Richie,

With this new girl/woman you started to date, she may be very well still hung up with her former partner.  I have encountered many women who thought they were over their ex but not.  Walk away.  No need to be put into the Friend Zone if you are more interested in a romantic relationship. Move on.

Good for you for noticing that you are the common denominator in failed attempts in dating/romantic relationships.  I have been single for 6 years.  Now I have this wonderful, deeply intimate romantic relationship.  Before I have made friends with women , single unattached and attached including those who are married.  These are friends with no intent of creating a romantic relationship.  I believe that this has helped me to be comfortable with myself and with others on a close level.  You may want to consider this approach.

Mark

A,

I too am deeply affected by Bourdain’s death.  I also not one to follow celebrities or their deaths.  I have been a viewer of some of his shows and I was struck that he was a frank, down-to-earth Everyman who embraced the ordinary as extraordinary, who empathized with the culture and it’s people.

I find myself looking for tributes, especially from those from other ethnicities whom he touched along the way.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/06/latino-food-writer-gustavo-arellano-on-why-anthony-bourdain-meant-so-much-to-marginalized-communities.html

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/anthony-bourdain-chinese-restaurant-donates-73000_us_5b201da5e4b0adfb826eaf07

How do I handle his death?  I see the meaning of his life.  I look to how I can bring what I admire of his life into how I live my own life.  I believe one way to deal with the passing of those who were important in our lives is to recognize what were those good bits of them that I can acknowledge and maybe incorporate and bring forward in my life.

With Bourdain, I saw him speaking his truth frankly, whether advocating for the Latinos in the restaurant industry or being a heroin addict at one time.  I want to be that authentic.  I also want to bring more of his compassion for other cultures and ethnicities as well.

Mark

Beachgirl,

Is the anger toward your boyfriend for not staying for your birthday and relationship anniversary or toward yourself for not asserting what you want?

Regardless, I find that to release my anger is to acknowledge it explicitly within myself, to sit in meditation with it, to determine where in my body it shows up (feel into it) and to breath into it while meditating.

Compassion for myself, for the anger, for your boyfriend helps.  That may require a separate meditation afterwards.

Mark

RedDress,

Regret in life is something that is easy to fall into.  I know.  I’ve been aware of that since my 40s (I’m in my 60s now).  With that knowledge, I work on focusing on my life NOW, i.e. living in the present moment.  All I got is the here and now.  All I got is this precious moment.

Shall we focus on that?  Shall we make conscious changes and live mindfully?  What do I want now and in the future?  How can I achieve that starting now?

I remind myself that if I die tomorrow, will I have any regrets?  What can I do right now to live fully and without regrets?  What can I do to make my life better now?

You need not to do it all, all at once, right now.  Have a vision then some sort of direction in order to create the life you want.  Small steps.

Mark

asadlittleone,

How about keeping him as a friend?  Try dating around to see if you find a better match for a romantic partner.

Continue to communicate what you want for yourself and make specific requests of him of what you want from him.

Check out Non-Violent Communication as a process/technique to do this.

Mark

Felix,

I believe you now have the opportunity to learn about yourself, improve yourself, try new things and have fun.  Focus on that rather than meeting women for dating.

Workout.  Get back in shape, whether just by walking or go to the gym or whatever.

Take up a hobby.

There are Meetup groups, clubs, adult ed classes, church/temple and community activities where you can try new activities and meet people.

Volunteer.  To get out of yourself, go help another.

Mark

Rob,

The point is not whether she wants to move out or not.  It is whether you two want to stay together and continue to work on the marriage.  Is she willing to give you a chance to prove that you have changed?

Ask for 6 months (or longer) to show her that you have changed then if she is not convinced then she can move out.

Are you two seeing a counselor?

Mark