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Posts tagged with “judge”

20 Life Lessons I Learned In My Twenties

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“The Universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you are already that.” ~Rumi

I remember when I was a kid, “thirty years old” sounded very old and mature. “Someone who is thirty clearly knows everything about life and has it all figured out.” That was my assumption.

Life taught me that not only thirty-year olds, but most people in general have no clue what they’re doing with their lives and why they’re here.

Although I’m far away from knowing all the answers to life’s biggest questions, I feel like my twenties have been such …

How I Think My Friend Who Died Would Want Me to Live

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“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

Have you ever been there?

When someone you love suddenly disappears. When life, within a few seconds, turns upside down. When your biggest problems suddenly seem like nothing but drops in the ocean.

I know I have.

It was December 15, 2013. That was the day when everything changed, when her life came to an end, and many other lives were changed forever.

When they first told me she was gone, I couldn’t fully grasp reality. For a …

Holiday Love Challenge #31: Set These Resolutions

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Want more ideas to strengthen your relationships? Get Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges.

Holiday Love Challenge #27: Smile at a Stranger You’re Tempted to Judge

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Want more ideas to strengthen your relationships? Get Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges.

People Who Judge You by Your Past

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Source: Project Happiness

When You Want to Judge, Be Curious Instead

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“Curiosity will conquer fear more than bravery ever will.” ~James Stephens

Earlier this year I wrote a pretty honest and open article about how I was trying to be less judgmental.

As with anything new, there’s a learning curve. Letting go of judgments hasn’t become a natural and automatic part of my life quite yet, but a skill I’ve recently learned that’s making a huge, huge difference can be summed up in one word: curiosity.

Let me explain: I recently finished Brené Brown’s newest book Rising Strong. It’s all about getting up after a hard emotional fall, and what …

Now Is the Time to Appreciate Each Other and Enjoy Life

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“If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So don’t be afraid. Be alive.” ~Sarah Dessen

It was beginning to get dark. Lightning streaked across the cloudy sky above the ocean. The full force of the wind took the breath out of me as my eyes squinted from the heavy rainfall.

Waves rolled in to crash down in front of me, as if the ocean was screaming at me.

“Turn around, human. Go home!”

“Maybe I should,” I thought. …

Help Instead of Judging; They May Be Blinded by Pain

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“We can judge others or we can love others, but we can’t do both at the same time.” ~Unknown

When I was eighteen, my father took his own life. I was just a baby, really, a mere freshman working on my Bachelors Degree at UMF.

There are times when I feel lost in the pain of missing him, stuck with this empty hole inside. Hovering in between confusion and anger, where the feelings consume me.

Losing my father in such a traumatic way has shown me just how deeply I can feel, how hard I can fall, how grief …

You Were (and Are) More Beautiful Than You Think

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“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” ~Kahlil Gibran

Does a loved one have a favorite photo of you? A photo by their bedside or on their screensaver that reminds them of a special time and place and memory?

Can I also hazard a guess that this isn’t your favorite photo of yourself? I bet you look at yourself critically and dislike how your face looks, or maybe your body is not cast in its most flattering light. I was reminded of this recently, and it made me think of how I view photos …

Remember This Before Judging Someone Who Annoys You

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“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.” ~Stephen Covey

It happened again! A different place, a different person. But again, I was outraged! How could I let it go this time?

I was driving home from work, excited about the weekend. As I looked in the rear-view mirror, a bulky four-wheel drive gradually came closer. Next minute, it was right behind me. Another tailgater!

I sped up to shake it off. It stayed with me. I tapped the brake to tell the driver to back off. He came closer!

I was beginning to fume. As I …

When People Judge: Why It’s Not Really About You

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“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.” ~Nancy Lopez

You and I, we judge others. And they judge us. We all do it. Sometimes we judge with positive or non-harming intentions.

Unfortunately, our judgment often comes from a negative place, with darker intent.

Why Do We Judge?

Though we judge for many reasons, we often do it when:

  • We don’t know a person well (yet)
  • We cannot identify with
…

Create a Kinder World: What to Do Instead of Judging

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“When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself.” ~Wayne Dyer

I’ve always been judgmental. I will judge someone else’s buying habits, looks, grammar, or political beliefs and get some perverse pleasure in it. It’s very painful for me to admit that.

You see, I strive to be kind and compassionate toward myself and toward others. That’s why I have turned much of my personal development focus this year to letting go of judgments.

When I first started seeing a therapist, in college, we spent quite a bit of time talking about a particular family member …

4 Strategies for Practicing Compassion When You Feel Wronged

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“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” ~Wayne Dyer

When I first took up meditation, sitting with my thoughts didn’t come naturally. At the time, I was going through a divorce and was often anxious and stressed out. It took months, but I kept trying, and after a while I looked forward to my daily sit.

In my meditation group, I learned a classic method for generating compassion and equanimity. I tried holding images in my mind of a friend, an enemy, and a stranger.

The idea was to view each one without judgment or preference, …

Radically Accept What Is Instead of Labeling it “Good” or “Bad”

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“The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.” ~Tara Brach

I was in the heart of my Ph.D. program when I received the diagnoses: OCD, depression, and binge eating disorder.

It explained a lot, of course. All those years of anxiety, self-doubt, and intrusive thoughts were not normal after all. Eating to the point of gaining forty pounds in a few months was foreign to most people.

I wanted an explanation. Why me?

I had done everything right: I made a decent living, I was kind to everyone, and I was presenting my scientific …

Overcoming the Fear of Being Judged for Your Mistakes

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“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected, or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker

For years I struggled with a nagging feeling of guilt. This was not for actual things I did, but just a feeling that anytime something went wrong in my life, it was somehow my fault.

I came from a religious family of eleven kids. My dear mom, bless her heart, occasionally punished us all because she just didn’t have the time in her busy day to find the perpetrator.

My older brother, the perpetrator …

A Video from an Inspiring Woman Who May Not Seem Normal

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She has a disability, but she feels grateful for her abilities, and she has an important message to share about what’s “normal” and judging by appearances.

Every Time You Judge Yourself

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Source: NotSalmon.com

When You Don’t Fit In: The Value of Being Different

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

When I was ten, my blonde, blue-eyed best friend gave me a label.

“I never thought I’d make friends with anyone brown,” she said. She was clearly embarrassed by her revelation and had summoned the courage to own up.

I was dumbstruck for a moment. I never really thought of myself as brown, or indeed, as anything. I was just me.

Then, wanting to get us both out of this awkward situation, and thinking of how my Sri Lankan mother would compliment my beautiful golden brown skin, I …

Create New Opportunities by Challenging Your Judgments and Reactions

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“Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~Byron Katie

“Alright, it’s time to break into groups,” said the professor.

Immediately, I thought, “I hate group work. I can’t trust other students.” Before even meeting the other members of the group, I was sabotaging the opportunity with negativity.

How often do you do this?

The six of us waited, looking at each other with blank faces.

“Okay, now it’s time to pick a group leader,” said the professor. “Each group will be assigned a psychologist to present his or her major contributions to psychology. …

Focus on Yourself Instead of Trying to Change Someone Else

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“If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.” ~Unknown

I was the one who was the designated driver in high school and college. I wanted to be in control of how I arrived and left a party. Besides, the taste of alcohol did not please, so it was a win-win situation in my mind.

Then, a decade later, I found myself dating someone who was addicted to drugs. I thought if he could just hang around me, see how I found joy without being altered by substances and bask in my love, then he could stay sober.

In the …