Hi Paradoxy,

isn’t admitting the mistake similar to taking responsibility for the mistake?

No, it’s like saying “Yes, I robbed the bank, but you made me do it.”

She is blaming you for sleeping with other men, basically.

She is abusing you and then blaming you for the abuse. It is called victim blaming.

If that obliviousness is actually fake, then that girl deserves an oscar for her performance cause that is how convincing it is.

Maybe she should be an actress. And second, if you want to be with someone so “oblivious” and “stupid” (this level of stupidity makes me wonder whether she is actually 24 or actually 5), then go ahead. I don’t want to keep trying to dissuade you, if that’s what you really want.

I just can’t imagine any other girl caring for me the same way B cared for me. Like which girl would help dealing with dandrives in someone’s hair?

Well, that’s nice of her to try to help. But you should know that when two people get married, they vow to be there for each other in sickness and in health. It is normal to care for one’s partner if they are sick. However it’s not normal to lie to them and cheat on them.

But today she has taken full responsibility for her actions and promised to not bother me anymore but claims to have trust in God that I will come back to her….

So she and I have come to the agreement that we are now broken up and we will no longer talk about the relationship but she is welcome to ask for my help for her work or whenever she needs it.

Good that you decided to stop going back and forth on it. You said she has finally taken full responsibility for her actions – what exactly did she say?

My attraction for her has nothing to do with her stubbornness. I definitely do not want someone who is too high on their horse to acknowledge what is right and what is wrong. Yes I want someone who understands me but I definitely do not want someone who literally drains all the energy out of me before they finally understand me.

But you keep trying to make her understand. For more than a year now, with no success. Until all your energy was drained. And you still want to give her another chance. It seems you really want this stubborn (“oblivious”, according to you) girl to finally listen to you.

You said something similar about your father: you said he was incapable of understanding your feelings (he is INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING). She too seems incapable of understanding. So I see a pretty big similarity there.

I’ve seen how these girls behave, literally no respect for their partners. These girls make B look like she is a perfect angel from heaven

How are these other girls worse than B? Because I have a hard time imagining bigger disrespect than cheating on you and then blaming you for it.

Besides, the girls who are actually worth it, won’t even give me a chance. So I am just stuck with my fate.

Based on what you said about your online encounters with girls, between ages 15 and 17, you did have some success, but it was either your parents or the girl’s parents who put an end to your online romance. But you concluded – incorrectly – that none of those girls were interested in you. So I am guessing it’s not true now either – that none of the normal, decent girls (which can be found, I guarantee you!) would be interested in you.

* Because the following includes many quotes from online sources, it may include a lot of excess/ messy print, in which case, I will resubmit it for a clear, easy to read text.

Dear Paradoxy:

I am back to your thread because it would be socially irresponsible of me to leave a question  you asked 16 hours ago unanswered. Here is the question that you asked in this public forum: “Doesn’t that make me an abuser too? Because I have called her names in anger and apologized to her later, only to repeat it the next time she pissed me off. The only difference is that I did not just call her random insults (except recently with the use of the term bitch, whore (which I already explained), garbage, trash etc.), I made sure to use terms that literally described how she was behaving, such as brick wall, stupid, dumb, fool etc.”

I will take my time answering your question as thoroughly as I can. It will be a long post.

You called her (B) names, names that you placed in 2 categories: (1) “random insults” and (2) “terms that literally described how she was behaving“.

You listed examples of the names you called her under the 2 categories: bi**, wh***, garbage, trash, etc. (category 1), and brick wall, stupid, dumb, fool, etc. (category 2).

The “etc.” clearly suggests that there are other names in  each category, names that you called her, but you didn’t list those names.

You stated that you called her names, apologized for it later, only to do it again. And you stated that you called her names “in anger“, when she “pissed (you) off“.

very well mind: “Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse. It is when someone uses their words to assault, dominate, ridicule, manipulate, and/or degrade another person and negatively impact that person’s psychological health. Verbal abuse is a means of controlling and maintaining power over another person”.

Wikipedia: “Verbal abuse (also known as verbal aggression, verbal attack, verbal violence…) is a type of psychological/ mental abuse that involves the use of oral, gestured, and written language directed to a victim.. (including) the use of derogatory terms, the delivery of statements intended to frighten, humiliate, denigrate, or belittle a person”.

Psychology today: “Verbal abuse is a way of hurting others, using words or silence as a weapon. Unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse doesn’t give rise to broken limbs, black eyes, or bruises. Yet it can be just as emotionally disturbing and often leads to anxiety, fear, despair, or depression”.

very well family: “Everyone has heard the saying: ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”‘ The problem is, this statement is not the least bit true. Name-calling is one of the most damaging and painful types of bullying… It is a form of relational bullying… Name-calling can have serious consequences on mental health. In fact, many researchers feel it is one of the most damaging forms of bullying”.

definitions, us legal: “Verbal abuse is the use of words to cause harm to the person being spoken to… The most commonly understood form is name-calling. Verbal abuse may consist of shouting, insulting, intimidating, threatening, shaming, demeaning, or derogatory language, among other forms of communication. Perpetrators of verbal abuse often misuse their authority and prey on those in a subordinate position”.

Christian website: “Verbal abuse can leave deep wounds that are not easily healed. If you or someone you know suffers from this, you may wonder – what does the Bible say about verbal abuse? Read on as we explore biblical truths about this difficult topic. The quick answer is that Scripture clearly prohibits abusive speech and behavior. Time and again biblical authors condemn harsh words, insults, slander, and more. The Bible calls us to love one another, which leaves no room for tearing others down with our words… The Bible has strong words against verbal abuse and hurtful speech…

“The Bible says ‘the tongue has the power of life and death‘ (Proverbs 18:21). Our words carry tremendous power and we are accountable for how we use them. Scripture condemns verbal abuse in passages like Ephesians 4:29: ‘Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.’ Hurtful speech tears down rather than builds up… Words have incredible power. They can uplift and encourage, or demoralize and destroy. Verbal abuse inflicts deep wounds. Studies show it negatively affects mental health and can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, PTSD, and even suicide…

“Words also impact us physiologically. Being yelled at spikes blood pressure and stress hormones like cortisol. Over time, this damages health. At an extreme, words can even kill. Scripture says ‘cruel words crush the spirit’ (Proverbs 15:4 CEV). Abusive speech destroys relationships and tears families apart. It breeds insecurity, resentment, and dysfunction. God desires our speech to build up, not tear down. As Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) says, ‘We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ‘…Proverbs 18:21 declares, ‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue.‘…

“We have a sobering responsibility in how we use our words… Jesus emphasized the importance of our words in Matthew 12, where He said we will give an account on judgment day for every ‘careless word’ we have spoken (v.36). Sobering words indeed!… Ephesians 4:29 provides a helpful filter we can apply to our communication: ‘Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.’ Before speaking, we ought to ask ourselves, “Will this comment contribution positively to this conversation and to the people participating?” If not, it’s better left unsaid…

“The first recorded instance of verbal abuse in the Bible is when Cain insulted his brother Abel. Genesis 4:3-8 describes how both brothers brought offerings to God. Abel’s offering of the firstborn of his flock pleased God, but Cain’s offering of fruit did not. This angered Cain greatly and ‘his face fell.‘ Rather than examine his own heart, Cain took out his anger on his brother, mocking his offering. This ultimately led to the first murder when Cain killed his brother…

“Many faiths uphold the inherent worth and dignity of all people as made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Degrading words can violate this God-given dignity. Scripture calls us to ‘speak evil of no one’ (Titus 3:2)..

“The Bible compares the tongue’s power to a flaming fire that can consume what it touches (James 3:6). Our speech has creative potential for good or ill. As Matthew 12:37 states, ‘By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned’. Golden rule: Jesus taught to ‘do to others what you would have them do to you‘ (Matthew 7:12). If we wouldn’t wan t to receive harsh words, we should be unwilling to inflict them on others. Applying the Golden Rule to our speech promotes compassion”.

Back to your words of 16 hours ago, Paradoxy: “this is not the first fight/break up we have had… this constant break up and getting back together was a cycle“- I wanted to ask you a long time ago, but didn’t: since you met B, if you add all the time you and her were together vs apart, were you apart longer than you were together? Also, who initiated a breakup every time a breakup took place? Were all the fights about her sexual misconduct, or were there other topics? Did she start the fights, did you, or was it a mix? Last question for now: when you called her names, how did she react?

You didn’t mention that she called you names. You shared that in  regard to her sexual misconduct, she lied to you, accused you and blamed you for it, for example, saying that she prostituted herself once or twice because you broke up with her. In adult, romantic relationships, often it is not the case that one of the parties is The Victim and the other, The Perpetrator. Often there is wrong-talking and wrong-doing on both sides.

Back to what you wrote yesterday: “most of these girls here are worse than B. I’ve seen how these girls behave, literally no respect for their partners. These girls make B look like she is a perfect angel from heaven“-

– this worries me. You repeatedly called a “perfect angel from heaven” (by comparison to other women), terrible names.. if you got into a relationship with any of the “worse than B” women, what would you call them..?

Of course, I hope you wouldn’t call anyone names, which brings me back to your question. The answer: yes, you verbally abused B, and repeatedly.

I just read your most recent posts. You ended your 2nd post a few minutes ago with this: “I know I gave B a lot of chances already, but even the Bible indicates that I should forgive an infinite number of times. However, I guess even the Bible doesn’t want me to be taken advantage of. Paradoxy”-

rock solid faith: “If a spouse is unfaithful, the Bible teaches that they can ask God for forgiveness, and He will forgive them“- not that B is a spouse, but nonetheless, ask your God to forgive her. Learn from the experience, correct the behaviors on your part that need to be corrected, and forgive yourself.

anita

Dear Paradoxy,

Prompted by Anita’s post, I would like to address the fact that you see B’s behavior with men (sleeping with other men, sexting, walking around scantily dressed etc) as stupid, whereas it could be a result of unresolved psychological issues, as I’ve tried to explain before.

You called her (or her behavior) stupid numerous times in your posts, including when she slept with another man for money:

I do not hate her. I hate the things she did. I hate her stupidity.  … She was already aware of what was going to happen DAYS BEFORE it happened. She had time to prepare. Time to think. Time to decide. Yet she still chose wrong.

SHE IS A 22 YEAR OLD ADULT WHO SHOULD HAVE THE COMMON SENSE TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISION AND SHE CHOSE THE WRONG ONE. WHAT MAKES MATTERS WORSE IS THAT B AND THE MAN CONTINUED TALKING FOR COUPLE MORE WEEKS AND SHE EVEN ADMITTED TO DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR HIM.

I am just confused as to how this situation even happened. My only logical explanation is just plain stupidity.

Her parents did not take care of her well and so it was her aunt who actually took care of her so that would explain why she is so stupid.

I cannot even blame her for being stupid cause I know she is trying her best to do the right things. How do you even improve someone’s decision making skills? Like how do you teach someone to make better decisions?

I have tried to explain to you that women don’t prostitute themselves out of stupidity, but because of external conditioning (e.g. being taught that it is something normal and desirable) or because of lack of self-respect, i.e. some inner brokenness and trauma.

Agreeing to prostitution, without being directly coerced into it, is a sign that the person is emotionally and mentally unwell, not that they are stupid.

I’ve got to say, this notion of yours that she is stupid rather than emotionally wounded reminds me of your father’s attitude that suicidal people are idiots. He believed that you were stupid for having suicidal thoughts. Whereas you were not stupid, but you were hurting.

I believe this is similar – B is not stupid, she is hurting in some way. What she said in the following 2 sentences tells me that she might actually feel loved by the men who desire her, who view her as a sex object:

B told me that my parents and I ruined her life, that she entertained the other men and slept with the guy cause she liked the feeling of not being discriminated against.

The fact that she said that I ruined her life, that I would cheat (despite how loyal I was to her), the fact that she liked how she felt with other men unlike me, all hurt me.

She even developed feelings for the guy who was paying her for sex:

WHAT MAKES MATTERS WORSE IS THAT B AND THE MAN CONTINUED TALKING FOR COUPLE MORE WEEKS AND SHE EVEN ADMITTED TO DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR HIM.

This tells me that she confuses being loved with being sexually desired. If my assumption is correct, she didn’t go to prostitute herself because she was stupid, but (bizarre as it may sound) because she wanted to feel loved, to feel good about herself. Which she claimed she didn’t always feel with you.

Let me be clear, I am NOT condoning her behavior whatsoever. I am just saying that her sexually inappropriate behavior is not the result of stupidity, but of her own unmet emotional needs, especially the need for love.

Of course, the way she behaves with you – lying, cheating and acting out sexually – is not a loving behavior. And I understand why you can’t love her for that. But she is not doing it because she is stupid.

You have convinced yourself that she is innocent and oblivious and stupid, and that she behaves in sexually provocative ways without being aware of it:

in the case of her hugging the guy and wearing the bikini, I see pure stupidity cause the pictures she took indicate that she is oblivious to the fact that the guy friend’s friend has his arm around her back ending near the breast region while the bikini incident occurred at around 6 am where she assumed everyone would be asleep, but obviously not cause her guy friend was awake. I also noticed that the outfit that she chose to wear are extremely short, cut jeans while everyone else including the females were wearing long, more modest clothing.

I pointed out all of these things and she acknowledged that she was not thinking when she did all of this and apologized for it but idk if I should even consider her apology.

The way that she behaves just shows how stupid and oblivious she is. She doesn’t even appear to be intentionally doing it, she is just operating on literally three brain cells, so it is hard to assume that she is craving the attention, she is just an extrovert that likes to party and enjoy life etc.

She told you she wasn’t thinking, and you believed her, but the more likely explanation is that she actually liked these guys’ attention, because she herself admitted that she felt good being with men who desired her. She isn’t bothered by being sexually desired by men – on the contrary, she likes it (by her own admission).

My addition is that she might even feel loved by them, because she might be confusing love with sexual desire.

Anyway, I don’t see oblivion or stupidity in her behavior, but rather an unmet emotional need, which she is trying to meet in wrong ways. Ways that will only harm her. But that’s the nature of all addictions and all unhealthy behaviors.

That’s why I would like to suggest to you to re-evaluate your stance that she is stupid and oblivious. And start thinking of her as someone hurting inside. Someone with unmet emotional needs. Perhaps even someone like you, even though she is displaying a very different behavior than you.

This doesn’t mean you need to get back together and start tolerating her bad behavior. You should definitely not do that!

But what it means is that you need to stop trying to teach her, guide her and educate her out of her “stupidity”. Because she is not stupid, she knows all those things (you said she reads her Bible every day). And she is a medical student, so she certainly has more than 3 brain cells working!

You said you loved her and tried to help her heal (I am the only person who took on the role of helping her heal). But telling her that she is stupid, dumb, brick wall etc isn’t love and isn’t conducive to healing. Realizing that she has mental health issues and then suggesting therapy (individual therapy) would be more helpful.

And then letting her go, because her emotional wounds cause her to behave in ways that abusive and hurtful towards you. And you don’t need to endure that.

Anyway, I think a change is necessary in how you view her…

Dear Paradoxy,

She said that she was hurt by the break up, she was hurt by my parents’ views on the women today due to the horrible experiences they have come across.

When I said she was hurting, I was referring to the hurt that predates your relationship. The hurt that made her prostitute herself. The hurt that makes her feel loved and accepted by people who pay her for sex. That kind of hurt. Because those are not sentiments and reactions of an emotionally healthy person. Those are reactions of someone with an emotional injury.

She might have been offended by you asking if she was a gold digger, but it wouldn’t have caused a normal person to go prostitute herself. She is blaming you for hurting her, but she had been hurt much earlier, by her parents and other family members, in her childhood and youth. And she is still carrying that hurt, and acting out from it.

She said she felt more loved by other men than with me cause of the stereotype my parents had of women in general in the modern world.

I think she actually has self-esteem issues, she feels unworthy, otherwise she couldn’t have prostituted herself. And she seems to want validation from you – that’s why she is talking about discrimination and is so easily offended by your parents’ views (you had numerous fights about that, right?).

But she is not getting any validation, partly (1) because of your general suspicion of women, which you inherited from your parents (spiced up by the fact that her aunt is actually a gold-digger and a woman of suspicious morale), and more importantly (2) because she behaves in inappropriate, sexually provocative ways with men.

So she feels rejected by you and your parents, but at the same time she is behaving in ways that prove your parents’ suspicion. She is offended that you don’t give her more respect, while at the same time she is not warrantying that respect – based on how she behaves with men.

My guess is that she is in her own vicious circle of wanting approval and ruining it with her own actions. But then she doesn’t want to accept that it is HER who is ruining her own credibility, but is blaming you for that. That’s the double abuse I was talking about: first by lying/cheating, and then by blaming you for it.

So this could be her inner struggle: wanting respect and ruining it. Feeling worthless (and doing things with which she further humiliates herself), but wanting to feel worthy.

You didn’t cause her to feel worthless (it happened in her childhood and youth), but you are adding to the feeling, by staying in a relationship with her and trying to force her to be decent, and teach her about it (about the rules and moral codes), and calling her stupid when she doesn’t comply.

This whole attempt of yours to “save” her is futile, because her problem is not lack of knowledge, but an internal battle. A battle that she is waging with herself, and you got caught in the middle. You are trying to save her, but as I said before, only she can save herself.

Fine, I could start seeing her like that. And then what? How do I fix it? How do I correct this subconscious desire in her?

You cannot. Only she can help herself – if she chooses to. If she acknowledges that she has a problem and then goes to therapy with it.

I thought I could fix it if I loved her right, but that didn’t work. I thought that my desire for her would have enough effect on her to not appreciate other men’s desire for her.

I just thought my love could fix those issues, those flaws in her.

That’s not how our psychological problems work. If something is missing from our formative years (from that cement that goes into the foundations of the house), it can only be healed by inner work and inner transformation. No external substitute will do. Even if you were the most perfect boyfriend, and even if you tolerated her cheating, she would still have the internal battle within herself. And she would still find reasons to falsely accuse you of things.

You thought you were helping her heal by accepting her lame excuses and giving her another chance. And then trying to educate her how to behave, getting pissed off with her, calling her names, etc. This had zero positive effect on her, it only added fuel to the fire. And it ruined you and lead you to exhaustion, as you said, because she was completely closed for any kind of “correction”. Because as I said, her problem is not lack of education, but an internal battle.

I am able to accurately describe how she feels and she knows that I am the only person who understands her so well, but that doesn’t mean I do not have a limit to how much foolishness I can tolerate.

You don’t understand her, Paradoxy. She is not stupid or foolish. She is in an internal battle with herself, on one hand wanting to feel worthy and respected, and on the other probably believing she doesn’t deserve it. And then sabotaging it by acting out sexually. That’s just an assumption on my part, but whatever it is, it’s not something you can fix for her. She would need to acknowledge that she has a problem first, and then seek therapy.

Like come on, how can you expect me to not get angry when she sleeps with another man and then blames me for it? It is so draining to have an argument with her cause of how stubborn she is.

It’s normal to get angry, but it’s not normal to repeat the cycle endless times, trying to make her see how she is hurting you, and she not wanting to listen, and you trying to force her to listen (the amount of pressure I have to put to force her to listen is really high. I have to figuratively shut her mouth with tape to make her listen, that is the level the situation has become.)

I hope you haven’t actually taped her mouth (!) but it shows how strongly you are attached to changing her. Which is an unhealthy amount of attachment. You would need to let her go.

You cannot force the person to see you, to have empathy for you, to understand your pain – they have to feel it themselves. And she doesn’t feel it. She is very much in denial of the destructiveness of her actions and her own responsibility in it.

I will still consider what you have said, but I think I need to cut ties with her cause she comes back telling me how hurt she is and etc that I am detaching when it is so obvious that I am detaching cause of the numerous amount of times that she has hurt me.

I never said you shouldn’t cut ties. On the contrary, I advised you not to get back together with her. She is still trying to lure you back, to make you feel sorry for her, telling you that you broke up for stupid reasons etc. When the truth is that you have every right to detach yourself from her, after everything she did.

So yes, I’d encourage you to detach yourself, to stop wanting to change her, to stop believing you can heal her. Because her healing can only come from within – if and when she is ready for it.

To me, the indication of love and hate can be seen in your first post to ask whether or not to forgive her. You may not wish to declare the love and hate strongly but the length of your first post shows a deeper emotional connection. You have been given advice to leave her alone as you can not change her. She will not be a better person for you. You will only entangle yourself in something far too complicated for your emotions to handle. But, it is your choice.

Dear Paradoxy:

“So basically, you are saying that I am indeed verbally abusive“- yes.

“But I want to understand, is it still verbally abusive if the things that are said are actually true?“- telling anyone that they are a “brick wall” is abusive no matter the IQ of the person. As a matter of fact, it is unintelligent of a person to call another dumb, a brick wall, etc., if one wants love and respect in return.

“Would calling her a brick wall be considered verbally abusive, when she is actually behaving like a brick wall by not listening to me“- she shouldn’t listen to anything you say for as long as what you say to her includes verbal abuse from time to time.

“Even you probably thought of me as a brick wall when I appeared to be too stubborn to listen to your advice even though I was listening to your advice“- I don’t think that you listened to my advice in this 5- page thread, not yet.

“I am more than willing to take responsibility for my mistake but at least be fair when judging me“- you didn’t yet take responsibility for verbally abusing her, you’ve spoken from both sides of your mouth in this regard: saying that you were abusive and then saying that if she is a brick wall, then calling her a brick wall is not abusive.

“Honestly Anita, how do you expect me to react when she sleeps with another man and then blames me for it? Like how? How would YOU react if your OWN PARTNER slept with another woman and then BLAMES YOU for it, saying that it is YOUR FAULT for making them feel abandoned, YOUR FAULT for making them sleep with another woman?“- if I called my partner names, dumb, a brick wall, etc., and repeatedly, if I was arrogant, dismissive and abusive to him, I wouldn’t expect him to be loyal to me.

“Please understand the amount of anger that I was feeling in this situation and other similar situations“- uncontrolled anger is behind much of interpersonal abuse and crime, crimes of passion, it’s called.

“I always speak the truth, even if it is the harsh truth… All I have been doing is pouring out love to her“- the second part of this quote is one of the times that you have taken an exception to speaking the truth.

“Some people just forget all the good things that someone has done when they do something bad one time“- this is an accusation some abusive people make on a regular basis, accusing the abused of paying too much/ disproportional attention to the abuse. It’s a false accusation.

Let’s look at what you shared back in March 2020, when you were 15, way before you knew that B existed in the world:

“I feel hollow inside…. I felt like a burden to others. But I never got angry… I created a pressurized vessel that I tried to blow on myself so I would die but it just injured my arm and I became known in my school as an expert in bombs… I have this weird pain in my chest that wouldn’t go away… My parents… have called me things in my main language which I cannot translate. Their insults made me so upset that sometimes I felt as if death was the only solution and they would only understand my value once I die. But for some reason, I kept forgiving and forgetting… There happened to be an incident where my neighbor threatened my parents that they would call social services since they saw how I was being treated… I love and care for my parents even if they mistreat me… I laugh when I see someone die in movies (especially gory deaths) while everyone else is horrified or sad. But I still don’t care… I laugh at gory deaths cause I think it’s funny how the person dies (For example: In the movie Final Destination 2, I laughed when I saw a girl being shot to death through the head with a nail gun by accident)“.

B brought her past to the troubled, on and off, fight-filled relationship with you. You brought your past to the relationship. What I see in your past (quotes right above) is severe verbal abuse perpetrated on you by your parents, abuse severe enough for a neighbor to notice and threaten to call social services. I see you minimizing their abuse. I see you suppressing your anger at your parents and expressing it at yourself.. and at a woman in a movie, enjoying the portrayal of her violent death.

I just noticed that you submitted a post for me a few moments ago, you wrote: “Dear Anita, Where did you see me indicating that I love to hate her? If she was as perfect as can be, there would not be any hate to direct in the first place.”-

– the hate predated you meeting B, she did not create your hate.

You did a lot of fighting within the relationship with B (“I only entered the verbally abusive phase after fighting for HOURS, or DAYS, or WEEKS, nonstop“, April 5, 2024), and you do a lot of fighting on your thread, arguing a lot. Good thing you don’t call your responders names (I suppose that you know that it’s against website regulations). But you argue and argue. It’s like you are addicted to arguing and fighting.

I wish I could reach you virtually with a motherly hug, and hush your anger, hush your distress, so that you can relax and be calm and have peace within you.

anita