Menu

Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

Lori Deschene's Website

Tiny Wisdom: All Is Never Lost

By

“In this world of change, nothing which comes stays, and nothing which goes is lost.” -Anne Sophie Swetchine

I used to make a wish whenever it turned 11:11. It was something I started doing with friends in high school, and I kept doing it in college, a time when I depended on magical thinking to get me through difficult days.

I remember when my first long-term relationship ended, after three tumultuous years. I felt like I lost a part of me—the best part, to be more specific. My saving grace was the hope that we’d eventually get back together, if …

Tiny Wisdom: The Sacrifices That Lead to Happiness

By

“As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.” -Eckhart Tolle

This weekend, a reader presented an interesting question about letting go of old beliefs and attitudes to make room for happiness and open up to a relationship.

He suggested that this would require a lot of sacrifice on his part, and would leave him humbled and lost—as if he’s somehow “giving in” and losing touch with who he really is.

He asked how he can reconcile the instinct to change with his resistance to becoming something he is not.

I …

Tiny Wisdom: What Wise Ambition Means

By

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” –Arthur Rubinstein

Can ambition and wisdom coexist? Can you simultaneously want something specific and drive yourself to create it while accepting that what will be, will be?

The other day, a reader emailed asking this question—if he can motivate his team at work to “do whatever it takes” to reach their goals, and also teach them to embrace the idea of surrendering.

At first glance, these two ideas seem conflicting. Implicit in the suggestion to “do whatever it takes” is the …

Tiny Wisdom: The Best Disappointments

By

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” -Dalai Lama

Opportunity often hides in the most unlikely places, but it isn’t easy to see it when you’re disappointed life didn’t meet your expectations.

Michael Jordan’s high school coach cut him from the basketball team, which may have pushed him to work harder and become an NBA superstar. Soichoro Honda wanted to be an engineer at Toyota until he was rejected, inspiring him to start his own company.

You never know when a disappointment might pave the path for something great. What wonderful stroke of …

Tiny Wisdom: Addicted to Change

By

“You change your life by changing your heart.” -John Porter

I’m addicted to new and different.

I’ve been like this all my life. In my mid-20s, I toured the United States with marketing companies, in large part because everything was always new.

New cities. New work venues. New yoga studios. New restaurants. New hotels. New beds. New people. And I thought, a new me in each new environment.

It felt much easier to be present in my daily life when my surroundings and circumstances were constantly changing.

If ever there was something that weighed on me, I could metaphorically leave …

Tiny Wisdom: How We Want to Be Loved

By

“Love does not care to define and is never in a hurry to do so.” -Charles Du Bos

Love is a tricky thing because it’s something we both give and receive—and yet it’s so much easier to dwell on the love we’re not getting than to recognize the love we’re not giving.

I used to have a simultaneously broad and narrow definition for love. Broad, because it encompassed a vast number of idealistic guidelines, and narrow because these limiting rules quickly labeled most relationships loveless.

If someone didn’t seem to offer me their unconditional understanding, or if they appeared to …

Giveaway: Pema Chodron Uncertainty and Change Virtual Retreat

By

Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for daily or weekly emails to learn about future giveaways!

The winners:

Last week, Shambhala Publications contacted me to let me know about their upcoming retreat with Pema Chödrön, Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change.

An ordained Buddhist nun, Pema is best known for her many books and courses on meditation and Tibetan Buddhism, including When Things Fall Apart and The Fearless Heart: The Practice of Living with Courage and Compassion.

Her upcoming three-day retreat will take place at the …

Tiny Wisdom: Letting Other People Dictate Your Choices

By

“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” -Unknown

The other day, I watched a fascinating documentary about behavioral economics—a field that considers how mental, emotional, and social factors influence money-related decisions. Traditional economic theory emphasizes rational thought as the basis for financial decision making.

In the beginning, researchers hosted an auction for a $20 bill, starting the bidding at $1. The twist was that after the highest bidder won the $20, the second highest bidder would need to pay his or her losing bid.

If the participants were thinking logically, they may not have …

Tiny Wisdom: Being Self-Aware and Minimizing Drama

By

“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” -Gandhi

This past weekend, I took a break from writing at Starbucks to visit the nearby Fall Festival, which featured a petting zoo, face painting, and food samples.

This is one of my favorite events because it encompasses many things I love, including farm animals, giddy children, and food on toothpicks (yes, that’s in my list of favorite things).

Much to my excitement, I saw there was also a large makeover event set up in the vicinity. Since I had time, …

Tiny Wisdom: See, Do, Explore, Learn

By

“When you’re curious, you find lots of interesting things to do.” -Walt Disney

One of my high school teachers once said that a truly intelligent person is never bored because there are always things to see, do, explore, and learn.

I’ve noticed that my creative process depends highly on my willingness to be curious. On a day when I feel as though I have nothing to share, it’s generally because I shut down in some way. I didn’t get out of my comfort zone, or out of my head, or maybe even out of my house.

When there’s no image …

Tiny Wisdom: If You Knew This Would Be Your Last Day

By

“Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.” ~Leo Tolstoy

If you knew this would be your last day, would you waste time worrying about everything you might not finish on your to-do list?

Would you spend today dwelling on that minor disappointment?

Would you hold a grudge about that fight or misunderstanding?

Would you hesitate to tell the people you love just how much you care?

Would you be hard on yourself for your mistakes, imperfections, or struggles?

If you knew this would be …

Tiny Wisdom: Seeing the Good in the Bad

By

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” -Proverb

I once read that people who journal to identify lessons from painful situations generally move on more quickly and easily than people who write merely to vent their emotions.

In discovering opportunities for growth, we empower ourselves to see whatever we’ve been through as something that can be ultimately beneficial, even if it’s tremendously uncomfortable in the short-term.

It’s not always easy to do that, particularly because there are so many things that happen that we may never understand—and plenty of …

Tiny Wisdom: Saying Yes Because You Think You Should

By

“It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” -Unknown

Have you ever felt a strong instinct to say no to something—but then said yes anyway? I did this a few months back, when someone contacted me on behalf of a bestselling self-help author, asking me to promote his book.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I love sharing books that have made a difference in my life. And I generally choose which ones to feature based on a genuine desire to introduce them to you.

When this author’s marketing team contacted me this summer, asking …

Tiny Wisdom: Enjoying How We Work

By

“If we are ever to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow or next year.” -Thomas Dreier

Have you ever formed an insight about yourself that seems completely obvious in retrospect? I had one of those realizations not too long ago.

I woke up to the sound of raindrops dancing on my window pain. I’ve always said that I dislike the rain, because my mood often dims when the sky turns gray. But on this particular day, the rain seemed beautiful.

As I sat in my home office (read: the two feet behind my couch) writing and editing, the …

Giveaway and Interview: Cultivating Radiance by Tamara Gerlach

By

Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha to receive daily or weekly emails and learn about future giveaways!

The winners:

Have you ever wondered how authors live their messages—if writers who explore mindfulness are generally present and peaceful, or if others who research happiness are predominately upbeat and joyful?

This often goes through my mind when I read a book that inspires me. I didn’t have to wonder this as I read Cultivating Radiance: 5 Essential Elements for Holistic Self-Care. I’d recently met the book’s …

Tiny Wisdom: Stumbling on Unexpected Joy

By

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” ~Henri Nouwen

The other day I saw the movie Moneyball after originally deciding it wasn’t for me. I did the same thing with The Blind Side—I assumed I wouldn’t like it because I’m not a sports fan. I realized how wrong I was when I left the theater both laughing and crying (I’m emotionally ambidextrous).

I’ve done this many times before—made a snap judgment about whether or not I’d enjoy an experience based on assumptions and incomplete  information. And not just …

Tiny Wisdom: Worrying About Future Regrets

By

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its joy.” -Leo Buscaglia

A friend of mine got engaged this September. Previously, she and her fiance agreed that they both did not want children. But recently she’s been wondering about whether or not she’ll regret this some day–when she’s older and it’s no longer physically possible.

Mere nights before I discussed this with her, I read some discouraging research about the effects of parenting on happiness: Daniel Gilbert reports that “parenting makes most people about as happy as an act of housework.”

I suspect that’s not universally …

Tiny Wisdom: What It Means to Be Free

By

“Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

  • When you choose to forgive instead of seeing the world through bitter eyes, you are free.
  • When learn from your mistakes instead of letting them define or cripple you, you are free.
  • When you love yourself regardless of what other people think, you are free.
  • When you accept uncertainty instead of stressing about what you don’t know, you are free.
  • When you embrace chaos, instead of struggling for control, you are free.
  • When you recognize that we are all imperfect, and then resist the urge to fight that, you
…

Tiny Wisdom: The Triggers That Lead to Pain

By

“The world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming it.” -Helen Keller

There’s a child wailing five feet away from where I’m sitting in the Farmer’s Market at The Grove. This is my least favorite sound in the world, and I often tear up when I hear it.

While I realize children often cry for reasons that have nothing to do with danger, I associate hysterics with fear and powerlessness, and it makes me want to do something. Since I generally can’t, it manifests in my body as anxiety–a fight or flight response with no outlet.

I’ve …

Tiny Wisdom: Keeping Your Heart Open

By

“A person’s world is only as big as their heart.” -Tanya A. Moore

Last week, I wrote about John Robbins, who presented at Bonfire Heights. He and his son Ocean shared a number of stores about loving fully and unconditionally. Sitting in the audience at their presentation felt like participating in a massive, 45-minute group hug. They were just that openhearted–and the audience that receptive.

This got me thinking about my capacity for vulnerability. Though I write a lot about the benefits of being open, I’ve noticed I have a limit, so to speak–a point at which I …