Hello Katie,

Im sorry that you are going through a difficult time right now.

When I went to university, I had the same experience that you did in trying to make friends. Then I started to feel resentful about it, but knuckled down to my studies.  Eventuallyy,  I did make friends. Admitedly,  I was likely older than you as where most of the people at my lectures and tutorials.  I was ssurprisedto eventually learn that there were not all of these parties which I had imagined. Most students were so busy with supporting themselves financially as well as studying, and there wasnt the time or energy for parties though I cant know fot sure if that is relevant in your case.  When I did make friends,  it was through participating in various group assignments.

Regarding your boyfriend, that is unfortunate.  Regardless as to whether you should have told him more,  his response raises sone serious red flags as to whether he is mature enough for a relationship.

Joseph,  as far as I know,  in Budhism,  sex is prohibited for people leading the monastic life and not lay people.

Dear Amma,

I have a friend I have known for many years who lives a happy and quiet life.  She was diagnosed with BPD in her 20s.  She is now in her 60s.

She used to cut herself badly,  had alcohol and drug problems.  Her substance abuse took her to some very dark places,  and she experienced extreme violence.

She has been free of all of that for over 30 years.  I know she developed a very trusting professional delationship with a psychiatrist who was able to give her insight and support she needed.  She gave up the alcohol and drugs.  She has grownup children and grandchildren who she is very close to,   and a good circle of friends.

It is all possible for you X

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Hugs Risha,

I understand.  I believe you will love sgain.  You havent met that person yet.

Dear Risha,

He sounds to me as though he is behaving like a control freak,  and saying these things to try to manipulate you into contacting him.  He has been thrown offbalance because he feels he can no longer control you.  He is not your responsibility.  That is more appropriately left to his parents and fiance.

Please do not give into his attempts to manipulate you.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Dear Shelbyville,

I am an older woman,  and I have had several long-term relationships end,  and most times  I felt absolutely devastated.   With 2 of these breakups,  I would grind my teeth during the night while I was sleeping.  With one of those breakups,  I cried every single day,  not little sobs either,  for 4 months.  My family were SO worried and distressed at my grief.

To be perfectly honest,  I just feel. NOTHING for any of those men now.  Mostly,  I feel relief that I am not with them.

I am not immune to hurt,  but Im trying to be a wiser,  stronger person.

Im open to love now even though sonetimes that fills me with anxiety.  I know now that relationshipd force me to deal with my own insecurities. Im  learning  that I am not the worthless,  undundeserving person I came to believe I was.  I know I deserve happiness.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Hugs Risha,

Quite a few years ago,  I was in a relationship of 7-8 years with a man who showed himself to be extremely dishonest.  I caught him cheating on me red-handed. I think he did many selfish things and constantly needed attention.  I felt so hurt and traumatised at the end of that relationship. I too went into the relationship not long after my father died.

Its been quite a few years now,  and I truly thank God that I did not marry him,  or worse – have children with me.

After the relationship ended,  and he had burnt more bridges with more wonen,  he tried to worm his way back into my life.   Dont be surprised if your ex tries this too.  Fortunately,  when this happened,  I just felt so grossed out by things he had done,  that I wouldnt let him back in my life.  My life has turned out so much better without him.  Yours will too.

Forgive yourself for sprnding that timr with him.  From time to time,  I feel like kicking myself for whst I see as wasting years,  but a friend pointed out to me that my real soulmate,  if there is such a person,  may not have been ready and available to meet me in the years I was invoinvolved with that one.

So many good things are going to happen for ypu,  and your life can now start opening up.

Alia,  early 40s actually isnt that old in the workforce.    Its harder to get jobs late 50s, but it also depends on the type of work you do,  and whether you can settle and manage with part-time/ casual as in most regions,  there is more of that type of work.  Im wishing good things for you.