Hi Jana

Unfortunately, I directly asked him about it repeatedly throughout our relationship and he lied to me about it many times because I am aware that these things happen in relationships. He also admitted that he used to have a porn addiction before us, at the beginning of our relationship. This is part of why I kept asking him over the years. I suspected that he wasn’t telling the truth. I just wanted him to be honest with me.

What you suggested is the reason his mother encouraged him to lie to me about it during the pregnancy. But I don’t think that she has the right to decide that for me when I directly asked even during pregnancy.

I think he was ashamed of it for a long time. He knows I hate being lied to and he directly lied about it many times. He would know that I would be hurt by that. Maybe I am just the hardest person to tell because he knew that I would be hurt by the lying.

He never even trusted me enough to tell me even now. I stumbled across it accidentally. I wasn’t even looking. He probably got careless because of the relationship difficulties.

It feels like an extra betrayal. He has been refusing intimacy to do this.

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Jana

Thank you for your kind message! 🙏

My husband lied about his addiction to pornography. He told all of his friends and family about his difficulties with it while I was pregnant. But he didn’t tell me. He actively lied to me about it. I feel left out.

The sad thing is that I have always been supportive and told him that I don’t mind if he does watch porn. A lot of men do it. I don’t like being lied to. I was lied to a lot growing up and it hurts me. I don’t really understand why he lied to me.

The teacher is not Buddhist. He is a Daoist healer. My husband is studying with him. He wants to learn to do what he does. It isn’t so much conversational teaching. There is a set of practices to do. I have been thinking of getting back into the meditation aspect of it though. It has been hard with a baby because the practices are time consuming.

Things are better today at least.

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

More arguing. I called his mother to talk to him when he started upsetting the baby and walked away. She couldn’t stop him either.

I’m not having anything to do with him until he decides to start caring about his family again. I’ve been patient with his breakdown for the past year. I’m tired of all of this. I wish he would pull himself together. I just want my husband back.

I don’t know if he can change though. I really don’t know.

Life just hurts and it is hard for me too. It feels like there hasn’t been any room for how I feel in the relationship. I’m trying my best to be supportive and not add to the stress. It is hard being strong for everyone.

I’m glad that my husband is finally starting to see things more clearly. It has been a long wait through a lot of craziness for him to deal with his post partum depression. I know that it was hard for him that I wasn’t able to be there for him during the pregnancy (he was being the strong supportive one) and when the baby was born. I was busy dealing with my own depression and the intensive care of looking after a newborn. He felt just as alone as I did. It was hard situation all around. Feeling cut off from your best friend. Watching them struggle and act out of character. Bearing the brunt of that. I really did try my best but I did make mistakes too. I tried to handle too much myself and only asked for help when I was at breaking point. I blamed him for not helpful enough. I had faith that he would be still there when I got through it all and we would find our way back to each other.

He no longer blames me for everything. Instead he blames himself for everything now. I told him that isn’t helpful either. I hope that he comes to find a more balanced view that some things are just hard and he shouldn’t blame himself. Everyone makes mistakes. Having a baby is hard and one of the most stressful situations a relationship can go through. I think that it is nature screening out people who aren’t suitable for parenthood.