Hi seeker 1234,

Doing the math here, you met him in college/college age. Most college romances live and die there. As in, statistically, you won’t find your spouse in college (though many do). That’s One.

Then you moved in together. That statistically is a coffin nail in relationships. You are less likely to get married if you live together. That’s Two.

BUT

It sounds like you did have a taste of the good life and did live abroad for a year. So you WERE living your life. And just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you haven’t lived your life.

And your BF genuinely sounds like an awesome guy. If you tell him you want a little apartment just for you, you want to travel more, or even that you need a relationship sabbatical (there is a book called Marriage Sabbatical) I’m sure he would be supportive and not get weird about it.

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi Again,

No, don’t be that way, with tit for tat. Remember, you are her mother, not her peer. The reminder has to come from someone else. It will have more impact.

So I told my kids, true story, “I will visit each of you if you don’t visit me when I am older. You get Easter, you get Thanksgiving and you get Christmas.”

My DD said, “Well, I’m an atheist, so why are you visiting me at Easter?”

“If you don’t celebrate Easter then it doesn’t matter if I visit then, does it?”

Then two of them exclaimed in sudden realization, “HEY! How come HE gets Christmas??”

LOL! Kids! Gotta love ’em, even when they’re grown!

Hi Kath,

It sounds like you’re as attracted to your “shoulds” as you are to those guys! Or rather, you’re searching for the right “should” as you would be searching for the right guy! 😉

In life there are no Shoulds. Not… REALLY… And that’s what makes life so terrifying!!

There is no right or wrong here. Date none of the guys. Date all of the guys. Date a slew of different guys.

This is what I would do. DON’T feel you’d have to do it!!

If I was attached to taking a break, I would leave all three guys alone, and regroup next year. Then I would make 2017 the year where I am like a Japanese dating sim… I would date everyone at once. Not be exclusive. And do it fairly openly. From there I would narrow down my choices Bachelorette style. Every month or so give someone a “rose” and cast someone else off.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi helleia,

It sounds like you have an Artist’s Soul. I don’t think being messily creative is a bad thing. It’s just the clean up that makes us think something’s wrong with us. It took me a month to clean out my Library. One month!! Yes, I was messy, but I did find real nuggets and treasures I had created.

The internet addiction, yeah, I have to watch myself too. For example, I only post on this forum once a day. Another website I do the same thing. Same with Netflix. One show. And Games. One game. Moderation is awesome.

With people, you have to go where your heart leads you. If you are honest with yourself and only hang out with your favorite people in a group setting you should have a good time. Don’t seek to hang out with people because you think you “should”. And I’d rather have people reject the Quirky Me right off the bat than them only see the Conventional Me forever. You’ll find your tribe, don’t worry!

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi Lester,

I’m supposed to tell you to take the job, that any work is good work. But I’m with you ~ I would take a job like that ~ but only if it’s over an hour and a half away so I wouldn’t run into people I knew. And then I’d wear sunglasses and a hat. And if anyone did see me I would say that I own the parking lot or am writing a book on minimal wage jobs and it’s research LOL. I totally get that feeling!

In this economy though, we are lucky to have parking lot jobs. A successful ad man I know had to sell vacuum cleaners. It’s a sign of the times. Hang in there and know you’re in good company.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi crystalminds,

When I read this I admit I balked at the “hour away”.

What will happen is you will have a seasonal get together at your place with your old friends because: hour away.

When/if your friends have children one day it will only get worse.

Them getting together without you could be their unconscious way of saying goodbye.

You will want to find friends in the new town where you’ll live. Neighbors, work, place of worship, rec center, clubs.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi wolfie,

It definitely sounds like a soul connection first, friendship second, and romantic love last.

Is there some deadline on marrying her? Would she ever want or pressure you into marrying her?

If not, then I say enjoy this relationship.

And who knows? You might suddenly find that passion for her if she ever breaks up YOU?

Best,

Inky