Kylee,

I believe in order to live an authentic life is to live by your own values, not for someone else’s.  You are not put on this earth to live another person’s life or to their expectations of you, not to tip toe around someone else’s feelings for we are responsible for our own feelings.

You identified as not having self confidence and feeling guilty.  It comes down to loving yourself.  That’s an ongoing practice to do.

We All Deserve to Receive What We Need (and It’s Not Selfish)

Mark

You just met.  You two are trying to figure the usual “are we compatible or not?” thing.  Actions speak louder than word, e.g. “he reassures me that it isn’t…

You don’t state your age but you did say that you are still finding yourself..

Great that you are wondering/asking the questions that you are asking….

My take (this is coming from a 50+ year old man who has been married) is that you have a sexual relationship and that may or may not be nothing more than that.

If you want more then you may want to stop that part of your relationship and catch up on the other aspects which you want (??), i.e. emotional, spiritual, etc. connection rather than the sexual one.

This way you know that this is what both of you want.

Basically, you need to figure out what you really want out of the relationship… whether it is purely sexual or something more.

Mark

MeowAnna,

You are who you are.  He is what he is.  I assume that you two have talked about this with each other.  It is all part of accepting who each of you are.  You can attempt to shift into behaviors that will reassure him that you are happy to see him but ultimately this is who you are and am perfectly fine in that.

Talk to him.  He needs to be reassured that you are happy to see him.  Figure out ways/words/gestures/behavior that both of you can live with in terms of him knowing that you are happy to see him.  It probably won’t be the same what he wants but that is what communication and acceptance between two different people are all about.

Make sense?

Mark

By the way, I can relate to your behavior.  I am just starting a relationship and we communicate a lot especially on letting each other know who we are doing/feeling.  I pretty low key emotionally but let my girlfriend know with words how I feel about her. I am touchy/huggy with her and that is a conscious decision.  Check out the Five Love Languages so both of you know that you two have different ways of showing love for each other.

Katie,

We all make mistakes.  I look at the person to see if they recognize that they made one, that they own up to it, and that they make reparations about it.  For the most part, people do not deliberately and consciously do bad things.

Look at who you are.  What are your core values?  Do you value Gabi as a person and as a friend?  If you value friendship, loyalty, and honesty?  Gabi did nothing wrong to you.  You and your friends are judging her.  You know that bible saying, He who without sin cast the first stone?

If you do decide to get back together with her, you may want to ask her about what the others said about what she might have said about you behind your back.

It IS hard to go against the crowd especially if one is your boyfriend.  Walking your talk (integrity, kindness, friendship, etc.) is hard.  Standing up for what you believe in when faced with the consequences of the loss of your circle of friends is daunting.  This is a good test for yourself in seeing what you truly believe in despite what others think.  This is what courage means.

Mark

Jonathan,

This reminds me of how a fat partner loses weight and now wants to try on their new found attractiveness/freedom by stepping out and abandoning their partner who supported them while they were fat and miserable.

Have you two tried couples counseling?  That would be a good place to start.

Is the house yours?  I would have a heart-to-heart on living arrangements for if the house is yours then she is taking advantage of you/you are allowing her to control the relationship.  You are tolerating her to dictate the sleeping arrangements as well as how the relationship is “done” down to the amount of touch.  She controlled the relationship while she was struggling and she is controlling how the relationship now that she is well.

To put it bluntly, you are letting her step all over you.  If you want to love yourself first then move her out, whether out of the bedroom or out of the house.  She is exploring her new found self and you are not part of that for now.  She wants that without you.  This is her exploration in independence, self reliance, and finding her joy.  You are not part of that.  Time to separate so you won’t be miserable and begging for her affection scraps.  She obviously does not want you in her life for now.

Mark

Glad that article helped Jaclyn and srk.

Mark

How Non-Attachment Can Benefit Your Relationship

Heartbrokengurl,

First of all I believe that words are powerful especially the ones we use for ourselves.  I suggest you think of yourself as someone that is not heartbroken.

I wonder if in your past thinking back when you met someone that you like a lot and was not as anxious?  Or have you always been that way?

If so then can you look back and see a time when it did work out OK?  Or it does not have to be with another guy but about a time when you were not so anxious?  Can you get back to that feeling?

Mark