Tebriz,

Excuse me for saying so, but I think the adult Tabriz is infiltrating on the girl Tebriz. As we grow even more into older women, your body, age, hormones, etc. is preparing for you to take on raising a family of your own. Of course, this has nothing to do with our actual “plan”, it’s more the Universal Human Lifecycle thing. The DNA of hundreds of women who were about your age when they married their life partner, is taking over.

YES you deep down care about what certain guys think. NO you don’t want him to think of you as a one-night stand. After all, if you DO start a family someday, having a special guy have a good opinion of you is the foundation of where to start.

I think it’s natural.

Just remember to have fun despite it all.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Hi Flove,

You think he hadn’t seen another girl in the short time you were broken up? It’s possible! No Guilt here! None! You were BROKEN! UP! You did nothing wrong! None!

The gossiping: Stay off social media for a while. Also, go to your most gossipy gossip friend and tell her “Everyone’s been gossiping about me and this is what really happened.” Make yourself out to be golden. Make stuff up. Throw in some other, more juicy and tantalizing gossip about something else that makes you look utterly boring. With all your other friends when they mention him, roll your eyes and say “I broke up with him because he was too insecure.” They’ll say, “But! but! but! You did this, this and this, and someone said that” and you calmly say, “So not true.” Then throw in some unrelated more tantalizing story that make you look boring and “A” pathetic in comparison.

When people are in the first year of a relationship, looking at their partner’s stuff reeks of insecurity, and they are ASKING for something to be found. And since it is the very start of the relationship they usually find it! Only old married couples leave everything open. Also, “A” wasn’t perfect himself, was he? He was guilty and so he assumed other people would be as well. Well, he got what he was looking for, so Karma on him.

Don’t look back.

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Hi DefinitelynotJessicaAlba,

In a perfect world (which is up to you!) you tell your boyfriend man-child: “This isn’t working”. You bravely leave (if you are living together) and find a nice safe apartment with multiple nice safe roommates if need be. If you live separately you also say “This isn’t working. I am seeing other people” (and then see other people. Hint: fellow Doctors! YOUR PEERS).

You are being treated as a the stereotypical foreigner who is with someone only for the visa. You know this isn’t true. THEY probably know this isn’t true. HOWEVER! The distinct Vibe here is that you need HIM far more than he needs you.

You are not just Some Girl. You are a Doctor. If you marry him HE becomes MISTER doctor!

Show them all how smart you are. Leave him until morale improves. See how fast they smarten up.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Hi M,

It sounds like you will be friends forever, so it’s not like he’s going away. This is very normal: best friends like each other over their life but always seem to have missed connections!

He won’t pick up on any subtle hints from you because you had turned him down long ago. You only see what you expect to see, after all.

I would wait until next year. Possibly get a trusted mutual friend to gently let him know your feelings. If it’s not reciprocated, the friend says nothing and you gracefully continue your friendship. He might be happily surprised, and the friend can say, “Now might be a good time to go for it, bro” (and surreptitiously let you know).

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Jay,

On behalf of all women, I hereby give you permission to irrevocably break up with him.

The Honorable Inky

Hi Afrin,

You did the greatest thing of all: You gave her tacit permission to do the same thing. That terrifies her. That terrifies your parents. It is just that easy to leave a religion dozens of generations old.

Maybe you thought that it would be easiest to “get” your sister back in your fold since she is twelve. Guess again! She needs your parents and will for several more years. Her turning angry towards you is an instinctive self defense mechanism.

I would give up on her and leave her alone… for now. Then when she is in her late teens/early twenties you reappear. The cool older sister. The one who is living all her forbidden dreams. The parents will be older and more tired. She’ll be an adult.

It will be better, you’ll see.

Best,

Inky

Hi Again!

Well, aside from the sexual part to her, you sound like the Total Package. You obviously sincerely care about her, and that is catnip to most women! She may also be on a subconscious power trip with making plans and then blowing you off.

Long Term Plan: Tell her (the next time she calls) that you are dating other people (whether you are or not (PS date other people!)).

The next time she asks to get together with you (only to blow you off) say that you are super busy. BUT! That you ARE going to this concert/music festival/church function/whatever on such-and-such a date.

“Oh, I can’t make it then”.

Say, “Oh well! I’ll post events that I’m going to on FaceBook and then you can run into me if you can.” (Only post like one event every month and a half). Tell her (PLEASE!) that her making plans and blowing you off isn’t working. This way, she can Run Into You like a Fan Girl, and you won’t be disappointed. In fact, to please not tell you if she’s going too. That you want to be surprised, not disappointed in her ~ for once!

Time to totally change the dynamics brother!

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Kkasxo,

It is best that you stay away from these types of families. They are amoeba-like clans, always sticking together and always moving around as a group. Could you imagine being sucked into that? You are a pure, individual soul (so is he deep down, but they can’t have that now, can they!) so automatically you and this tribe are like oil and water. Your loved one is either in… or out with the family. Him being on his own, (or following you, not them!) is a threat of red flag proportions to the mother. For if he evolves and leaves, then he is giving tacit permission for the others in the clan to do the same. And then the mother would be all alone, controlling no one.

Best to wait for him to evolve. It won’t be easy for him.

Best,

Inky