@Sammy you okay there mate? These bleeds don’t sound so healthy. You haven’t had the jab have you? Why you feeling stressed? It’s okay to hit a stumbling block in the journey even when you’re on the other side so don’t be afraid to ask for help or feel you have to live up to the happily ever after expectation.

2@Jay2023 I think @Rhaenys may be hitting on you! Imagine that if there was a TB romance ahaha.

@Jay2023 you’re doing great bro, you’ll be making waves and hitting the decks before you know it! That’s some progress you’ve made in altering the mindset and setting some great goals. How you finding the healing process with things opening up?

@Rhaenys you have been very busy and done a lot of hard work. Give it a little more time and work on those fears and before you know it you’ll be enjoying cuddles on the sofa!

Evening guys hope your all well and had a good day. Welcome back Rhaenys, thank you for taking the time to read through my posts, I’m sorry that you have had to go through a similar experience, it really is the worst and most challenging episode I’ve personally had to go through so well done on making it to where you are now and what you have achieved despite the way you have felt over the last 9 months, from both our circumstances it’s comforting to know to their are people out there in the same boat wanting the same things, it’s just down to fate that we meet them one day, thanks to Sammy and Danny I now believe this will happen some day and so should you! Its good that you have found someone to chat to online if your isolated due to the lockdown, even if it doesn’t go anywhere it will help you with your confidence for talking to other people in the future.

Yes I’ve been quite lucky to have a friend who has been able to cut my hair, I’ve got to go his salon now though, was quite nice to have a home cut service!

Guys I’m gonna be honest with yous, I’m really disappointed in myself, after last night I cracked on looking at SM after seeing the profile picture change, I just couldn’t help myself. From what I can see the other person I see her in a picture with her has deleted her on fb so who knows what has happened there, I know this is completely irrelevant to me now as I should be moving as far away as I can from the situation, i feel like I’ve destroyed all the determination I’ve had the last days and making myself anxious from speculating on something that shouldn’t be important to me. I’m just reopening old wounds, I’m going to start over as I was doing so well and felt like I was making progress with starting to get away from feeling like crap, there’s only so much the medication will help if I won’t help myself. I’m just hope I don’t have to wait too long for an appointment for counselling as I think this will really help with preventing me from making these mistakes, I think where I’m fighting so hard everyday I’ve just ran out of energy to keep it up.

Thank you Sammy, I will always be honest on here with you guys, after succumbing to temptation yous and my sister are the only ones I have confessed to, this is because I di really want to beat this addiction and that’s what it is now and I really feel like your all in my corner. The picture change was the trigger, I just felt an urge to have a look even after how I made me feel last time and not knowing what to expect, I suppose where I’ve told myself she’s seeing someone else now I can’t feel any worse and my anxiety is so much better now, I am curious of course to whats happened but it doesn’t change anything, bottom line is I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I want to be free of wanting someone who doesn’t want me back and I’m trying so hard to undo bad habits, I promise you though I will not contact her under any circumstances. I suppose it is loneliness creeping in, it is a reminder of missing the messages, phone calls and banter we used to have, I want to fully accept she’s gone for good but I suppose I’m not quite there yet, I’ve lost count of how long its been now, I think it’s around 8 weeks, I’ll go again though Sammy, I’ll restart the process and slowly but surely I’ll get to a place of peace so I can build a foundation for my future.

Thank you for the prompt reply, I’m feeling fine I’m just a little annoyed with myself for throwing more wood on a fire I want to go out.

Morning Sammy, I appreciate those words, I come in from a friend’s and went straight to sleep and actually slept well. Its one day where I’ve looked so today is a new day and I will get back to avoiding it again, I really don’t want to be 2nd or 3rd best for anyone because I know I’m worth more than that, your not the first person to quote Einstein to me either. I’ve got the goals to work towards and that won’t change but the days just feel so long at the moment, I know what would help would be if I could at least establish light contact with someone else as at the moment life does feel a bit empty. Anyway I know one thing I will keep going with my routine and won’t let anything change that and I’m sure something will develop sooner or later

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Jay.

@Sammy mate glad it’s not anything too concerning and hope the sinuses stop giving you trouble. Don’t be such , let your man help it makes us feel helpful and good! Wedding planning is in place as long as Boris doesn’t introduce new laws. I think the constant moving dates etc has added to the stress. I just need to turn up! ‘B’ wants to spend 3 weeks with her family before the wedding and not see each other at all. I’m not exactly keen on that idea but she feels it will be even more special. I feel she definitely wears the trousers in certain things so I will not have a say, you got to keep the Mrs happy !

@Jay2023 so you slipped up, happens to the best of us bro. No harm done just need to keep it moving forward. If she has had a breakup, then don’t be surprised if she hoovers she seems like that type considering how she used you. This will be your test to stand up for yourself so don’t get sucked in for another hook up.

Sammy is right if it’s a case of incompatibility then soon once those feelings pass and you have healed then you’ll have the chance to reconcile as friends or acquaintances if she was someone you actually cared about. But most often what happens is the infatuation wears off and people move on becoming indifferent. So time will prove the intentions of a person and if they cared at all.

If you really care about her so much and the feeling was mutual it’s just a temporary parting until you cross paths again with a new outlook and can share a different relationship. So don’t see it as a complete loss.

I’m confused who do you want light contact with?

Believe in yourself bro, you are the prize!

@Danny thanks again for the concern very appreciated! I’m quite a healthy individual so no need to get a jab yet so it wasn’t what you’re thinking. The sinuses give me trouble around this time usually but it will pass.

I didn’t quite see it like that. That I might be making him feel emasculated or redundant. Thanks for that info. Maybe I’ll ask him to help with a few shelves. I’m a bit nervous as things are going very well, last relationship just at the suggestion ex and I moved in and we did a lot of our adulting together. I don’t want to rush this relationship.  I like he is independent with his own space and vice versa. I don’t think I’m quite ready to share a space together again I feel like if we start creating or decorating the space together it will happen before I am really ready. So that’s why I’ve been a bit more resistant to any help. I don’t want him to feel entirely excluded either so thank you.

With ‘B’ what’s 3 weeks if you are going to spend your lifetime together. I am sure it will not be a complete blackout and you can text and call. You mentioned you are from different cultures it must be a tradition to not see the bride before the big day. In other cultures, a lot of my friends don’t even cohabit with their fiancé’s before they are officially married and funnily enough their marriages are thriving. I wouldn’t be too concerned, she is right, that yearning for her by the time you meet at the aisle will be incredibly heightened and considering you two haven’t yet done the deed it will definitely be an extra special moment when you touch her. So don’t ruin it with doubts, respect her choice. Also this is her last moments with her family as a single woman, as daddys little girl, with her siblings, so it will be incredibly emotional for her to leave them considering how you said her family are very important to her. So don’t make her choose, when she has chosen you for a lifetime.

@Jay2023 are you doing okay? I always used to think when someone goes quiet they are doing fine but come to find the opposite, the silence is because they are hurting, confused or upset. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I can think of far worse things I’ve done! Here if you need a chinwag.

Evening all, I’m okay, just not felt great today, the tablets I take can be inconsistent for the 1st couple of weeks so I’m just trying to battle on, earlier finish today which was needed, I just wanted to get home and chill, gonna have an early night and hopefully feel a bit better tomorrow, I wanted to wait until I passed from this current mood before replying lol.

It’s nice you guys can say I’m a good catch based on my posts, thank you for that nice compliment, I think you are all wonderful and considerate people, I know my posts are mainly focused on myself but I am just as invested in your journeys as you are mine 🙂.

I will be back on track and back to where I was, felt so good to be in that mind frame but I do understand its not always going to be plain sailing with the attachment I’ve got and I shouldn’t be too hard on myself given how longs it been

@Jay2023 Thank you for your kind worlds.
You are too harsh on yourself. I slipped myself a lot of times after my breakups.

I think after a breakup it takes some time.. You read for example Sammy’s and Danny’s posts, telling you how she wasn’t good enough for you, how she didn’t support you and wasn’t right for you. And you know they are right, you believe them, you want to believe them, but you just don’t feel it as such yourself. You still miss that person.. Sadly it takes time.

I guess the process can go slower or faster, and I don’t think I’m the best person in doing it faster.. I’ve done many things that made it slower, I guess. But at the end you realize all they were saying by yourself, when the infatuation stops. And then you will know all that they were saying to you by yourself.

You are doing all the right steps, hanging with your friends, taking care of you, going to therapy.. Don’t be so upset because of the slip. You can also try light contact with someone else, to see if that helps you.