Dear Robi:

Robi, June 8, 2018: “’I’ve never really liked my parents that much. Well. when I was really young (kindergarten young), I used to cry every time they took me there and I used to love spending a lot of time with them, but I guess things changed on the way.  I began not really liking them or respecting them that much. One of the things I hated about them was the fact that in secondary school, after my courses I had to go to their workplace and spend the day there with them until they finish and go home together. I didn’t like that. I wasn’t really doing anything but existing there.“.

Robi, Feb 18, 2024: “I was born in ’92 in Eastern Europe and I grew up in a flat with my parents. I didn’t have my own room, or my own space – that wasn’t a priority for my parents. Most of my childhood I’ve lived in a guest room which served also as a storage room for my parent’s stuff. The door was made of glass, so I’ve had no privacy. No effort has been made to make the room more suitable for me. I often felt like I wanted to hide, to keep something to myself…During summer holidays we would go to our lake house. We would spend months in total there. I hated it. I kept telling my parents I didn’t want to be there, but the answer was always the same. They didn’t want to spend their time in the city, they wanted to relax. Similarly, at the lake house we all slept in one room, and I didn’t get much space for myself. Also, I’ve had no friends there. I felt alone and caged.“ 

Robi, Dec 14, 2024: “I keep running and I don’t seem to want to root myself anywhere. The moment I start growing any roots I want to leave. Why am I even here in Warsaw? What am I doing in this cold country? Why am I wasting my years living an unrooted life? Don’t I want to build anything? Don’t I want a family? These days I’ve been thinking more and more maybe I shouldn’t be here at all. Maybe I should break up with my girlfriend and of course…(you guessed it), start over. I find myself having to find reasons for being in this relationship and question if I actually love my partner. I thought that’s why I first moved from Spain to Poland the first time, and the second time this year. Sometimes all this is so confusing. Let me guess.. same philosophy applies here too? Easy job, easy life, easy relationship. I seem to want to live a life of no effort at all.“-

My analysis of the above (the boldfaced are your exact words taken from the above quotes): I think that you want to live a life of no effort at all because you are exhausted from years of running away from being alone and caged with parents who did not understand you, having no space for yourself, not doing anything but existing, and then running back to being alone and caged. Then running away and then back.

I think that as an adult, you’ve been running physically, more like flying to different places, away from home aka the cage. But way before that you’ve been running back and forth emotionally, and that has been exhausting. You could be just sitting there, but running-inside, unsettled, stress hormones secreted into the blood, making the heart run, or more accurately, prepare to run by pumping more oxygen into the blood, reaching the muscles, preparing for a physical run that never takes place.

The early part of you that used to cry every time they took you to kindergarten, the part of you that used to love spending a lot of time with them, that part is still within you running toward your parents, emotionally running, sometimes physically (flying back home to them). There is another part of you that changed on the way and began not really liking them or respecting them, even hated them. This part is within you, running away from them.

There is a conflict between these two running parts, and the running is exhausting. no matter you get so exhausted in regard to work and your relationship with your girlfriend. Everything is exhausted when there is a serious, ongoing conflict within.

Dear Peter:

Thank you for your kind words about my writing.

I understand that answering how this is changing your experience of life can be complex. Language can indeed be troublesome when trying to capture the nuances of our inner experiences.

Maybe it helps to think about specific moments or feelings you’ve noticed since these changes began. Sometimes, reflecting on small, everyday experiences can provide insights into the broader picture.

“You are the universe experiencing itself.“- Alan Watts.

I’m looking forward to hearing more about your thoughts!

anita

Dear Lisa:

“I watched a video about being a highly sensitive person and days ago something about being unable to do anything but I forget what it was really called“-

– I wonder if you are referring to Learned Helplessness: it happens when a person feels powerless to change their situation, due to repeated exposure to uncontrollable events or failures, leading to the core belief that your actions have no effect, leading to state of passive acceptance and lack of motivation. This term applies to me big- time, but I am working on it!

You described feeling easily overwhelmed by many aspects of life, leading to a state of inactivity. This includes difficulties completing tasks and a constant worry about making mistakes.

You also expressed a strong wish to feel strong, confident, proactive, and less affected by others, but you feel stuck and unable to move due to being overwhelmed.

Having communicated with you since May 1, 2017, I know about your very, very difficult and painful childhood, and your long history of unmet needs and feeling unloved and  unworthy, resenting others who seem to receive love effortlessly. You’ve been carrying the weight of these feelings for many years.

Feeling overwhelmed and stuck is not a failure on your part. It’s a reflection of the deep emotional scars of your childhood, aka those Formative Years. It’s okay to take things one step at a time and to recognize that even small efforts, like trying a five-minute meditation, are meaningful.

Dear Peter:

Thank you for your thoughtful message. I appreciate the depth of your reflections on the Eternal and the Hero’s journey. Your insights about the Eternal being a state of being not bound by time or any other measurable factor is comforting.

Joseph Campbell’s question, “How will you respond to life as it Is?” is indeed a central theme of the Hero’s journey. It’s true that much of the quest involves discovering that our perception of life are limited and limiting. The challenge is to confront life as it truly is.

I agree with your realization that saying “Yes” to life means seeing it clearly, not just going through the motions, and fully accepting it. It’s about an active engagement with reality, with the ever-present that’s there for us to create with intention.

The quote by Alan Watts suggests that our thoughts and emotions are not entirely our own because they are influenced by language, societal norms and conditioning, which we did not create ourselves. I want to think about this further: when I realize that some of my emotions are influenced by external factors, I might stop blaming himself for feeling a certain way, being that society, including conditioning in childhood, is greatly responsible for some of my feelings.

By understanding that my thoughts and emotions are shaped by external influences, to a large extent, I can step back and view them more objectively. This can help me differentiate between what truly resonates with me and what is imposed by external factors. This perspective encourages the exploration of my true self, free from societal imposition. It encourages the understanding of my authentic desires and emotions, as well as my chosen values.

Understanding that others are also influenced by societal norms and language can foster empathy. For example, if someone criticizes me, instead of feeling disconnected or defensive, I can recognize that the other person’s perspective is also shaped by their experiences and societal influences. This understanding can foster more compassionate and empathetic interactions.

You connected the blank canvas metaphor, which suggests starting with a fresh, open mind, free from preconceived notions, to the idea that our thoughts and emotions are influenced by society. By recognizing this, you’re aiming to approach your perception of reality with a beginner’s mind, free from the influences of language and societal norms.. I wish to read more from you on this, Peter, and how this is changing your experience of life.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s enriching to engage in such deep and meaningful conversations.

anita