Liz,

No one should be abused. That is not a something that is good for your mental and physical health.  To suck it up and endure is not a healthy or happy way of living out the remainder of your days.

Mark

Liz8,

You are asking if counseling is worth it?  Absolutely for you.  You are continuing to let yourself be duped by this man, keep coming back to him.  Counseling is an avenue for you to understand why you keep betraying your integrity and dignity by continuing to have this guy in your life.

I go to that common definition of insanity, i.e. If you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Mark

Jewels16,

You want to know how to move on?

Block him and have no further contact with him.

Understand what you can do/be so there you won’t repeat your mistakes.

Go to Codependents Anon meetings.

Focus on you family and making your life better.

Mark

Chris,

You may want to look into Buddhism.  Buddhism consists of the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. Buddha being a teacher. The Dharma being the philosophy. The Sangha being the community.

If you feel lost then I suggest you move toward something like Buddhism (though it does not have to be that particular philosophy) in order to bring some structure in your life. Having a Sangha, a set of philosophical principles and a guide(s) would probably help you since you seem to be floundering.

It’s a start.

Mark

Mathilde-S,

You named your attachment style as Anxious.   You wanting that frequency of communication, i.e. reassurance verifies that you are behaving as an Anxious Attachment type person.  That is not his responsibility to take care of.

I go by the principle that the only person you have control over is yourself.  You cannot expect or blame him for doing or not doing things for he is being him.  Communication is essential for any close relationship.  If you do not communicate what you want then don’t expect him to change or do something else.

You are setting up the parameters/requirements of the relationship without him knowing what exactly is expected of him.  You want to be reassured/texted a certain frequency.  You want to have him initiate/plan get togethers a certain percentage of outings.  You want him to check in to see if you are OK.  He won’t know what you want unless you tell him don’t you think?

Mark

LittleWren,

My experience is that I cannot help those who don’t want my help.  Each person has their own personal journey to take and nobody can do it for them.

You can offer what has worked for you, i.e. taking a break and travelling but it is up to him to figure it out.  I believe that part of the journey is being confused,  discouraged and yes being depressed as well.  It is like grief, you cannot shortcut the process.

What you can do is live your life and support him by being present.  It is also like helping someone grieve.  You cannot fix him.  You can only be a loving presence.

Sometimes out of desperation, loneliness, or even boredom will be the impetus to get someone to take the next step.  It is a step-by-step process.  For most, you cannot leapfrog into a life’s purpose.  It is taking a tiny step then the next tiny step then the next.  It is about doing what feels right or good or fun or satisfying or creative.  And then see where that takes you ..

Mark

cranberry,

I agree with anita.  If you want to date then date someone you feel comfortable with.

I am curious on how you plan to work on self love.  What specifically do you plan to do in order to love yourself more and better?  You also mentioned personal growth.  What personal growth areas do you want to work on?

Mark