Lily,

I would not beat myself up for not being able to change ingrained habits.  Our evolutionary biology keeps us from easily doing so.

Gretchen Rubin identifies 4 different personality types which helps to know how best approach in ending or starting a new habit.

Four Personality Types: Which One Are You?

Take care,

Mark

Hailie,

Good for you for having such a realization and acceptance of the situation.  Great that you are embracing the positiveness.

Yes, both do need to be whole on our own in order to have a whole, healthy relationship.

Take care,

Mark

LowLife,

I am sorry for your pain and self loathing (your Tiny Buddha name reveals that).  I cannot imagine the loneliness and self doubt you are feeling for not having a romantic relationship at all during your young life.

I cannot critique your conversational style and content but I want to share my approach.  1) I listen with curiosity.  People love talking about themselves.  If you are genuinely interested in who they are then they will talk with you.  2) I don’t have any attachment to the outcome of my conversations with women.  I don’t expect to walk away with their number or even them to stay and talk with me.  I look at each encounter as an opportunity to enrich my life for that moment by getting to know them.  3) I am positive.  People sense whether or not you are an Eeyore gloomy type or negative person.  They don’t have to talk with you in order to pick that up.  People like being around positive and enthusiastic people.  4) Focus on how lovely the other person is.  I’m not talking about their physical appearance.  We are all God’s children.  If you see their heart, their innate divinity, and how we are all One and connected with each other then they will sense that and you will approach them with a better attitude.

You talk about having the mindset and focus on how much money you are going to lose today and feeling trapped as well as feeling disgusted with yourself.

I am so sorry that you are in such pain.  I know that there are no magic fixes.  It takes persistence, consistency and discipline in loving and mindful practices in order to turn around a lifetime of habits and pain.  Check out the Metta (loving kindness) Meditation as a start.  I know that having a daily gratitude practice has been proven to help with happiness.  There are a bunch of other practices which others can chime in and share as well as practices you can Google to find.

Mark

The Wounds of Rejection Heal With Self-Love and Self-Awareness

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Mark.

Ashley,

I do the inside-out approach where I meditate, do some reflective writing as well as trying out activities that I might find pleasurable like improv classes, dancing, photography.  Plus I talk with those who are also on their journey.

I have also used astrologers and psychics to assist me.

Great question!

Mark

Hey Its Jess,

Is a life worth living based on days or months of being “unproductive” ?

Can you really say what is a “wasted” day?

I suggest you reframe what makes a good day worth living.  If you look back on your entire life or another person’s life, I bet you can point to events and activities that may have looked like a waste of time but it was valuable later on in your life.

Nobody really knows what things you have done that make up a “good life” at the end.

Check out Steve Jobs’ Stanford commencement speech where he tells the graduates how his calligraphy class paid off in the design of the Macintosh.

Mark

Patrick,

This destructive behavior is certainly not healthy which I am sure you are fully aware of.

Check yourself to see if you really want to go back to someone who has changed so radically and gone off the rails.

Mark

This is a practice in being in the Present Moment Nate and practicing Mindfulness.  It is knowing you cannot change the past or worry about the future.  All you have is Now.  If you live Now with your mind in the Past and your ex-girlfriend then you will continue to live in regret and unhappiness.

Mark