward, I would definitely start heading in that direction. If you couldn’t already tell, I’m going through a break-up, the most major break-up of my life so far.

Again, I’m often disappointed that if I were to check a box to describe my “relationship status” it would most likely be “It’s complicated.”…

Why You Don’t Need to Eliminate Self-Doubt and Fear

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“The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.” ~Unknown

Self-doubt has been a companion that has followed me around like a trained dog follows his master. Every step I’ve made outside of my comfort zone, it’s been there, right beside me.

Moving from Germany to England to attend high school, I was full of high hopes and aspirations. But despite my intensive English course and hard work, I could hardly understand anyone in the first few weeks.

Feeling left high and dry by my so-called “English skills,” I …

3 Surefire Ways to Embrace Being Different

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“To be nobody but yourself in a world doing its best to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human can ever fight and never stop fighting.” ~e.e. cummings

I’m gay. I’m married to a woman and we have a beautiful daughter together. I also have an ex–boyfriend that I was with for quite a significant time. Most of my friends are straight, and I thought I was too until about five years ago when I fell in love with my now-wife.

It was a crazy time, and I suddenly had to deal with being different…

A Mindful Way to Find Relief from the Pain of Envy

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“The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.” ~Unknown

Envy is such an overpowering and overwhelming feeling, often something hidden, or masked by a smiley face, or fuelled into rage and resentment. I’ve experienced all of these emotions in my life, and as I neared my fortieth birthday, I felt that I could not go on. I was crippled by the “envy story” stuck on repeat mode inside my mind.

As I watched friends and family swoop by me in terms of outer achievements and success, the envy …

From Loathing to Love: What Makes Us Feel Worthwhile

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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown 

My healing journey can be described through what I call the “self formula”:

Self-Doubt > Self-Loathing > Self-Destruction > Self-Awareness > Self-Love

Mine is the oldest story in the book. Adolescent angst. Mental deception. Physical revulsion. I feel fat. No, scratch that. I am fat. This girl in the mirror is ruining my life. Woe is me.

Groundbreaking drama, right? How original of me to “feel fat.” Surely, you’ve never heard that complaint before.

Except it wasn’t just a complaint. I …

When We Try to Change Others and Avoid Ourselves

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“I’ve discovered that you can’t change people. They can change themselves.” ~Jim Rohn

This is indeed a fact—a fact I took a long time to learn.

You may argue that we help each other change, and it’s true. But the deepest truth is that only we are responsible for our own growth.

The most difficult work is the seemingly minuscule shift from resistance to willingness, which allows us to face the difficult things we’ve been hiding from, and only we can do this for ourselves. 

I had boyfriends who had issues. One of them lacked ambition; he was already lost …