Hi Alexander,

The boyfriend is probably picking up food for her because it’s easier for him to do so and because it’s now a habit. Unless you know for sure that she actually saw you, and actively tried to avoid you, your worry is pure conjecture. Also, since you were the one who looked away, maybe she felt that you were avoiding HER. I wouldn’t read too much into this.

Best,

Inky

Hi Amicabledingo,

It might be easier to bring your BF over to your parents’ house. I’m not kidding. I’ve seen girls who were in college get this weird about boyfriends coming over to the quad, but guys?? Gay guys??? What happens when the other roommates bring guests over? Back in my day a tie around the door handle was all that was needed.

Since you only have four more months of this nonsense, maybe take on a house sitting job or get a nice room somewhere as an early birthday present for each other during a long weekend.

Or you could go Adult Level 3 and get your own apartment (!)

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Naia,

Your reaction was totally normal!

Keep in mind that he did react badly to your blocking him AND the picture was a reminder that he is still friends with your friends. Meaning he is dwelling in the peripheries of your world whether you blocked him or not.

Your anxiety was telling you (prepping you?) that you COULD theoretically run into him. I would take that anxiety as a message: What will/would you do if you see him again in real life?

Best,

Inky

Hi Alexa,

20 is a rough age because you are technically a grown woman, yet still have to sometimes go back to your parents’ house. Are you in University/college? If not, please go and LIVE IN A DORM/APARTMENT/HOUSE that is far away from your mother. Just being physically away from her SHOULD relieve your anxiety…

…but it apparently doesn’t because of getting passed out drunk far away. And then your well meaning boyfriend calls your mother and she freaks out and is all “See? SEE?? THIS is why we have to micro-manage your every move! And by the way you can’t even pick out a nice Greek boyfriend right!”

You NEED to get some anxiety meds under control or you won’t be fit for a relationship ~ with anyone!

As for marrying the boyfriend, please wait a few years. Move away from your Mother. And stabilize your moods.

Best,

Inky

Hi Cate,

Out of all the women at the college/university, he just HAS to sleep with your best friend/sorority sister. Then he proceeds to sleep with everyone you know. Meanwhile, he KNOWS you like him, and so it is (of course) irresistible to this character to hold ONLY you at bay.

Of course he’s a sociopath! He admits it! And those types are VERY good with people. He has no trouble getting into anyone’s pants.

Except yours, from now on! Tell him point blank that “It will NEVER happen between us!” whether he admits to those feelings or not. But beware. This is a game to him and his ultimate goal WILL be to sleep with you only AFTER you ADAMANTLY  tell him (in a scoffing way) “You slept with all these friends of mine, so don’t sniff around here, buddy!”

No, you don’t have to block him on Social Media, but do Hide him if you can so you can’t see his shenanigans.

Best,

Inky

Hi Frey,

Tell him that it is, and has been, obvious that he is still using. And then I agree to tell him that “a little bird told me you are intending on selling it”. If he tries to derail the issue (who told you? how do you know? etc.) say that “it’s bad enough that I would break up with you over using in the first place. But selling I cannot abide”. Then walk out.

Yes, walk out! He will follow, argue.. and then give up. HE knows he’s using and intending on selling (the Truth). And now he knows YOU know he’s using and intending on selling.

Tell him that you will contact him a year later. Not to get back together, but to reset at Level 0. Sometimes people need little hurts to get their live straight. Let yourself be The Little Hurt that he needs.

Best,

Inky

Hi Twee,

This is what I would do. Keep in mind that I am not you. But if this resonates with you, go for it!

Tell him that she hasn’t paid her dues into this marriage. And that he hasn’t paid his dues to leave it either. That you are NOT going to waste your money on a divorce lawyer. That you are going to stay married to him until the youngest leaves for college. THEN you will start divorce proceeding, and by the way, it will be less expensive regarding child support, spousal support, etc. You and/or he can save up money for your new life, etc. Whether the youngest is seventeen years old or one, your husband might go along with this. True love can wait, right??? The rules are: he has to spend nights in the house, and he can’t subject you and your children to the skanky hoe, I’m sorry, I mean his soul mate. This is best for the children.

Meanwhile, make it awkward for her. Contact her husband. Tell him that you are taking a stand. This will give him permission to take a stand too. Hell, you can even become his new best friend to make it interesting. Tell everyone. Let it be awkward.

This is what will (probably) happen: By the end of the True Love Can Wait period, he WILL fall out of love with her. The shaking heads of the neighbors. Her honorable husband (your new best friend). Her bratty kids. Her turning thirty/forty?/fifty??? and the inevitable decline of age. The love affair getting boring. YOU being easy, breezy and happy and looking better than ever. Your kids thriving (because their happiness counts more than his, sorry-not-sorry).

Finally you will plan your Great Escape, looking fabulous. It’s one to seventeen years later. He begrudgingly thinks being married to you isn’t so bad after all. He walks up to the front door after dropping the youngest off at college. A strange man pulls up before he can open the door. He’s been served. He drives to the skanky hoe’s house for comfort. Sorry, I meant soulmate. Her bratty kids say that she’s out with Tom. Or was it Harry?

Even his mistress dumps him.

Good!

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi Kris,

The difference in music is just an excuse. He has nothing to say. What is there to say? You can’t argue with “I’m just not feeling it”. Even if he told you in detail WHY he was REALLY breaking up with you, would that fix anything? Would you/could you justify and convince him to stay with you when you argue for your point of view? Do you REALLY want to stay with someone who’s not willing to run through open fields or fire to embrace you?

Move on from this character. He’ll figure life out soon enough the hard way.

Inky

P.S. Don’t communicate with him for at least a year. When he comes to his senses, after a year, perhaps say patiently, “Are you done with this experience now, beloved?”