Hi Lisa,

I understand your feelings of sadness, depression, and anger. I hope you are able to focus on your health and all that is positive about your situation. The survival rate after a liver transplant is quite good and most patients go on to have normal lives. Were you given an estimate as to how long you’ll have to wait for a donor?

B

Hi Dee,

You are very welcome. I understand how disappointing this must be for you. I wish the situation was different.

B

Hi Shelbyville,

I hesitate to interrupt this thread because what I’m observing here is several compassionate Tiny Buddha members consistently providing loving support to one another, a truly beautiful thing to witness that confirms my gut feeling that most people really do have a strong and basic need to help others. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m jumping in because you’ve asked more than once for more help, and you also mentioned that the pain seems to be “snowballing”. The snowballing effect is a common experience because our minds tend to cling to the negative instead of the positive. It happens to all of us. Once you realize this you’ll understand that you need to develop a strategy or skill to interrupt what’s happening in your head. If I were you, I’d pour every last ounce of energy you have into educating yourself on mindfulness. There are plenty of books on it. I recommend A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Once you educate yourself and then practice what you learn, the moment will come when you realize that you have and have always had the tools you need to feel better. Think Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. And once you’ve learned this, you can never unlearn it.

I am not a Buddist. I was raised Catholic but have never been religious. I consider myself a practical person who’s skeptical of quick fixes, but I’ve always been curious about how regular people like you and me are able to cope in the face of great tragedy, and for reasons unknown to me have always been pointed in the direction of the concept of mindfulness.

Give it a try. Once you experience as little as 30 seconds of relief from your pain, your hope for peace will be reignited and you’ll want more and more, and you can get it. It’s right at your fingertips. And seriously, I’m not some weird zealot trying to convert you to some bizarre practice. I’m an educated married working professional, a mom of 3 grown (well, almost grown) kids, and I have experienced and survived the unbearable pain associated with a breakup that you are experiencing right now.

B

Hi Risha,

This guy wants to control your happiness. The thought of you moving on and having a happy life without him terrifies him, so he won’t let you move on. His ego needs to know that you cannot function without him. The more you hurt, the more satisfied he becomes.

Don’t let him win. Don’t even play his game. Break free from the hold he has on you. Just do it. You have a lot to offer a man and this guy’s a loser.

B

Hi John,

You say I do wish so bad that i could go back to that summer and re-live everything knowing what  i do know now though.  So bad…  it plagues me every day. But the thing is, John, you don’t know anything about why she did what she did. You think you have a pretty good idea, but you could be totally wrong. After thinking, thinking, and thinking some more, you’ve arrived at what you believe is probably the truth, but you may have it all wrong.

It sure would have been helpful if she had been completely forthcoming with you!

There are times in life when we have to accept that we’ll never know the truth about something. We’ll never be certain about what really happened. It’s called sitting with uncertainty and it’s about knowing that although we may never be able to make sense of something, we’ll be okay.

B

Hi John,

No need to be sorry. If typing out your thoughts and feelings helps you, continue to do it for sure. It’s funny how the brain tries to make sense of things, isn’t it? I mean, take the “I’m not feeling it” text. It sure would be nice to know exactly what she meant by that. Did she want to spend time with another guy? Was her house a mess and she needed some time to clean it up before you saw it? Or was she tired after a long work week and just wanted to crash on her sofa and watch a cooking show on TV? And what about the half-hour “mystery time”? Was she with someone else during that time? Or did she just take longer to get out of her house than she wanted to admit? Chances are you’ll never know the answers but your brain will continue to search for them. All of us go through this. It’s one of the reasons why I prefer to be around people who only tell me the truth because I don’t want to have to figure the truth out. It’s way too exhausting! That’s what happens once you start doubting someone’s honesty, isn’t it? You have to figure out the truth on your own. I don’t have this problem with my husband. He’s completely honest with me. And you don’t have this problem with your current girlfriend either, do you? But, looking back, you did have this problem with your  ex-gf. Sure would have been difficult having a happy long-term relationship with someone whose complete honesty with you was in question.

B

“…but it wasn’t as bad as I thought.” That’s a good sign! I hope you delete all calendar events and photos that remind you of your ex-gf. Those things are only slowing your healing. Keep moving forward, not back. If you’re truly serious about moving on, you’ll block her on FB and your cell phone if you haven’t already. (She blocked you, after all.) No contact with her, no photos to look at, no calendar reminders of her, no way for her to contact you, and before you know it she’ll be a vague and distant memory and you’ll have built a happy life without her.

B

Hi Ella,

You’re welcome. You’re going to need support from family, friends, church, wherever you can get it. Ask for help. You’ll get through this and there will be so many wonderful times ahead for you. Your kids will give you so much joy. And one day you’ll look back and realize just how strong a person you really are.

B