Hello Anita and thank you. I’m s I rry I have been away longer than I expected, but I became very ill and not returned to work yet. I developed very bad bronchitis which has affected my blood pressure, making it dangerously low.

The hospitals around here are full.  They were stressed to the Max even before COVID.  I went to the Emergency Dept with breathing difficulties and chest pain and wasn’t seen for more than 6 hours.  They told me I could not be admitted as they had no beds.  My son came up 400kms immediately to care for me which was very good of him.  He has gone back now.  He took me to GP the next day who noted my blood pressure and sent me back to the hospital with a letter saying I needed to be admitted to monitor my blood pressure.

There was a child who came in with sane cough as mine. They did do an xray and said it was bronchitis.  I have a ventolin puffer to use and pain relief.

I was very embarrassed that my son saw my home in such a mess. He hasn’t been to my place for quite some time as we usually meet somewhere in between where we live so he doesn’t have to travel so far.

One if the worst things is that I had spent most of my leave cleaning.  He remarked it has gotten on top of me and wants to come back in the spring – 4 or 5 months time with a friend to help me declutter.

I can’t help it but I have been trying to clean today.  I am grateful for his help and have said yes, but I am extremely embarrassed – humiliated. When I was married and a lot younger, even his father said I had everything all lovely.

At least there was no pet smell. I recently found a product that gets rid of it all.

The problem is clutter – one entire room, though the smallest in the house filled with unused furniture and items.  My laundry still had tins of paint and things from unfinished renovations, and my walkin pantry filled with items which should be tossed.  There’s the garage too. Thank God he didn’t go in there.  That is the worst.  I had organised some time ago to pay somebody to come take it away for me, but it rained on the day, and he cancelled.  I didn’t get to follow up as friend said she would help me do it but she really is too busy herself.

I clearly need a plan of attack on this.  It gets me down.

Thank you Anita.

I have been feeling really sorry for myself and having a big puty-party when I know I should be grateful for the things I do have.

I don’t feel ready to go back to work, but I have to for financial reasons. I have been seeing photos on FB of both my sisters holidays.  Both are retired and have b even a couple of years – they are bith well-off financially.. Often I feel I will be working until I drop dead.  I can’t even partially retire for another 5 years.

I had also been feeling down in the dumps about being moved from a workplace I have loved to a place few people have wanted to work at. Mostly this was because of a really nasty manager and one other nasty worker.  It turns out the nasty manager has been gotten rid of.  One of the other more senior managers rang me today to give me feedback on another job I applied for.  He told me the place I am going back to is quite a different place since that nasty manager was finally gotten rid of.

It’s a difficult place to work.  The clients either can’t speak or can only say a few words. All of them are mostly incontinent and require full meal assistance.  I’m not getting any younger and don’t know how I will go.  My first shift us a 6 30am start and 5pm finish and it’s 45 minute drive away.  I have to sleep over a minimum of 6 times in a 28 day month, and work every second weekend with split shifts and sleeping over. I just don’t want to be doing this number of sleepovers any more.  I had been w I ring a lot of 12 hour shifts. Thankfully, there are fewer of those. I must not ley myself burn out like this again.  In my work, and in nursing, a lot of people have left through burnout since COVID.  Even though lockdown is over, we lost a significant number of experienced staff who chose not to be immunised.

I applied for another job in the same organisation. The interviewing manager told me that I did very well in the interview but another person did a bit better.  He said if there were 2 jobs, he would have given me second job. He did give me some ideas on improving my answers at future interviews.

I’m not planning on applying for anything else immediately.  I will see how things go.

I know I need c to get a grip on myself – practice more gratitude and be more positive.