Nextsteps,

Thank you for your advice and input.  you are right.  I need to quit asking why and accept that she was done.  Regardless of the reason, she is and has moved on with someone else.  It is hard like you said though.

I want to love like that again and feel loved like that again.  I desperately do.  That was the best feeling in the world.  The feeling of knowing that i would sacrifice and do anything for someone, without a question or doubt.  Just because.  I know it’s going to take me a long time to get over that and to stop thinking about her or missing her.  And yes it hurts.  Everyday.  Somedays are better than others, but it still hurts.  I do know i’m not the only one that has gone through a similar situation.  but this is my first time ever feeling like this.  Trying to process it all and get through it is very hard and miserable at times.  I do want to be myself again.  I used to be happy, even before i met her.  I have every reason in the world to be happy now.  It’s just difficult to be when i miss her everyday.  It has been over 6 months now and I still think about her when i wake up and off and on through the day.  I don’t want to, i try to think of other things and do other things.  It just hurts.  Yes, i’ve cried.  I’ve cried over this probably more than i have in my lifetime combined.  Or at least that’s how it feels.  losing what i thought i had is devastating to anyone.  I may just not be able to cope with it like some people do.  I am really trying though.  It’s not fair to my friends, family, and kids.  Especially to myself.

I’m such a romantic, no matter what i know as facts and as plain and blunt as it can be, i still have this hope..” someday she will come back”  I’m trying to get it into my head that she wants nothing to do with me anymore and is happy with her new man.  but  I’ll still have this hope of feeling that someday she will miss me or what we had and want to try.  I really wish that would go away.  I try every day to forget it and to accept it won’t happen.

I do know that i have to move on and find happiness in myself and with someone else.  it is hard when i feel like i’m still holding onto this fantasy of her coming back to me.  Maybe that’s why i can’t give myself to someone like i should, because i’m afraid if i do, then someday she comes back into my life i won’t know what to do.

I appreciate you all so much.  I really do wish i found this site  long before it all went bad.  I am trying to be positive and to move on.  I really am.  I can’t wait for the day I don’t hurt inside or miss her anymore.  I really can’t.  Going through life every day with those feelings is not a way to live.

thanks again.

I realized this morning that I feel like she finally got to break out of her shell and enjoy life like she should. EG: she finally is selling her house, doing things, new job, etc. all the things that I wanted for her. And then I got left in the dust of the aftermath of getting there. Back to my life before her.

I miss her so much

this weekend has been really hard. Last year this weekend we took one of our trips together. I’m crying typing this

I’m  trying. It’s so tough though. I just want to hold her. I would do anything for that

A friend of mine told me it took him two years to get over his ex. I hope it doesn’t take me that long.

It hurts so much.

I know i am.  (the good parts).  I do think about the bad too.  I try to tell myself that i would be on edge or eggshells the entire time.  I just miss her that’s all.  Even the bad parts.  It’s just going to take me time.  More time than i would like it to be.  When you have your heart touched like that.  Or at least me.  It’s so hard to just “shut it off”.  Was very tough weekend for me.  I am working or pushing through it.  Just hard.

I see your point.  I do understand what you are saying.  I’m trying to convince myself that it happened the way it did for a reason and if we were meant to be, then it would have worked, or she would have wanted to try again.

No matter how hard i try to think  that there was nothing i could have done to change things, i still  feel like i’m blaming myself.  I’m really trying not to and to tell myself that it wasn’t supposed to be and that i did nothing wrong and if i did that i did try to communicate to find out and she was the one that didn’t.

I just miss her and what we had.  I’m sure i can find someone out there that could make me feel the same or better, but right now it feels like she was the only one.  It really does hurt and is very hard at times.  trying to think about other things, it feels like i always end up thinking about her.  Heartache is the worst.

I know i’m a good guy and deserve the best.  sometimes i feel like i’m not and will never get it.

I guess this is really like a drug addiction.  I was finally getting to the point where i could see a light, then a fell off the wagon(texting her) and i have to start all over.

this is amazing to me how much it has consumed me and taken over my thoughts and heart.

I will keep pushing and trying.  I really do hope i can get past this numb feeling or thinking of “this is not her or the way she laughed or looked or smile” situation and be able to love someone for who they are and love myself again.

right now it’s just pain. and then hope.  Which i do not understand that at all.  Why do I have that hope when It’s black and white that it’s not ever going to happen?