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Posts tagged with “happy”

Celebrate Your Strengths Instead of Pushing Yourself to Be Better

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“Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” ~Epictetus

Performance reviews. Assessments. Evaluations. The dreaded annual review. Most of us have run into some kind of quality assurance technique while employed in the American workforce, or at least know someone who has.

Evaluations are a regular part of life at my place of employment and something that I am very used to by now. Typically I get good scores and the evaluation includes plenty of praise and positive acknowledgement, along with whatever constructive criticism is appropriate to the work that is …

Why Letting Ourselves Be Weak Is Actually the Key to Becoming Strong

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“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” ~Criss Jami

“You have to be strong.”

Those were five words I heard without end after my father was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on Black Friday 2012—a day that couldn’t have been more aptly named.

In the months following, I marched, ran, skipped, crept, stumbled, crawled, and dragged myself through the darkest valley of my life. This was uncharted territory. This was an unprecedented season for us.

My dad was a fitness junkie, running and biking every morning, performing aerobics …

Hang Up the Superhero Cape: We Don’t Have to Do It All Alone

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“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

In the spring of 2008 when my son was only seven months old, I received a text message from his stay-at-home dad while I was at work. The text read, “He’s in the crib.” I did not respond because those five words said everything I needed to know.

My son’s father had left us, and worse, he had left my son alone in his crib. I was at work fifteen miles away. 

Adrenaline is an interesting thing. I don’t remember many details about that …

Accepting Uncertainty: We Can Be Happy Without All the Answers

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“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.” ~Tony Robbins

I’ve recently begun to feel as though I am at a crossroads in my career and, as a result, have been feeling very uncomfortable.

I love what I do, working with clients and mentoring new therapists; however, I’m also a mom to two little ones and am feeling the ache of the impermanence of their childhood. This has left me wanting to spend more time at home with them and, therefore, possibly working less.

If you would have asked …

The 3 Most Important Questions to Ask Yourself Every Day

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“At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” ~Jack Kornfield

When I was seven years old, I almost died.

My family and I were at Central Station in Sydney, Australia to celebrate the last steam train to ever depart the station.

It was about eight at night, and I remember it so clearly.

The train was stationary at the platform, about to depart. I heard the whistle from the engine as the wheels started to chug and move ever so slowly.

My older brother and I were excited, and we …

How to Take Care of Yourself During Tough Times

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“Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

Several years ago, within a matter of months, I experienced the death of a parent, the breakdown of a committed relationship, and the death of a treasured animal companion.

I’d been doing okay with “normal” life tension, but when all that crap hit the fan… Wow.

I handled it okay. Just okay. I’m not sure it was a time to expect myself to be amazing.

Life is much better now.

One of the biggest lessons I learned going through those experiences was that I …

5 Habits of High Self-Esteem to Adopt If You Want to Be Happier

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“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown

Ten years ago, when I was in my early twenties, I wasn’t really my own best friend.

I was in college and although things were going okay with my studies, I wasn’t very happy.

When I made a mistake or failed I beat myself up for days or sometimes weeks.

I mostly focused on the negative and rarely took the time to appreciate the small and wonderful things about my life and myself.

I compared …

What to Do When You Find It Hard to Do What’s Good for You

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“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

I know how you feel.

You know you shouldn’t eat that cookie, but it’s as if there’s something from deep within that compels you to move your arm forward, pick it up, and consume it in one, grandiosely guilty gesture.

You find yourself performing entire series of behaviors—like reaching into your pocket, picking out the pack, getting the cigarette, and lighting it—without even realizing what you’ve done until you’ve got the thing in your mouth.

You promise yourself you won’t complain, judge, or …

6 Tips to Help You Free Yourself from Your Fearful Thoughts

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“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Here I am, huddled up close to the wood burner, my only source of heat, sitting on an old recliner chair that was given to me, in a rented apartment with windows soaked with condensation. Outside it is cold, wet, and dreary, a typical English winter’s day.

My business folded in July with substantial personal debt and I turned forty-four in August.

Perhaps not the most heart-warming start to a post, but rather some raw facts of how …

Enjoying Our Passions Instead of Focusing on Status and Approval

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“If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness, and, therefore, your excellence.” ~Unknown

The year that I graduated from college with my undergraduate degree, I was beyond enthusiastic about being a teacher.

I was absolutely confident that I was a very gifted communicator and that I had a great deal to offer to the field of education. In reality, I had no idea how right I was, yet how different my path would be from what I expected.

For me, work was not just a “J-O-B”; …

Dealing with Disappointing Relationships: Change Your Expectations

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“If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.” ~Unknown

Sometimes it feels as if you are completely in control of your life, but when it comes to relationships there’s always the other person.

In a relationship, you can’t be the puppeteer. People have their own emotions, behaviors, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives. They are their own person.

How often have you wanted a relationship to be something that it was not?

How many times have you said a certain word or phrase in order to spark a specific reaction?

How much do you expect from …

3 Lessons from Traveling That Lead to Everyday Happiness

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“Remember that happiness is a way of travel—not a destination.” ~Roy M. Goodman

After graduating from college I took off to explore Europe for four months with one of my best friends.

We backpacked through fourteen different countries and learned things about the world and ourselves that we never expected. We often joked that we learned more about life and ourselves traveling abroad for four months than we did going to school for four years in college.

When you’re traveling, you get a whole new perspective on what really matters, and you feel this sense of adventure and excitement that …

Why You Should Do That Thing You’ve Always Wanted to Do

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“Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.” ~Robert H. Schuller

In March this year, I did something I had wanted to do since the age of nine: I had my first piano lesson. At the time I was nearly thirty-five, so it had only taken me twenty-six years to get around to it.

Why the delay? Well, when I was little, we couldn’t afford lessons, but looking back I see that was only an excuse until I got my first part-time job at sixteen—which means that the last nineteen years of procrastinating were entirely down to me.…

Change Your Life: Be Honest with Yourself and Make Conscious Choices

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“If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.” ~Fay Weldon

During the last year I have made significant changes. I have changed my habits, values, thoughts, and perception of life. It has been an amazing journey and I have learned some valuable lessons that I want to share with you about happiness, motivation, and standing up for decisions you believe in.

I have always loved attention and I have always loved to party. In Denmark, it is not unusual that students drink two to three times a week, and I used to do that, as well.

Last year I …

Make Peace with Your Past: Find the Good and Embrace the Lessons

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“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins

Daughter of an alcoholic. Welfare recipient. Teenage mother. Non-college attendee. Poor decision maker. Unhealthy relationship participant. Financial disaster. Evictee.

All of these statements described me. They also propelled me into action, transforming me into an over-achieving perfectionist. Yet they still weighed me down because I felt like I had to constantly prove I was better than my past—better than the circumstances from which I came.

It took a lot of effort.

It took a lot of energy.

It was …

Be Happier with What Is by Letting Go of How Things Should Be

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“What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” ~Ralph Marston

Have you ever been stuck and felt like you’re spiraling around the same space over and over? It’s just like Groundhog Day.

Every day, you have new intentions about how it will be different only to be left with the same hollow feelings at the end of the day.

You feel sadness for the dreams of what could have been and maybe even what should have been.

At forty-five I found myself unexpectedly in this place, stuck like my feet were almost tied to the ground. All the usual …

Why Screwing Things Up Is Crucial to Your Well-Being

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“Where there is perfection there is no story to tell.” ~Ben Okri

Somehow I’d gathered my courage and volunteered from the audience during a local improvisational theater show. And before I knew it, I was up on stage with the troupe, being welcomed, supported, and seamlessly gathered into the scene in a way that only professional improvisers can do.

I left the stage high as a kite from the adrenaline rush, returning to my seat and enthusing to my friend that I wanted to start taking improv classes right away!

What I didn’t realize until I was several weeks …

When You’re at the End of Your Rope: 7 Tips to Help Yourself

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~Bernice Johnson Reagan

During my first year away at college, I struggled with depression and anxiety. I felt broken, hopeless, and lost, and I didn’t know how to cope.

At times, I thought about jumping out of my fourth floor dorm room window.

Thankfully, I didn’t.

It all began on the day I moved into my dorm in August of 2008. My parents took me …

How to Really Embrace Yourself (Even in the Face of Criticism)

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“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown

Sitting at a party minding my own business, I wasn’t expecting it. I had no reason to. A comment filled with sarcasm and authority shot out at me from a across the room.

“Shut up Kathryn.”

It hit me like a bullet aimed straight at my heart.

I wasn’t even aware I was being particularly quiet. I was simply being me. Taking in my surroundings, quietly observing, listening to the conversations that encircled me.

But someone had noticed …

A Small Act of Kindness Can Make a Big Difference

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“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~Dalai Lama

I had an old trench coat that was balled up on the floor of my garage, gathering dust near the washing machine. It was raining. It was unusually cold (for California, anyway).

I was driving home when I saw a man in a short sleeved shirt wandering through our neighborhood, pushing a shopping cart. He was walking painfully slow. He was dripping wet.

I paused at the intersection to my street and watched him for several minutes, thinking. My heart was …